friendship and autism

Post Reply New Topic

Ok, I have a question, if I am autistic and do not have any social skills, how do I make friends?

Who ever told you that you don't have ANY social skills? A rock has NO social skills. Autistic people have sensory processing impairments that make it difficult to develop sophisticated social skills, but that doesn't mean we're paraplegic deaf mutes who can't communicate at all (no offense to paraplegic deaf mutes).

You make friends by being friendly (that doesn't necessarily mean socially aggressive, just be open to interacting with others). Instead of fading into the wallpaper, go over to where the people are and see what they're talking about. Make an effort to look interested, even if you're not.

Smile, try to make at least minimal eye contact, so people know you aren't ignoring them, answer politely when they speak to you, most important listen to what they say to you - and when a subject comes up that you love to talk about, be careful not to dominate the conversation and lecture people, even though it's a favorite subject and you have a lot of information you'd like to share.

A lot of the time, you will still end up feeling ignored as though you were invisible. Don't give up, eventually you'll meet someone with whom you share an interest.

The best way to NOT make friends is to stay in your own space and never go to the places where other people are. It's the most comfortable thing to do, but it's also the loneliest.

I did that a picnic and when I walked up to people they turned away from me-I guess that is a hint that I wasn't welcome I never even got a chance to make an effort to not blend into the wallpaper or to be interested in what they were saying.

I did that a picnic and when I walked up to people they turned away from me-I guess that is a hint that I wasn't welcome I never even got a chance to make an effort to not blend into the wallpaper or to be interested in what they were saying.

People tend to be more open, or closed to meaning new people based on the situation they are currently in. For example, at a party, people are much more open to meeting new people; this is often the main draw of parties. However, someone is usually much less interested if they are on romantic date, for example. A picnic is usually the kind of event that you invite friends to, and is often intended to be a rather intimate event. Strangers will be turned away at times like this.

It was a party that was a pot luck picnic style event.

^^^
those people who turned away from you had to be not worth your effort. I would not be too hurt by them, as one would not take it personally if one's next-door neighbor's dog snarled at you for no good reason [IOW it's just a stinky dog and they were stinky people]. IOW I wouldn't join any club that wouldn't have me.

To add to Willard's good advice: you don't give up after one setback!
Sometimes people may be having a private conversation or they may just be dicks or just not in a friendly mood.

a lie unless it's a pet

One thing that can be crucial sometimes is the context in which you are meeting new people. For all of us, there are some places or situations where we hold higher value or status, and other situations where we're rather insignificant. An example for me is music. As an accomplished guitarist (and more recently semi-pro) I know that if I am in a pub doing a gig, that's somewhere I have value. At an open mike I have a chance to meet other musicians who may be interested in doing stuff with me. By contrast if I just walk into a random, crowded nightclub, I don't automatically have any real value, so to be accepted socially in that kind of situation it would take a lot more social effort and more advanced social skills.

This is just an example about me. You're probably very different. But have a think about things where you may have something to offer people, something of value, and find places where you can meet people in those contexts. You might want to start by having a look at what's on in your local area, in the papers or online.

Hope you Succeed!!