Need advice about a friend, also involving facebook
This friend is a 15 year old boy with AS. he's very immature, and tends to make inappropriate comments. In fact, he's made me, and many others, very uncomfortable on more than one occasion. But when he isn't making inappropriate comments, or gestures, he's an okay kid. I'm now really fed up with him. All and all, I just didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I've had enough. I finally got a facebook last year. a few of my friends are on there, and much of my family, including my Gram, who is my boyfriends Grandmother. He(the friend) posts inappropriate things on peoples walls. He says racist comments, then claims he isn't racist. He says sexist, and homophobic things (which, is Ironic, since he's clearly in the closet). He posts things on my (and others) walls, that insinuate that they said something they didn't. For instance he might say "Why would you say blue is bad?" (but more racist/sexist/homophobic). or he might say "Well I don't think red is bad". Other friends have questioned this, and I've tried talking to him about this in the past. I had to firmly tell him this summer to *never* post anything about killing transgendered people on my wall ever again. To some extent, he thinks he's joking. Nobody gets the joke. It just isn't funny. At all.
he also is interested in a certain style of artwork that I am. That's mainly why we became friends. (we met through the Aspie group I go to) . However, he has posted links to softcore porn (pinups and similar) of this style to my wall. I'm seriously not okay with a fifteen year old boy, l(or anyone really) posting that on my wall. I have people who would be really shocked and offended seeing that on my wall. I don't want people thinking I'm into that stuff. (whether I am or am not isn't the point.)
He has also posted comments on softcore of this variety, and similar.
I'm also friends with his 13 year old sister on Facebook, and she's a very sweet girl.
I tend to go on facebook one a week. However, this kid is making me feel like I have to police my page.
So, today I noticed he posted a video he made on his wall. I've already seen the video on his youtube page. I noticed some random guy who is much older than him, and he clearly doesn't know IRL post profanity. Then another girl, who I believe he knows in real life started telling him to stop. they kept posting her saying stop in various ways, and him using random profanity. I didn't interject, except to say he should probably delete him as he doesn't know him anyway. I probably should have done that by private mail. my mistake.
I then sent him a message, telling him I was worried, and thought he should be a little safer. i told him everyone can see the links he posts or comments on, especially if he has low privacy settings and that he was making me uncomfortable with some of the things he was saying. I did mention specifics, but I tried not to sound judgmental. This was several hours ago. I logged on to see his response, and saw he'd made a weird reply, which i think meant he didn't know that people could see his activity.
and, on the video thing he posted, he told me to go screw myself, and called me a goody two-shoes. When it was the other girl who was constantly telling the other guy to stop saying the "f" word. That girl then said that I was only trying to protect him. and he said i should have been watching the video instead. I didn't reply.
He also, randomly escalated his inappropriateness by responding to some strange person on his friends list request to get sexual. around the same time as he posted this stuff.
I've never been a goody two-shoes in my *life*. I'm not going to pay these childish games, and put up with this crap. I know this is long, but I feel like I had to get it out. I'm thinking of sending him a message saying I was going to sort of put the friendship on hold, and deleting or blocking him from my friends list.
any ideas? I don't want to alienate his sister, because she's a sweet kid.
Basically none of your 'friends' behaviours are justifiable given his diagnosis of Asperger's and given the inappropriate homophobic, racist and sexual posts he is making the best thing is to report them to facebook [who may remove him] and block him in the meantime. Basically you don't want to get involved with anything he is interested in because it could mean trouble for yourself - Id also recommend mentioning the problems you've had to a close friend,
Also set your privacy settings high to avoid anyone who isn't your friend seeing what you post.
Normally I would recommend you send the person a message telling him how you feel he overstepped the mark and letting him know how you feel - quite early on and would be willing to wipe the slate clean [if a person didn't know better, eg if they displayed autistic behaviours]. It might be worthwhile sending 1 or 2 lines explaining why you removed him from your friends list, letting him know that what he was posting was immature and that you and your boyfriend didn't like it. You could also mention this website to him but it may be awkward for you given this post.
I had to block someone recently because of slander, its not difficult to do. I just went to their page and there is a link to the bottom left. It also lets you report them to facebook if you need to though I think this needs to be at the offending item.
I hope this helps,
he also is interested in a certain style of artwork that I am. That's mainly why we became friends. (we met through the Aspie group I go to) . However, he has posted links to softcore porn (pinups and similar) of this style to my wall. I'm seriously not okay with a fifteen year old boy, l(or anyone really) posting that on my wall. I have people who would be really shocked and offended seeing that on my wall. I don't want people thinking I'm into that stuff. (whether I am or am not isn't the point.)
He has also posted comments on softcore of this variety, and similar.
I'm also friends with his 13 year old sister on Facebook, and she's a very sweet girl.
I tend to go on facebook one a week. However, this kid is making me feel like I have to police my page.
So, today I noticed he posted a video he made on his wall. I've already seen the video on his youtube page. I noticed some random guy who is much older than him, and he clearly doesn't know IRL post profanity. Then another girl, who I believe he knows in real life started telling him to stop. they kept posting her saying stop in various ways, and him using random profanity. I didn't interject, except to say he should probably delete him as he doesn't know him anyway. I probably should have done that by private mail. my mistake.
I then sent him a message, telling him I was worried, and thought he should be a little safer. i told him everyone can see the links he posts or comments on, especially if he has low privacy settings and that he was making me uncomfortable with some of the things he was saying. I did mention specifics, but I tried not to sound judgmental. This was several hours ago. I logged on to see his response, and saw he'd made a weird reply, which i think meant he didn't know that people could see his activity.
and, on the video thing he posted, he told me to go screw myself, and called me a goody two-shoes. When it was the other girl who was constantly telling the other guy to stop saying the "f" word. That girl then said that I was only trying to protect him. and he said i should have been watching the video instead. I didn't reply.
He also, randomly escalated his inappropriateness by responding to some strange person on his friends list request to get sexual. around the same time as he posted this stuff.
I've never been a goody two-shoes in my *life*. I'm not going to pay these childish games, and put up with this crap. I know this is long, but I feel like I had to get it out. I'm thinking of sending him a message saying I was going to sort of put the friendship on hold, and deleting or blocking him from my friends list.
any ideas? I don't want to alienate his sister, because she's a sweet kid.
Em, I did exactly that. I kept his sister but not him. Another (former) friend I made in high school I did something similar with when he "crossed the line" - I kept his brother, but not him. It's fine. If you did this you did the right thing don't worry
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
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