Enthusiasm is bad?

Post Reply New Topic

One of the biggest problems I have with social interaction is that there are so many things that are supposed to be inherently good that are, in fact, somehow, through mysterious machinations of social complexity, become bad. Recently, I have embarrassed myself by being enthusiastic about something and have become pretty depressed today because, frankly, I can't imagine why this is bad.

I just joined an organization. This organization is made up of about 4,000 people nationwide with maybe fifty in my local chapter. When I join something like this, I feel I must contribute. So, I created a desktop using their logo to show that I can contribute graphically to their organization. This logo was three-dimensional with the full modern treatment and I thought it turned out very good and professional.

So, I put the desktops up on my web-page, said "hi" and that I was a new member to some of the officers that had to do with publications and promotional material and such, and expected a "hi" back and maybe a "welcome to the club" kind of thing. Two weeks pass and I received nothing. One person looked at it according to the log and did not respond; people seem to have dismissed it off-hand without even looking at it. I asked a friend of mine about it and he had mentioned that it looked like I was a teenager trying to show off what an artist I am by doing that and that it is childish.

Now, what I cannot figure out is, without doing that, the organization would not know what I could contribute to them. I need help analyzing how this is childish behavior. I made a point to keep my e-mail short and professional with simply a link to the web page, which simply contained links to the different sizes of desktops. I've run into this other times in my life as well: I get excited and enthusiastic and try to contribute, only to get either ignored or, far worse, attacked with negativity. I've also been told that people find this behavior threatening.

I mean, how does one even progress in life in such a situation? It amazes me. What am I doing wrong?

I think what people expect, in general, is for you to go to the organizers/ leaders, and volunteer verbally (or in writing) and ask what they need and how you can help, providing information about what you can do, rather than doing stuff first and dropping it on them. Just doing it implies that you know better than they do what they need and most groups don't like newbies acting that way.

Go in and say (or write) that you are really enthusiastic, and would really like to offer any help you can give, and what would *they* like. That gives them the power rather than seeming like you want to take charge. I know, I used to fall in the same trap. I would just barge in, see something that needed doing, and just do it, and then people would get mad at me - not for doing it, but because I didn't let anyone else decide first. My NT ex finally explained it to me. Group leaders want to retain control - so, let them, by offering rather than just doing and letting *them* tell you what they want you to do. Yeah, it's stupid, but that's the way it works.

You give no clue as to the particular field of interest, but that matters little.

One person's enthusiasm is another's raving fanaticism,
One person's measured support another's lack of commitment.

There is room to get this wrong in many, many, social and busines settings, and at both ends of the scale.

A memorial stone in a church in London commemorates a minister who for many years "Faithfully preached the gospel without enthusiasm."
But in those days "enthusiasts" were the wild-eye radicals, unthinking fanatics.

Now it can be those who are keen but lack the commitment for long term serious involvement. "Enthusiasts" who flare up and burn out.

On the other side?
"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." Ralph Wlado Emerson.

Me, I'm suspicious of those who are so enthusiastic for what ever proposal, cause... that they appear to have stopped thinking or listening to problems, options...
But real enthusiasm that remains open is wonderful.

I understand what you are saying. That was exactly was I was trying to do. I figured, they wouldn't know what I was talking about without a demo. Like selling something, the "customer" needs to actually see something first. But, what you say makes particular sense with these particular people because it is a managerial organization.

My friend also is making fun of me saying that I did it just to prove I'm smarter than everyone else. What I can't understand is: a. why does this have to be about me against other people and, b. is proving your skill a bad thing?

Either way, I'm way more upset about this than I should be. I'm getting deeply upset about this because it is something that everyone else seems to understand that I just don't get. How can doing something positive, for free, enthusiastically, possibly be a bad thing?

I'm fighting the urge, so very much fighting it, to just clam up and stop communicating with people entirely because the things I do "wrong" are always a function of some flaw with the person I'm interacting with. For example, what you stated, the flaw is not in my enthusiasm and willingness to do something, but in the fact that the person likes to be in control. That is a negative on /their/ part, not mine, yet /my/ behavior is the incorrect one. It is like I have to go around being socially inept, not because of any action I take, but because of the /social ineptness of those I am interacting with/. This kind of paradox gives me a headache.

Thanks, Anna; you put a new perspective on that for me. Assuming you're right (and I think you nailed it!), what would be my proper response to them on this? Or, should I just do what my instincts tell me and drop it, go home, continue to make stuff (but not for them) and elevate aforementioned finger toward society in general?

Entmann, I purposely wanted to be vague about it so that nobody can identify me somehow based on it. For all I know, those people I sent it to read this board. I'm used to those unlikely blunders.

You're right about that. Blind enthusiasm is dangerous. Mine is open and hopeful. I wanted to open new opportunities, not embarrass myself.

Oh well, life of an aspie. 9 out of 10 times, the attempt winds up in embarrassment /somehow/.

Okay, I give up. I'm angry enough to make a change right now to the way I think. Just because another person's behavior is based on negative things, I will not become negative or cynical and change my behavior anymore. If someone else has the problem, it will be /them/ who has the problem and /only/ them. God takes care of the details anyway. I will be positive, enthusiastic, creative, and industrial, and I no longer care about society's approval. I will bullishly go forward, even if it means making a fool of myself. The aforementioned finger has lifted off and I'm waving it high to the negative peoples of the world!

Thank you guys for the insight. I think this is a very positive change for me. How can it not lead to happiness so long as I strictly adhere to it?

I went thru a lot of those urges, ups and downs. I eventually figured out (mostly) a way to be enthusiastic *and* effective:

1. volunteer for any positions they already have posted that they need filling. even if it's simple brainless stuff (as long as it's not something that'll set off your sensitivities.)

2. once they know you're willing to follow through on stuff you volunteer for, let them know you've got skills and ask if they'd like you to do x ( whatever appropriate "x" might be) for them. Don't do it first, just offer.

3. If they ask for a sample, then make one up.

4. Accept "no" as an answer. It might be a stupid reason but accept it anyway.

5. Offer again on something else. Eventually, they'll take you up on something.

It takes time and patience. And willingness to deal with stupid primate hierarchy stuff. Yes - it's stupid. But it's the unfortunate reality of dealing with organisations. The sooner you learn how, the more effective you can be. And volunteer organisations are a good place to learn this stuff, which you can then use at work and other places where you need it. and come back and laugh here with us at how stupid it is.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Hoom! Now there's a variation I haven't seen before...
Not in all my years in Fangorn! A hasty sort of spelling.






(No worries! It beats the usual mistake by a mile!)

Anna: Thanks for the feedback! What use have I for reality, though? Reality sucks. In reality, I have to care about those primates and what they think. I think I'm going to opt for fantasy.

Emettman: Sorry about the name mangle. I think I must have been thinking about donuts.

Reality is only for those who can't handle science fiction.

Anna
--
And sleep is only a symptom of caffeine deprivation.

Kyeeeeeeah! Very well said!

I guess I can see how it works from both sides. But I was on the other end of this type of event first, and I can definitely understand why I got mad at this person.

I was (am) working on this fangame right, doing the character design/artwork. I was the only artist for ALL of the character art, but, it proved to be too overwhelming for me and my lack of focus and attention on it meant I wasn't getting any art done for long periods at a time. Well, sure enough this 'new' artist comes along, wanting to be part of the game. And seeing as how I wasn't really up to the task anymore, my friend/boss was asking if I'm going to get cracking on this work, or should this new guy replace me? Well, we talked it all out and he wasn't making any decisions yet, just warning me that he wants to get this game finished this year, cause we are becoming a laughing stock, and there is this opportunity for a new artist now, if I wanted to quit.

Well, before I even had made my decision (this was a very painful and stressful decision for me because it means alot to me to get my work shown to the world, and could get me going on opportunities in the game industry and whatnot), this guy was sending art to my friend! He was sending it, even THOUGH my friend didn't ASK him for anything, this guy just, because he felt like it, he would send art to my friend, character after character, a few examples of his work. And it wasn't in sketch format like mine was, it was FINISHED. Coloured, shaded, complete with effects in the background and a stylish font for the character name and the whole SHABANG. the guy did that in less than a DAY! Where as my art takes weeks to complete and its not the finished product!

He was pissing me off.... OOOH, I couldn't describe it, how much I hated that frikken show off, had no respect for me what so ever, wasn't even ASKED to draw up any art or examples, just does it, does it finished, perfect, and QUICKLY, and I was steaming.... He was trying to make me look like a mockery or what! I didn't know, but I didn't like it all, and I don't know why he wouldn't just BACK OFF and wait for the go ahead first before drawing up anything.

In the end I quit. I couldn't take it anymore, it was too much pressure, I decided to let the baby have his bottle. Ofcourse I feel horrible that I let the loser win, I wanted to fight for my right to remain the artist, but it just was too much of a job. Now, I'm still the artist for SOME of the game, just not ALL of it, but I wish I could have done all of it, its just that my friend doesn't want this to turn into a sherade and take too long to release.

That reminds me, I better get back to work on that stuff soon!

For one prime example: Big tits! No, I am not entirely facetious here. Consider how wonderful to be beautiful and attractive. But then consider the awkward shame and disgrace, the sin projected specially upon women, as the object of others desires. Certainly here is the most perverse of socially constructed reversals of innate value!

And likewise with any other talent, creativity or productive impulse, there is really very little to do with any actual moral slight, but everything to do with sheer immature envy, territoriality and hierarchical dominance.

How often have people first asked for my help only to waste my time with sabotage, biting their nose to spite their face!

And so, I have striven to gather a more true creative community online at http://www.FoolQuest.com in order to encourage ongoing healthy free exchange that is elsewhere so insanely treated as even discourteous and threatening to the most picayune sense of collective identity.

Also known as "production values". LOL

Why Anna, how brave of you to jest so over your own confusion and trepidation.

Sometimes, enthusiasm is a good thing, other times it is a bad thing.

It depends on how it is used.