Corydaman93 wrote:
There are honestly some days when I just want to commit suicide because of what I've been going through. I have absolutely no friends, like literally, NO friends. I attend a high school that has 2110 students where people (Even other aspies and autists) easily make friends and I still can't manage to make a single friend. I'm always too shy to talk to people so I just let them come to me, because I'm afraid of being rejected. Usually people are more happy talking to me when they come to me more than they are when I approach them anyways. No matter what I do, no matter what type of person I try to be, people seem to always think and assume the worst out of everything I do. Note: I haven't really been bullied yet this year but everybody seems to be ignoring me, no matter what. If I put myself out there, this will only cause more and more rejection, which will of course cause me to have more anxiety and depression. And before you go on about joining extra curricular activities, please note that I've done this in the past and group members were always more interested in NT's who joined those extra curriculars more than me, so that NEVER WORKS, it's not that much different than meeting people in your classes. I've also missed out on parties, dating (Never had a GF, EVER, and I am 17!!), group gatherings, MSN. Facebook, Texting etc. etc. because no peers like me.
Of course I understand that my communication skills are lacking, which is why I have no friends, but the unfortunate thing is that nobody my own age will ever be accomodating to my difficulties in social interaction. Everybody in my life that has truly cared for me has either been an aspie/autist themselves or are at least 5 years older than me.
Also, people who may have talked to me a fair bit in the past have eventually drifted apart from me and stopped talking to me, and even when they were nice to me they knew I was different. What gives?? Probably at least 90% of the people I've ever had some sort of verbal contact with in my life no longer acknowledges me if they see me. Sometimes I miss my childhood days when most peers were politically correct over my deficits (I.e, one-on-one assistance, social and motor difficulties etc.) Now, everybody seems to be ignoring me because of my deficits.
Has anybody here had social deficits THIS BAD when they were my age, or if you are younger than me, are your social deficits really THIS BAD??
Note: Despite the title, I don't necessarily hate having autism, I just sometimes hate the way I'm TREATED because I have autism.
I fully sympathise with you. I hated school and couldn't wait to get out. Only made one friend in almost 12 years - same age as me, but have another friend of the same age. I have made friends with people older than myself.
Like you, I missed out on having a good education at school, higher education, better qualifications, parties, dating, intimacy, engagement, marriage and having children.
My level of literacy and communication skills may not be great, but I have to get on with life with the best of my abilities.
My family do not accept my social deficits. I have been told, I didn't start to walk until I was 2 years of age, didn't talk until I was 3 and a half, didn't tie my showlaces until I was 8 years old, couldn't click my fingers and ride a bike until I was 11, had a phobia of young women born between 1968 and 1979. So I had a preference for older (pre-1968) and younger women (post-1980).
One of my cousins told me, I was always quiet as a child - now I know why.
I'm sorry to hear people you've met in the past, have drifted apart from you. Like you, I don't appreciate having autism as well and how it impacts my family, but also people outside of the family circle as well.
Wouldn't it be great if Aspergers was cured? Unfortunately, we aspies have to live with it.
15 Dec 2010, 8:11 pm
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I dont know i could help
