They say you can "learn" social skills, but who te

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I was diagnosed with Aspergers, about a year ago, by what I consider a very competent psychologist named Carrie. Carrie was unlike any other in that she had a hands-on, nuts-&-bolts approach to learning social skills. Almost like a coach. She even went with me to social events and gave me feedback. She had a set curriculum, and always checked to see if I was making progress.

Well, as fate would have it, Carrie recently moved out-of-state. She hooked me up with another therapist named Gail, who has a completely different approach. Gail is more into "talk therapy." She never suggests any hands-on activities or steps that would give me social skills practice. I frequently ask her what I should do for practice, and she usually has to ponder for a moment. It seems like she should have a better grip on what activities and steps would benefit me.

I don't know what to do. I'm not entirely positive there are any other counselors like Carrie, at least not in my city. Furthermore, in the years before my AS diagnosis, I went through many therapists, with very little success. I'm not sure I presently have the energy to do a full-fledge therapist search to find someone like Carrie.

I hear many Aspergers specialists say, over and over, about how you can learn the social skills that have been previously hindered by AS. My question is, how do you learn them? Do you need a counselor, or a coach of some kind? Or do you just sort-of learn on your own with the hopes of showing improvement? I am 40, and it seems that if you can learn good social skills on your own, I would have already. But if a counselor is required, then how hard should I be looking for one like Carrie?

I welcome any input!

I used to be horrible with social skills. Horrible to the point that I look back and cringe. But there are a couple things that changed. First of all, when working at a gorcery store, I met a man named Jimmy that helped open my eyes. Jimmy was the manager, and unknowingly gave me something that I never used to have: skepticism. Sure, Jimmy can be annoying because he never shuts up (I swear he must have some sort of Aspergers now that I think of it) but he helped me question things, something I always did, but was never able to do very well. Critical thinking is a healthy blend of skepticism and wonder, and I always wondered about things. Jimmy's one-sided rants about politics somehow helped me develop skepticism. Secondly, around the same time, I smoked weed with some of my friends, and this helped open up my mind and enabled me to see things I didn't see before. It's a values changing drug, which is why it's illegal. I also formed a sense of identity, and this helped me gain a perspective about the world. I'm talking about the big picture, not just my own little world that includes me and everyone I know. Seeing the whole world, the totality of it, helped me understand my own world a little better. Also, I went out and did things, because the only way to learn about social skills is to put yourself out there. All this helped me develop self-confidence, and I'm no longer so afraid of things, so it's easier to talk to people because they don't scare me anymore. I learned this on my own, not because I was trying. If you try to learn it, you will fail. Let it come naturally, which is pretty hard to do if you have a stake in the outcome. The best way to do this is to RELAX.

In the Tony Attwood book on Asperger's, I came across repeated mentions of a social scenario game; I honestly don't remember the name of the game or who created it, but if you start with Tony Attwood, you should be able to dig it up pretty quickly.

Good luck!