Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

Miyah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 741

30 Nov 2010, 1:20 pm

I have a casual friend who, like myself, has Asperger's Syndrome. He has more severe symptoms that fall under his sensory areas. In came cases he has to wear ear plugs when he goes out in public. He also does not like to be touched and I cannot give him hugs. He also over loads on things and gets stressed out over things more than usual.

I really feel like he uses his disoder to make other people feel sorry for him or as an excuse so that he can get by with things. For example, he tries to use it whenever he says something to hurt my feelings. When I get mad, he tries to run tell me that it was his Asperger's Syndrome getting in the way and that I not worry about it.

One good example was fairly recently when I asked him how his Thanksgiving was. He responded by telling me that his parents complimented him on his behavior. I then tried to be nice by complimenting that he is maturing nicely. He, however, took it the wrong way and threw a fit by saying that what I said was an insult. He then went on to mention that he didn't need that insult because he had a delicate day ahead of him.

How can I let him know without yelling back at him that his behavior is unacceptable?



RightGalaxy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,145

30 Nov 2010, 2:17 pm

He's 33 and you're telling him he's maturing nicely! Are you out of your mind?!
I think he's uses the excuse of his own asperger's so as not to kill you.



Miyah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 741

30 Nov 2010, 2:44 pm

I was saying that because he is learning to adapt to environments with lots of high stress even thought he does not like that environment. He then threw a fit as if I said something really bad to him.



RightGalaxy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,145

01 Dec 2010, 10:08 am

Miyah wrote:
I was saying that because he is learning to adapt to environments with lots of high stress even thought he does not like that environment. He then threw a fit as if I said something really bad to him.


Couldn't you put it a different way like, "You're nicely adapting to very stressful situations! Good for you!" not "Your maturing". It's as if you said he's immature and now finally at 33, he's maturing. No wonder why he threw a fit. How would you feel if you gave him a splendid gift and he replied, "How mature of you." That's what you would say to a 7 year old who just gave you a Rolex. Wouldn't you say, "What the heck is that supposed to mean?" Deep down inside you just might feel he is immature. There's no shame in feeling your real feelings. The real shame is when a person feels one way and then convinces themself that they should feel another way. Miyah, his parents have a right to compliment him on his behavior. For you to do it is... rather insulting... unless his behavior had something to do with the relationship you have together.



Miyah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 741

01 Dec 2010, 1:19 pm

RG,
thanks for painting a broader picture for me about the situation. At the same time, he often likes to make everyone feel sorry for him because things didn't quite work out the way that he wanted because he's a genius. He also seems to act like the world owes him a living because he was taught by a recent mentor that people with Asperger's Syndrome are all geniuses. So, he gets mad and tries to make other people feel bad if you get mad at him. He says something like, "I have Asperger's syndrome and I am really smart. If you can't understand that then don't talk to me." He constantly wants to be the center of attention around everyone and it's not working with me.



jojobean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2009
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk

02 Dec 2010, 3:25 am

it doesnt sound like you like him very much, why bother being friends if you 2 are not compatable.

He is who is he....accept it, or dont bother with him.


_________________
All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.
-James Baldwin


Miyah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 741

02 Dec 2010, 1:30 pm

jojobean wrote:
it doesnt sound like you like him very much, why bother being friends if you 2 are not compatable.

He is who is he....accept it, or dont bother with him.


Jojobean, lol. No, I like him. I just don't like the way he has been acting around me.