Something from TV for Joe

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I was at my Mama's house yesterday and she was flipping through the channels and there was some medical expert on this one show talking so she stopped to listen. The guy was talking about social anxiety and tips to help deal with it when you are out. We caught the tail end of it, but there were a few suggestions and I wanted to remember then and post them for Joe because she's mentioned having that problem a lot.

I don't know if these will help you, I hope they do as he said they help a lot of people, but you can always give them a try, that can't hurt.

1. For going out when you don't look your best. If you feel like you don't look quite right, or if you know you don't because you are running an errand in painting clothes or garage cleaning clothes etc, you can really feel like people are staring and judging. This can happen even if you aren't doing something special and just don't feel like getting all the way dressed but you still need to go out.

He said to either remember the reason you are dressed this way (painting, yard work, etc) or pretend you are doing something like that if you aren't, and hold your head up and do look at others and make eye contact briefly. This kind of behavior says "I know how I look and there is a reason for it, it's perfectly acceptable". If you walk around with the attitude that it's just fine for you to look how you do, and you are aware of it, then others will usually follow along.

Also, to distract yourself somewhat, notice others. Look for others who aren't dressed appropriately, or others who are dressed badly in ill fitting clothes or out of style clothes, or things that they just shouldn't wear (ie; short shorts on someone 300 lbs, or teenage clothing on a 60 year old). Try to see how many people you can see who are dressed inappropriately, or messier than you if you are messy.

2. If you have to be out and about alone and you feel that others are always watching you. Pretend that you either have a friend with you who isn't from there and is visiting, or that you are filming a video for someone who has never been to where you live. Keep your head up, look around you, and have a running commentary in your head, to the imaginary person, explaining where you are, little tidbits of information about the area or places you pass, or people, etc. It will help distract you from thinking that you are the focus of everyone else's attention and it will help pass the time on boring outings.

3. Keep repeating to yourself that your presence is not at all important to strangers. If someone looks at you, or looks at you and makes a face, or even smiles at you, you will be forgotten the second you are out of their sight. You are not important to them at all, and are really just part of the background. Also, some people who say things or laugh and you feel that it's about you, may be doing that for a completely different reason. They may be laughing about something else while looking at you, something you did or something about your appearance may remind them of something that happened that was funny, or in the case of teenagers they may be simply trying to act oddly in public to amuse their friends, and making a face or pointing at you isn't about you at all, but about acting inappropriately in general to amuse their friends. Remind yourself that others behavior isn't about you, it's about them.


Those were all the things that I heard him say. He was a psychologist or psychiatrist or something. As I said, we caught the tail end of it, but I wanted to post this in hopes that some of those tricks might help you.

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