Always going to be the outsider...

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I'm really starting to wonder if there's anything

I'm a freelance filmmaker, which is a pretty broad term: I do research, script writing, shooting, editing, motion graphics, for documentaries. I just completed a solid month of work at a production house, for whom I've done work since May of 2009. Hardly a month has gone by where I haven't been in their office for one thing or another.

So I wrapped up work on a project for them the other day, and then today on the Facebook of one of the regular employees of the company, he mentions how he's excited for their office Christmas party, which will be followed by a casino night.

Of course, I'm not invited. They were talking about this party in the office, but never mentioned it to me. Am I supposed to ask to be invited? Yeesh.

I just don't get it. I make such an effort to be outgoing and engaging. When I walk into the office, I say Hi to EACH person. I smile, I make eye contact, I ask how they're doing. I eat lunch with them. Heck, I bring in donuts for the office.

I'm clearly a useful worker, because they've used me so much. Yet I'm not a friend. Not someone to be invited to have fun with.

It's been the story of my life...always the outsider. I get to think I'll never make any headway....because there is something fundamentally, unalterably flawed in me that NTs can sense, that they don't like, that I can never change, no matter how nice I am, how engaging I try to be, how many boxes of donuts I bring in the morning.

It certainly goes to affirm my growing position that I'm going to enjoy my life even if it means doing it alone. And I resolve to be more successful, to have a richer life than ANY of them ever will. I intend to take back and keep control.

I suspect nobody would mind if you showed up unexpectedly ... and that kind of "surprise visit" might even be appreciated by people who would not actually or already be *expecting* you to come out of some "regular employee" obligation. Personally, I always did my best to avoid those kinds of affairs.

Overall, the folks there might see you as a bit odd or whatever, yet I suspect your involvement as an outside resource is what actually plays the major part in whether or not they see and/or consider/treat you as one of themselves.

Maybe it's because you're a freelancer rather than an office dude.

Cool.

This is the story of my life too. Seen as a valuable asset on a functional level, but zero social value. Don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times people have made plans in front of me without considering my presence.

Being an outsider can be pretty sweet though. You're able to come and go as you please and you're not expected to carry burdens people often share as a group. I love my quiet time. Every time I start to feel sad I'm not an insider, I realize how much commitment that involves and how thankful I am not to have to carry so much responsability.

Sorry, I left out one major detail. I WAS a full time employee for about five months before I got laid off for economic reasons. Since then I've freelanced for them, and I'm still in the office pretty frequently.

Ah, then those folks are definitely being inconsiderate.

Still sounds like its because you're freelance. I understand the whole 5 months bit, but it seems more probable that they would invite you if you were a still regular employee as a courtesy. I mean you visit their office every month since you've stopped?

Unless you guys are just best buds (Which your post makes it sound like they're very nice acquaintances) I couldn't imagine them going out of their way for an invite.

"Hi, Bye" and smiles is enough to make me think a person is nice, not enough to make me put myself on the spot and invite them to a party.

I'm not trying to be harsh, I really know where you're coming from, the feeling of rejection hurts. As was posted-- they probably won't mind if you show up.

Eh it's too late. Party was today. f**k em all to hell anyways. Done trying to be their friends. From now on ill be using them just like they used me, so I can achbieve my goals. They sold themselves out long ago for $ and having kids and all the stuff sheeple do. I've got bigger, better things in store, and I'm done letting all these mediocre mouthbreathers get to me. They can have their f*****g pathetic party, I'm going to have to world.