Previous housemates/'landlords'

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If this belongs elsewhere, please move it. thank you.

I was thinking last night about the bad experiences that I've had living with other people and examining the reasons that it didn't work out. I realised that I have been very unlucky with many people I've shared with. I've discussed this with my Mum as well.

I got thrown out of a house where I was living with a family (this was a long time ago). For a long time I thought it was down to poor social skills on my part but through my thinking and conversation I realised it was not my fault. The male was asking inapropriate questions (mildly sexual) and I told him that it wasn't his business, his wife came in on the tail end of this. After the evening this happened, she started behaving kinda mean and like I did something really very offensive. I told Mum about this and she explained that he probably lied to his wife to cover his posterior thus leading to me being thrown out. I needed my Mothers help to move my stuff in (the car was full), they took my keys and made me carry my stuff to the busstop when they threw me out.

This experience caused me to view myself in a very bad light socially for a long time, as I assumed that I did something wrong. There were other houses I lived (shared houses, no landlord in same house) in and similarly, people acted meanly and I blamed myself for their behaviour. I've realised that out of sharing in six different incidences (where things went bad), I'm only really at fault for one. I was unlucky because I kept on sharing with bullies of some form or another.

Anyways, the reason for this mostly monologue is that I'm curious about how many of the people here have had this happen to them? And how they reacted to it too?

I ended up isolating myself to the point of being mildly insane from fear of being hurt again.

Living with other people can be quite challenging, and especially if/when the "house" (the overall dynamic) is not already in order. I have never had an experience as bad as the one you have described, but you were not the problem there. Next time around, look for people with a room to rent or a house to share but who are taking their time about accepting an applicant and are not desperate to get someone in there. If they want you there only for the money or whatever, things are almost certain to eventually go bad.

I did look about, all occasions the people were nice as pie (and didn't look desperate apart from the last time trying to share) when they met me and nasty within weeks of my moving in.

I'm glad of your response, if I ever have to house share again I will keep this in mind. Myself and my bf get on fairly well in and hopefully we won't have to share again after we move out of my Mothers house.

I was tempted to put this in the haven because it still upsets me. I mean all the bad sharing experiences I've had.

The worst situation was the most recent attempt at renting (me and my bf) with another couple. They were sub-letting (I think is the term) and they actually said their landlord (who had no knowledge of this) was pressuring them into renting the room to someone quickly. They really seemed nice and sounded genuinely distressed. They didn't tell us until we started having problems with them, that they were our landlords. After living there a day we had to leave because the girl just about tore us a new one about having tolietries (obvious stuff like toothbrushes, wet-wipes etc) in the bathroom (they had an on-suite). She kept on lashing out for no reason. They also kept on bad mouthing my bf behind his back, saying stuff like 'why are you with him?', 'we like you, we hate him' and on and on.

Also, they kept on acting like we were naughty children who needed disipline (they were approx 20ish much younger than us). Myself and my bf look a lot younger than we are and were together for five years at this stage (if this is relevent). We gave them a months notice on the second day living there and left before the week was out (loosing a months rent in the process), they even tried not to give us our deposit back because we used the heating and tv. On top of this, the guy threatned us a bit (despite my bringing my Mother to act as a witness).

I'm still angry but at the time I thought it was at least partly my fault because I had the viewpoint that due to a lack of social skills on my part that it wasn't possible for me not to be at fault. I know now clearly enough that I'm not at fault because I looked at what I did and didn't do, and realised I couldn't possibly have done something so hurtful that deserved that behaviour in retribution.

This realisation lead me to think I'm probably not the only person on the Spectrum who has had this mistaken belief to the detrement of their self-esteem.

Lost Alien,
I too can share some experiences when living with other people. The first incident happened when I was 20 years of age. I lived with a friend and her mother who I thought that I was close to. In truth, they were toxic and always happened to put me down about being underweight every time we ate. They would also would compare me to other adults and how mature they were and how I was still a child. On top of that, my friend had a baby and I got thrown out just because the baby was on the floor and that I could have by accidentally stepped on him or so her mother claimed. She had also had a different story when I was kicked out due to swearing at her and being unruly to other people living in her house. However, she just wanted whatever she could get out of me and that was money.

I then moved into my parents' house for 7 months but moved back out with two young professional women who were 6 and 8 years older than I was. In their case, they realized that something was wrong and decided to make me feel like a rookie. For instance, one them would often overreact if I left crumbs on the counter or make a big deal about me not mowing the lawn and yet didn't teach me because she didn't trust me with a lawn mower. She would also lie to me and tell me that she was having people over and that I wasn't invited. Finally, she also make a stink one time over the fact that I wasn't their age and I still wasn't 21 and threw a pity party and that she couldn't bring any alcohol home. She was a bully by omission and it was no joke either.

The other roommate was never home as often and when she was, we really didn't connect but we were cordial. However, onetime she was throwing a Mardi Gras party with lots of booze and I had long since turned 21. I also felt like an outsider so I got drunk to try and get her and the other girl to like me. However, I soon learned that she just got meaner to me about the whole thing when she drank all the time for pleasure.

dont even live with roomates. unless you really know well and would get along great with them. I've also had awful expeirances living with other people

I agree with Richard Benson, I now live alone due to my aunt being concerned about living with people would would be unreliable. I was concerned due to my previous experience and then also having a lot of anger due to others making me feel that way. I lived with my aunt for 7 and a half years and that worked out pretty well for the most part until we started getting into each other's hair. So, I recently moved out close to a year ago and I like it a lot. I don't have to deal with anyone yelling at me in the mornings when I am trying to get up and get ready for work or sleep in.