Safe Place In A Social Situation!

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I hope this is the right place for this, but anyhoo...

I was playing Bid Whist at this clubhouse on Friday night and got to a place where I made multiple mistakes. A lot of times, people get awfully angry when their partner makes a mistake. I tend to make more mistakes when the clubhouse gets very crowded and noisy and people are hovering about watching my hand. My sponsor (partner) got frustrated.

Under normal circumstances, I would get all defensive and withdraw from the game claiming that I don't want to play anymore fuming all the while. And then when someone else does try to get me as a partner, I will refuse him or her. I'll go through a long period of not playing and not going around these people.

This time, when I recognized that I was messing up I simply withdrew early and watched the others. Then I pulled out my cell phone and played Spades for a long time amid the crowd. I got to the point where I had blanked everything else out somebody had been trying to get my attention to pass them a cup. After playing for a while, I noticed that my anxiety level had subsided. At about 3:30 am, my sponsor asked me to join him again as his partner. THIS time, I played MUCH better and made much better choices playing.

The next day, my sponsor called and said he rather enjoyed my company the night before - that I seemed a bit different.

I told him that I simply followed the advice I've found on WP. Mainly, I retreated to a safe place mentally until I could "wind down" from the state I was in. He was like but I just let him be after that. He does not understand my thought that I might be on the Spectrum and knows NOTHING about AS, ASDs, BAP, etc.

But I will KEEP doing this when I find myself in similar circumstances...and I'll keep my cell phone handy!

Really good advice! Thanks for sharing your experience!

Thanks to the members of WP who've shared their experiences so that I can handle situations like that a little better. Now I can perhaps work more effectively on interactions and figuring out what to next in social situations in conversations when I seemingly go BLANK and look like THIS LOL

interesting, and ty

That's a great idea. Sometimes I practice pi on my ipod for the same purpose. It seems to smooth out my mind.

Congratulations! I'm happy for you that you've found your social mantra. Haha, mantra, I love that word... mantra. MANTRA!

Anyways, when I'm in a social group or event, if things get a bit hectic for me, eg. I can't talk over all the voices, I'm getting a bit erratic or silly with my speech etc., I just duck outside for a bit. Maybe it is because I have been used to being by myself for a long time, I can't tell, but just taking a moment with my thoughts, and sometimes even listening to some MP3s, can really help me to centre myself mentally and ultimately play it calm when I throw myself back into the crowd.
I suppose a lot of other people do this as well, in the same situations.

Sometimes when I do take that break - especially if I physically leave the scene, I find it better just to stay gone.

It can be stressful trying to keep up with the crowd

I'm glad you do! Do you find that it helps your nerves?
And yes, I think you posted this in the right section.

Yeah...treMENdously! I don't wind up going through the extreme beating-up-on-myself a lot of times. And when I have gotten to that point, just leaving is like pressing a BIG, RED RESET button - especially when I go and lose myself in some activity like Spades on my celly or jumping on my PC or just even sitting quietly.

Hear hear! For me, there's nothing like coming home and playing video games for a bit, after an outing; I know I deserve that break!

NORMAL people don't understand this and think you're being anti-social when you say that you'd REALLY rather be ALONE - and WOMEN in PARTICULAR!

It's REALLY draining!

lol, you just described my sister in law (can't stand that annoying woman).