Communicaiton issue!

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Last night for the first time in a few weeks i went out with my friends. At first when i was hanging out with them i was joking around with them and having a laugh and i thought my socalising was going ok. later in the evening we were playing poker and i was nervous about making a good impression so i tried hard to make small talk and communicate but it was stressful because some of my friends that are NTs did not really take in what i was saying and what i said went through one ear and out the other.

the thing is i think i have AS or something on the specturm and in my mind in social situations there is a voice in my head which holds me back saying "You have got aspergers and communication will never natuarlly come to you so do not even try to make small talk because you will keep failing." Its when you have that negetive self doubt is what really ruins my confidence and stops from communicating.

After poker we got in our cars and drove to our other friends apartment. i was in the car with 2 of my NT friends and i tried to make small talk with them but they just blew of what i was saying and did not respond back to me. A dyslexic friend and a friend with ADHD in my social circle i find it easier to communicate with.

when we got back to the friends apartment i just i started to get quiet while everyone else was talking a way at each other. i did not feel good at all becuase i tried to communicate but it failed qutie badly.

At least i have quite a big group of friends though

Yeah, whenever I attempt small talk, I usually get all hyper and giggly and start rambling. If other people try small talk with me, I usually give one word answers. And yet, somehow I have friends, not sure how that happened lol.

I don't get giggly but i do get hyper. some NTs are so hard to understand. Indeed they can be an engima (rapped in mystery).

I find NTs who are closer to the spectrum or have some ecentric behaviours are far easier for me to communicate with. the full blown NTs 'MEH' there impossible

I mean i am not trying to be arrogent but 2 of my friends there impossible to get through to. I say something and they do not respond or have to repeat myself for them to listen. These people are the hardest for me to communicate with because they put up some of s**t barrier. So confusing.

Maybe its different for you guys. Personally, if Im actually friends with a good number of the people in the group, I wont have communication problems because Im already at least somewhat comfortable around most of them hence why they are my "friends". Where the problems comes in is that often times when Im with groups of people, it'll be some friends with a good mix of acquaintances (people whom I know but Im not really friends with), they are often friends of friends. Then I'll have all that social, emotional exhaustion cause I don't know them as well. Maybe this is just not a problem for me or u guys have looser definitions what what u call friends. For me to call someone a friend, I should have an individual connection with the actual person as in Ive had the opportunity to talk one on one with them sufficiently. Not the I just see the person always with someone else. If Ive never found that individual connection then they aren't friends, they acquaintances.

Jamesy, I think you hit on two really important things here:

- Don't try too hard
- Confidence is everything

When I listen to NTs gabbing back and forth, I realize that half the crap they say doesn't really make any sense. But somehow it's a different kind of nonsense than what I come up with. Like you, I find that I just can't seem to solve that puzzle and figure out how to get in to the flow of the group. I think it's possible that we confuse them somehow and that's why we get no response.