Learning Social Skills - Methods

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X=-1: I've been trying for almost 3 years to improve. I started by thinking this would be a matter of study, practice, and patience for me. Unfortunately I haven't found any sources to study. Without new information, I have nothing I new to practice, I'm stuck with the same skills that continue not to work. And three years is a lot of patience for an endeavor that has come up with negative results.


My hope with this thread is to get some feedback from people who have improved. I hear a lot of people say they got better but never say how. What did you do that worked? Please be really specific.

Bad Example: I read book ABC and it really helped.

Good Example: I read book ABC and I realized that I should do this instead of that, and this thing instead of that thing, and I should never do things D, E, and F which I was doing all the time before.

X=2. Most people I meet wouldn't guess that I've had problems with social anxiety and bullying in the past. Telling some friends the latter received quite shocked responses. I'm no social butterfly, however.

Most people who know me reasonably well admit that I've probably got some form of autism, however.

I think somewhere between x=1 and x=2 depending on situation, how tired I am, and how much I care.

X=3.

I can be very social only I don't even feel like I need to all the time.
I fool the professionals.

This is very important: Do you feel anything from other people? Do you actively/passively suppress feelings?

This makes a world of difference in being automatic or granny shifting in social skills, if you do not feel a single thing at anyone (even animals) you might consider looking in acting.

I can tell tons and I already have in other threads, but without empathy it's a whole other story.
It ok to not have empathy, it just makes socialising with people who have harder.

Here are a few examples for sources:

Social skill

X=1

I have made some progress in life... And I do believe that I'm better shape than 10 years ago...But I don't think I pass for neurotypical... I'm in new job, that demands some social skills and people point some problems with me all the time... I'm actually feeling I got back to school again. I'm clearly seen like the weirdo on a great range of situations, no one seems surprised with my asperger's diagnosis.

X=1 and X=-1. I've made some improvements no doubt, but also discovered how far behind I actually was. Got more bold so I can talk to anyone, but shyness turned out not to be the underlying issue. The main issue was being bad at intimacy, which makes any relationship other than the most basic ones very difficult.

Nobody sees it when they first meet me. I say hi, then talk about the weather, sports, and current events like anyone else. But after the 100th time of doing that, and no other connection has formed, they finally get that I'm just really well trained in formalities.

X=2 for scripted social skills - etiquette, politeness, stock phrases, etc. Stuff that can be learned, studied, and memorized. I'm better at this than most NTs I know. I learned these skills mostly from my mom.

X=1 for unscripted conversations. I'm working on it, but I just never know what to say to people. I can't think of a single thing to say, not even something random or weird. I get very anxious and I'm inhibited about being myself. I've gleaned all my conversation skills from all the books, TV shows, and movies I've watched over the past decade, plus a lot of people-watching. Problem is, a lot of the things I learn are contradictory. For example, there are expressions like "still waters run deep" and "we have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak", but people are always telling me I don't talk enough.

x=2 Id say I've worked very hard where I can come across as normal to people that meet me and that know me as an acquaintance. I greet people, make small talk, try to smile, show some body language, make eye contact. Most people wouldnt guess that I have aspergers and that I was selectively mute for 9 years. Id say i come across as normal to most of my friends but some of them have pointed out my social mistakes. As of right now, the only non-NT thing I do, I still haven't mastered a coherent greeting(I normally wave or say hello only when their looking, if their not looking i'll sometimes creep up on them).

Id say I got better with a lotta practice and studying people. Books nor instruction havent helped much. Just socializing with people throughout the years, with a crap load of trial and error.