Wanting to deliberately end a friendship?

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Recently my only friend went to another city to uni and eventhough she's always telling me how she considers me her best friend, I feel like I don't want to deal with her anymore? I think it's partly me being jealous of her ability to make friends and socialise more whilst I'm always "the quiet one". Whenever we went together somewhere, it was always her chatting with people etc. I just think I'd feel more liberated if I'd cut all contact with her.. Is that normal? Because she thinks we're best friends and yet I feel like this. I must be a bad person. And a horrible friend obviously.

I think you should try and keep up your friendship with her. A regrettable part of who we are sometimes tells us that we don't want to have to deal with certain people any more, even though they may be our best friends. I tried to separate myself from my best friend, but it didn't work. Even though she constantly annoys me, and is definitely going down the 'wrong' path, I realise I can't let her go, even though she is hard to deal with.

Definitely try to keep it up, but if it does get way too hard, maybe tell her how you feel? Might be hard, but it's worth a try.

All the best.

i sabatoge friendships all the time. i dont know why, aspergers? fear of rejection? it feels more natural and comfortable for me to be alone. atleast that way i wont have s

making fun of me, bullying me Etc.

I had a similar situation happen to me about a month ago. Last semester, I had the misfortune of taking a seat next to this girl in my class who turned out to be extremely loud and intrusive. I tried to sit in a different seat one day and she called me out and made a big scene. I then spent the rest of the semester listening to her tell me every detail of her life. When the term finally ended she was still calling me and telling me how I was one of her best friends (How she gathered that when I barely ever said a word, I have no idea) I was too nice to say stop...or shut up... Finally, I just blocked her facebook, stopped answering her calls, and prayed I wouldn't run into her on campus. I guess it was mean, but I didn't know how else to handle it.

I understand this is something normal people do all the time - to the point where if you don't like someone, the de facto way to show it is by not answering their calls, blocking them on Facebook, and so on.

I would think if you and her are close friends, you'd be able to talk about the issues in your friendship and how to mend them. It makes lots more sense to try to repair your friendship before sabotaging it completely.

I'd say more but I am trying to grapple with this one myself -- there are a few people whom I wonder whether are still my friends, and whether it's my responsibility to cut off their friendship or live with mediocre ghosts of friendships that used to be amazing but simply are not anymore. It's not like you're going to meet new people by sabotaging old friendships - if anything, it'd be harder.

I can empathise with your situation completely.
At the moment I have a female friend with whom I get along quite well, but when we go out, to church for example, I always see her mixing so well with the other girls; this frustrates me because I am often ignored or otherwise forgotten when this happens.
As a result of this I feel my respect with her to be impeded to such an extent that I feel like one day I'm just gonna say stop.

Why is it that you want to end this friendship of yours? Is it that you don't like that it has turned into an online conversation, or otherwise..?

Firstly, thank you all for your inputs

Oh no, we barely talk online.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I think the main reason is that she thinks of me as her best friend but I feel I don't have the same feelings for her. I mean, she is my friend, my only one, but I don't feel like I *miss* her or anything. She's always saying how she misses me. But I don't feel it, I barely think about her on a daily basis. So I think it's only fair to end this, I'm not contributing to this friendship anything at all and it's not fair towards her to fake stuff. Maybe I'm overreacting but yeah. And I know she'd be just fine without me. So why bother? I feel like the friendship's ended but she clearly doesn't think so. So I'm kind of stuck in the middle here..

And on top of it, I talk nonsense right now. Big chaos in my head.

I think you should not do anything drastic. Frienships go through cycles, sometimes you are close to somebody and sometimes you are less depending on what's going on in your life and theirs. Unless there is a major fall out, something really bad that she does to you or vice versa, I think you should just keep in touch with her. Friends are a huge source of love, understanding and support and nobody should get rid of them so lightly. If you are open and don't see things so black and white I bet that down the road you will feel close to her again. Friends intersect our life at different times and for different reasons and they are not things, they are unique people that can give us a lot. It is OK if now you don't feel like you are giving too much to her, the position may be reversed in a while and it is OK too.

She's right. I can't put it any other way.
If you give it time hopefully things will turn around.

I have a friend, she lives in nc and she's constantly saying how much she loves and misses me, but... I just don't feel the same way. She's very annoying and she's a social butterfly who always needs people and attention. I wanted to end our friendship many times and it's been a thought on my mind; however, the issue is I notice that I'm approaching the "why" I should end my friendship with her from a logical aspect, which is not how you should approach emotional concerns. Although, I can usually only approach most things using logic.

Okay so I decided, for now, not to take any actions. It's not like we keep in touch right now anyway, so it's not a tedious chore to "ignore" her. Although she wanted me to visit her on the 19th so I don't know how to say no when she'll call. I really don't want to go though because I know at the end of the day I'll be all drained with guilt and jealousy and so on so forth..

Aw I'm sorry it had to be this way. Well I wish you every comfort in your decision.

Thank you! You're lovely. =)

x)

Such is deserved by the likes of you.

Honestly if you are jealous for the reasons you stated above, cutting ties with her isn't going to solve the problem because the problem isn't with her, it's with you, and since it's still there, you are liable to find yourself in the same situation with a new friend.

I think it's natural for humans to be jealous of those who have things that they don't, but if you really stop and think and analyze the situation, you might find that it's really the better option to swallow your pride and learn from the person you are jealous of.

For example, many people are jealous of self made millionaires and would rather just sink into a hole with their bitterness than interact with them, but many self made millionaires are usually more than happy to tell people how they made their fortunes and give pointers on how the other person can do the same.

Why don't you tell your friend that you have social problems, and you've always admired her social skills and was wondering if she could help you out?

Well that was actually the whole point of ending it, because I *know* it's all *my* fault, not her. I just don't want to make her feel like she's obliged *not* to have a social life because of me or something like that. Like I don't want to be on her way. But I feel as if I am.
By no means do I want to blame her for anything that's wrong with me.

And she told me that too. That first, you have to make up with yourself. But I just can't seem to do that. So basically I'm just feeling like a worthless friend.

Thanks for your thoughts though.
It looks as though that since she's moved we won't meet very often anyway anymore. So I dunno where this'll lead..