advice for someone hopeless

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Im lost. Im shy, eccentric, depressed, anti-social, and have lost all my friends. This is my last strive for hope before I kill my self, and I wonder if anyone can help me.

My life started out well, I was in a High School boarding school. Previously in middleschool, i was bullied and harassed and did not fit in. I had no friends, only people i could muster a conversation with, but i never hung out with anyone. When i was sent to boarding school, everything changed. I became accepted even as an ecentric person, within our small community of 100 students, and i had friends. TRUE friends. they were friends that were there for you, and i was there for them.

I never really learned what friendships and intimacy were, I never really thought about it. I never had a relationship in highschool, always pussying out when i got close to a girl. And then one day changed. I got kicked out of the boarding school over a collection of knives.

Well, i started talking to this one girl that i previously had a crush on. no idea why, but we kept up over facebook. i secretley loved her, and i hid it away from her because she was taken. she, along with other people from the school i got kicked out of, was all i talked to. I went to a new highschool, but never put the effort of fitting in.

so here i am now, all my friends are gone to make the story short. im stuck in highschool, eccentric, lost amongst 2000 students in public school, and unable to make a friend. why doesnt anyone like me? why do i not fit in? why wont anyone ever love me? why does everyone i talk to just seem awkwarded out by me?

aspergers has taken its toll on me.

I'm confused I don't quite see where having no friends is a reason to kill yourself...
all i can say is that killing yourself won't solve anything so DON'T DO IT

For the most part, high school is not real life, and things do get better socailly once you leave high school. For me, college was a time of social blossoming as most people art school are very accepting of esentricies and actually cherish weirdness. Of course if you are not good at art, computer art is a good major as it requires less manual skills than drawing and painting does. It is best to go to an art school that is into buisness arts rather than art for arts sake so finding a job will be easier.

I went to a state college too and it was kinda like high school, but I had a group of oddities that I hung out with. The international club in college is a good place to meet people who dont expect you to conform to social standards cause they dont know what the social standards are either cause they are from other countries.

But there is life beyond high school. People say that high school is the best years of your life bit the reverse is true for those on the spectrum.

So hang in there, dont give up yet.
See when you are young (now I am showing my age), you dont have as much life experience to know that rough times happen, but then things get better. At your age, you go through a rough patch in life and you think, "my life will never get better" and then go try to kill yourself. However, life is made of ups and downs, and with experience you will learn that hard times dont stay, and good times come. Trust me on this, your life isnt over...it will get better as it always does, but you have to work for it. See when you are in a deep valley, you cant see the landscape and all you see is the huge mountains around you, but the only way out is to climb those mountains.

I suggest that you go do some volunteer work to get a chance to be in a setting where people appreciate you, that will help you find friends better and also feel better about yourself.

Sorry about getting kicked out of that school your really liked. Did they find the knife collection at school?
As far as your current high school, have you thought of joining a club that interests you, so you can be in a smaller group of people which seems to help you socially.

But, dont give up, things do get better...you have not lived long enough to know that life is a constant ebb and flow of good and bad times, so just hang in there.

you can pm me if you want to talk more