Going to Church to socialize?
Sirius
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 63
Location: Fresno, CA
I want to improve my social network and meet more people, however, I am socially awkward and clumsy, though people say I am nice, I have trouble meeting new people. Don't get me wrong, I want to discover spirituality as well but I also want to find a church environment that might be accepting of awkward folks.
Does anyone believe this is a good avenue to pursue or have their own personal experiences to share? Opinions of fellow Aspies especially welcomed.
Does anyone have any recommendations or cautions?
I think that's a good idea. People who are committed to their spirituality tend to be among the most accepting folks you can meet.
Of course there are the extremists who use religion as a justification for discriminating against others, but those groups are pretty easy to identify - the truly wacky don't recognize the discretion of keeping one's wackiness to oneself.
I say go for it. A lot of churches these days have special groups for single adults to socialize together. I have a relative whom I swear only goes to church to meet chicks. Probably preferable to bars.
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"Strange, inaccessible worlds exist at our very elbows"
- Howard Phillips Lovecraft
Of course there are the extremists who use religion as a justification for discriminating against others, but those groups are pretty easy to identify - the truly wacky don't recognize the discretion of keeping one's wackiness to oneself.
I say go for it. A lot of churches these days have special groups for single adults to socialize together. I have a relative whom I swear only goes to church to meet chicks. Probably preferable to bars.
This. Despite my atheism, I've usually found the numerous (liberal) Christians I know to be very accepting of others, and usually make very good friends.
Definitely avoid extremists, however.
I had the same idea, so my husband and I (we both have AS) started going to the nearest Unitarian Universalist church. It is focused on fellowship and just generally being a social place for all kinds of people who want to do good for the community. We've loved it so far. They accept anyone with any religious belief (or not, many are Atheist or Agnostic). I've found them very welcoming and nonjudgmental, and best of all not pushy.
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"Read a f#@^ing book" - Nucky Thompson, "Boardwalk Empire"
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"We have neither of us anything to tell; you, because you do not communicate, and I, because I conceal nothing." - Marianne, "Sense and Sensibility&
passionatebach
Velociraptor
Joined: 8 Nov 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 447
Location: Cedar Rapids, Iowa
I also belong to a UU church. I think that your description best fits my church as well. I have found a number of acquiantances and friends, and my involvement in church has opened many doors for me. I always seem to look forward to church, due to the fact it is one of the few places that I feel both accepted and acknowledged.
Aparenty that is why people go to to church. Supposedly Catholics don't but they sure do when church is over. I liked the mass but I dreaded when it was over because my parents would want to talk to everyone who innicated conversation and when I basicaly told them to talk to the hand when they tried to talk to be about their kids, I got in trouble with my parents for being rude. Well I think it's rude to start yacking to someone you don't even know. I wanted to scream, "Get away from me!" I remember I hid my face with a pamplet as I ran to hide in the car. I eventualy stopped going to church because I was so uncomfortable with this. This was before I got my pet lizard btw and my parents say I can only bring her to church for the feast of Saint Francis. I personaly don't think God would care if I took her to an everyday mass and I don't think the priest would mind either. I think the "snake" in the garden of eden was a translation error and was actualy a fallen angel. My pet lizard has done so much to help me and dosen't have a single mean bone in her body. How can someone think reptiles are agents of the devil? I always felt as if I was going to church to appease my parents than to worship God.
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I'm not weird, you're just too normal.
Well, that is probably true. I think for most kids they just go because their parents take them. As for the lizard, I don't think people didn't want it there because they thought it was evil, it's sort of the same reason you can't really take any animals to public places randomly- some people have phobias or are allergic. Of course, I doubt many would be allergic to a reptile unless they touched it (I don't think they have dander like mammals), but it could get loose. Also, if YOU bring your pet anytime you want, than others get to as well, and maybe they want to bring a dog or cat or ferret or something. Point is, it is not really something considered ritual (meaning usual happenings/habit, not religious) and they'd have to go out of their way to accommodate people with animals. They'd rather just have a special day, where it is expected, and those with pets/animal friends can bring them, and those who have issue with that can expect to skip that day.
No catholic I have ever known (and I am from CA, we have A LOT here) has ever been scared of a reptile because they thought it was "evil"- just gross. Some people are grossed out by the scales and "weirdness" of them. My dad is one, he's totally not religious either. Just weirded out by reptiles. I on the other hand LOVE them. So, basically my point is that I don't think in this case it had anything to do with dogma or religion at all, just trying to keep a public place as comfortable for as many as possible.
_________________
"Read a f#@^ing book" - Nucky Thompson, "Boardwalk Empire"
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"We have neither of us anything to tell; you, because you do not communicate, and I, because I conceal nothing." - Marianne, "Sense and Sensibility&
No catholic I have ever known (and I am from CA, we have A LOT here) has ever been scared of a reptile because they thought it was "evil"- just gross. Some people are grossed out by the scales and "weirdness" of them. My dad is one, he's totally not religious either. Just weirded out by reptiles. I on the other hand LOVE them. So, basically my point is that I don't think in this case it had anything to do with dogma or religion at all, just trying to keep a public place as comfortable for as many as possible.
It's usualy penocostals and non catholics who are afraid of reptiles because they think they are evil. I need my lizard with me becuase of my phobia of people. Another reason I quit going to church is the hypocritic mindset. If people are so welcome in religious places, why aren't animals. God created them too. My bearded dragon is usualy in her harness, attached to a leash. I notice when she freaks out and gets frantic, I have a mild seziure soon after or something like a seziure. Autism Assistance Lizard and Seziure lizard at the same time. It's possible she is reacting to something in the enviroment that triggers my "seziures". I can't see why people think reptiles are gross. Pippin doubles as a living "stim toy".
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I'm not weird, you're just too normal.
jojobean
Veteran
Joined: 12 Aug 2009
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk
A unitararian universalist church is probably your best bet. They treat all religions as the same equality and sometimes worship God in forms of other religions than christian...sometimes at the same time. They are known for their tollerance, but mostly hated by fundamentalist christians for being idol worshipers because they are tollerant of other religions. They are also known to be tollerant of those of different races, nationalities, beliefs, and disability.
Churches to avoid:
Penicostal (they are generally very intollerant of anyone who is not them), the little church in the woods owned by the guy that lives there (stay away from cults...bad experience), The assembly of God...which is penicostal as well (they have some very fatalistic doctrine and are rather intollerant as a rule). The biggest first baptist church in town (most of the power players who run the town go here...you will find alot of back stabbling and general mean spiritednes going on), The biggest methodist church in town (same reason as the big baptist church).
I have a funny story to tell you. My sister worked at a fast food chain in high school, and the employees would fight over who had to work Sunday morning because that was the favorate place of some members of the first baptist church.
Anyway, Story goes, she said to a coworker. "I rather wait on a dining room full of goat sacerficing satan worshipers who were sacerficing a goat on the dining room table, than to wait on the rouges of the first baptist church."
warning:
Anyway, also check out www.rickross.com for a list of cults (cult database) known in the US and other countries. You will be amazed at how long it is and it is not a complete list. I was suckered into a campus cult and nearly killed myself as a result when I was in college and I am still paying debt from a loan that I took out while under the mind control of the leader. They prey on shy, insecure folks like you and me and will be your best friend....for a cost...your mind and money
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All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.
-James Baldwin
I find churches to be the same as anywhere really, though you will initially get a "Christian" friendly welcome, you will be just as left out as anywhere else when they find you are a bit differant and harder work.
In fact I find it lonely standing in a church of people chatting to each other whilst yu are just standing there on your own, to be more lonely than being on your own.
Do however, try and bevcome friends with God, to do this, you must keep reading the Bible and praying to God until he can see you genuinely want to be one of the "Meek" that will soon inherit the Earth.
Then you will find God doesnt avoid you because you are a bit diffferant, in fact God prefers those who feel out of place in Satans world, knowing they will honour him by the fact they will be happier when his kingdom comes along.
Well, obviously you've had some crappy experiences with the A/G. My A/G church is basically the opposite of everything you just said. You may be thinking of Full Gospel churches, which are basically the same thing but from my experiences might be more in line with the "intolerance and fatalism" thing.
I consider myself a Christian but haven't gone to church in awhile. I've been sick a lot lately, and the church I can walk to is at a bad time for my schedule. It's that one, or I need to get someone to drive me....
Two of the churches I've been to are fairly good for helping a person deal with people, but I still always find it hard, if there's a meet and greet time, where you're supposed to smile and shake hands and talk to people. I don't do very good at it.