If I "scare" somebody, should I rectify it?

Post Reply New Topic

I pretty much already know the answer, but... if I'm in a situation where somebody, for whatever reason, seems to think I'm scary (or has said so) should I continue approach them? All my instincts say back off, it will never change and probably only get worse, but what can I do? Someone said I should just change my approach. I think this is kinda idiotic, so what do you think?

You're 28, at this point, if someone thinks you're scary, it depends on who's scared. A younger female coworker for example, I'd say stay away. They arent old enough to have matured yet.

If they're of similar age and/or older, talk to them saying, Im sorry if I've scared somehow. not my intentions, please forgive me.

But stay away from younger coworkers, it doesnt matter who you are, they'll just lie about you to the boss. I've had it done to me.

How do you mean scare?

Hey, fellow Phoenecian!

Good advice. This isn't a work situation I had in mind, but I've had younger coworkers lie to me to get me in trouble too. This is somebody I was interested in and approached twice, and she's nice but I could have sworn I heard her tell a friend, "He's scary" when she thought I was out of ear shot. I'm just going to leave it alone, but I was wondering who else thought I should try to "fix" it. I really don't think one should ever do something like that.

DEFINITELY leave her alone. For one thing, if she's already established you as "scary", continuing to approach her will just continue to scare her. And not only that, if you apologize for your conduct, she'll know you've been eavesdropping, which in and of itself will be considered creepy.

Leave her alone, think about what you might've done to come off as scary, and then mingle with other people in your improved way. As time goes by, if you're conducting yourself properly, her bad impression of you may fade....over time. But if you approach her before she approaches you, even after a period of time, her memories and impression will flood back to her and she'll distance herself from you.

She has probably only been nice to you so far out of etiquette and politeness.

But don't worry, there's about 2,999,999,999 other humans like her out there. Plenty to practice on.

EDIT: If she ever DOES approach you, don't get overly excited and enthusiastic in an attempt to redeem yourself. Just play it cool and don't be any friendlier than she behaves towards you. That's a good rule of thumb.