how do I get invited to do things with people?

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Most people that I consider "friends" typically get invited to hang out/ go out/ go to parties with a select group of people. I'm rarely, if ever, invited in this way unless it's an organized organization event.

How do I convince people to invite me to their friendly gatherings? Do I have to invite them to things myself? What if they decline? Do I have to coax them? Or am I not considered part of their core group and can be left behind.

I'm a perennial reject.

I'm also rarely invited for stuff.. I hate this and feels like I miss a part of my life.. dunno what I could do to improve this..

good advice Janissy. through and through. my friends call me Grinch because I usually don't participate in their social endeavours, but they know more now than before. They don't invite me to clubs or parties, but if some sports are being organized, they let me know.

so you probably refused an invite here and there, and now you're labelled. Just redefine that label and your friends will probably be thrilled.

When I was a teenager I made it my special interest to have friends, so I made it NT's my main interest of study. Then I chose the hippest group as a challenge, decided to fit in. WHOA!, what a trip it was, but I somehow succeded. I remember coming to a conclusion about your answer, and it was just kind of including myself. Not letting myself leave me out by myself. And then, like a typical Aspie, I told them about my 'huge' discovery, to which they just nodded like it was obvious! You include yourself in the activities of the group that has already accepted you somehow!

To give you an example: school is over everyone is heading to the parking lot and you hear someone in your group saying to the guy next to him "hey, let's go grab some pizza and go play pool at my place".
Guy next to him goes "sure, sounds good".
Guy next to you goes "yeah, that'd be cool"
andyou're left out.
Thing is, you just missed your cue to include yourself! After guy 3 it was your turn to say somethink like
"shotgun" (silly expression in the 80's to claim copilot seat, dont know if still in use),
or something like "I'll bring the beers" (or sodas, or chips or whatever your group likes in common),
or anything along those lines that lets them know you also feel included.

I know, it's hard to believe and doesn't make much logical sense. It actually felt a bit like trespassing, but thats the NT way if you analize it. Unless it's a gathering that involves physical (or e-mail) invitations and If it's the group you kinda hang out with at school, you're the one supposed to include yourself.

They even see your not including yourself as being aloof and uninterested in what they do, so they conclude you don't even want to go. If you study them a bit, you'll come to realize that there's rarely a direct invite from any porposer of 'the plan' to all those included. Give it a shot, it's one less barrier that you'll eventually learn to cross in the everlasting effort to communicate with these bewildering but interesting NT beings

that is very well put.

I think it's just all about the way you present yourself in general. You'll probably need to learn more social skills before being invited by people other than close friends.

I really dont know. its such a gamble, using the internet to meet anyone. mostely because people just dont ever follow through with anything. so I guess you could say its just because there lonely and want to talk and not actually meetup

Okay, but I have two questions:

I know the situations vary, but how can I come up with ideas to invite people to places?

If a few friends talk about going somewhere without including you, wouldn't you asking to go along be sort of invading their time? Is it impolite to tag along?

nope! if its the group you hang oput with, its usually expected for you to tag along. And of course, you should sometimes be the one to come up with a plan, or invite them to your place or whatever... (the activity depends on your location & age group really)... from bowling, movies, pizza, bar, bonfire, beach, billiards, swimmingpool, barbecue, etc., etc.
It's considered rude if you seem not to join your group and therefore are tagged aloof, strange, distanced, so on

You are right Nereid, and it does backfire a bit because the inner nervousness never really disapears, it just diminishes. But the 'not really knowing' will always be there. Thing is, it all becomes sort of an act of blind faith. from the tagging-along to the do-theyreally-like-me part, its all a leap of faith and scary as hell especially if you were bullied a lot as a kid like I was. But it pays if you as me.

For me it was a cost-of-opportunity case scenario. Do I want to hang out with my 'friends' in order to really make better friends out of them and all get to know each other better, or do I want to feel absolutely safe. Choosing one will mean you foresake the other a bit. It's a risk, but if you want to develop those social skills its the only way. Skydiving felt like this in many ways, hehehe. That's not to say it's for all, but I've read many aspies like doing things rather than chat about them. If someone tried to explain me all the social cues, I still wouldn't get them (And I'm sure they were explained to me several times by elders) But I onlyu learn while doing, its there that I find the pattern and once that happens I trust it, and then dare myself to copy it

I wish I could make the fear go away, for me and for you and for all of us. But its there, and we have to learn how to manage it so it doesn't prevent us from doing what we want.