A friend never inviting his roommate to holiday dinners

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I have a friend who lives a few miles away from myself and I am friends with his roommate as well. During holidays, my friend drives to another part of town and will spend the holidays with his parents and other family members. Meanwhile, his roommate does not have any family members since most of them have passed away. My friend has lived with this guy for 4 years and pays him rent and picks up with his own life. He has Asperger's Syndrome and he never once invited him over to his parent's house to spend the Holidays with him. Things are so bad that his roommate has to often go to a market and things like cheese, crackers, and ham and cheese sandwiches. This really makes me angry because he claims that it's his Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD and sometimes he doesn't really pick up on inviting people. At the same time, he has had no regard to picking up another friend of mine who is so important to him.

What should I do?

You can do one of two things: since you say this person is also your friend, you can invite him to Thanksgiving with your family, or you can let him handle things as he has in the past. There's really no need for him to be alone on holidays unless he wants to be. If it was really important to him, he could invite a group of friends who are in the same boat to his home, or he could go out for dinner, since there are plenty of restaurants that are open Thanksgiving Day, now.

Personally, since I can't go back to mom's for Thanksgiving this year, I'd just as soon go out to a restaurant or just stay home, myself. My daughter won't allow it though -- she's got me going over to her mother-in-law's place with her.

It's also quite possible that the roommate's family considers Thanksgiving a "family only" holiday.

Are you sure it bothers the non-invitee to spend Thanksgiving alone? Or is it that it bothers you to see him do so?

Or, perhaps he doesn't want his roommate involved with his family?

Or, perhaps he considers the roommate as only a boarder and that he owes him nothing other than the room he rents? (i.e., that it's all a financial transaction only.) It's very common, where I live, for people to double-up in housing as it is quite expensive. That doesn't make them instant friends, just people who share the rent in return for a private room and access to a common space and who are able to get along with each other well enough for that.

I might disagree with this. Not always so easy to do something worthwhile on a holidays. Ten years ago or so, a couple of Thanksgivings, I tried going to a potluck held by a Unitarian-Universalist Church. It was okay (that's about the most I can say about it).

Inviting him to the big main Thanksgiving meal, might feel like too much of a 'jump' in friendship level. Maybe a casual invite Thanksgiving evening once the culturally defined family time is over, and people can kind of relax, phew, it's over.

Myself, I'm planning to play bar poker Thanksgiving evening (points only, no money) starting 6:30 pm, and I'm kind of looking forward to it.

And then Friday I need to be at my job at the Department store 5:45am (some people need to be there even earlier!). For those of you not in the states, this is 'Black Friday' (when retailers go into the black).

Honestly its between your friend and his roommate and being roommates he isn't obligated to invite him home for the holidays. I know people who have roommates, but they just share living space but have separate social and personal lives.

Those are the room mates I feel the most at east with. I think that's a guy thing though.

It wouldn't occur to me to invite my roommate to my family's home for Thanksgiving. I don't really see anything wrong with it. It wasn't until I was in my late 20s did I even realize that people do things like invite friends to holiday gatherings - ours were always family.

Since they've been roommates for four years maybe they've touched on the subject before or maybe they're not so close that they want to spend holidays together. They do see each other all the time.

I had no idea how to be hospitable until I observed a coworker a few years ago. I had no idea about the back and forth game of asking someone if they would like an invite and or help.

Example:

You: Would like me to help you?
Them: Oh, no, that's okay, I'm fine. (Not realizing I use to just be happy with this exchange but I learned this is the complete scenario)

You: No, really It's no trouble. (It's like you have to confirm that they are saying what they mean)
Them: You're sure. Oh, then yes, thank you. I would be glad for you to help me.