Responding constructively to conflict-seeking idiots

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Mercurial
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17 Jan 2011, 8:50 am

So, I get an email from someone in another forum that basically says:

Quote:
"I wanted to say first that I disagree with your comment in such-such thread. I don't understand what you mean by X, Y and Z, even though I am sure I disagree with all of it. Please explain what you meant. You said apples could be red, but I have oranges, and they are not red. Please give me examples to support your claim that apples could be red. I am asking because, while I disagree with everything you said, I don't understand what I am disagreeing with, so please explain."


Seriously. This is NOT a mocking hyperbole of what this person's email said. It's almost word for word in fact. :roll: How the bleep can I respond to this without sounding like a condescending as*hole myself? And why do people think merely being contentious is some sort of valid argument in itself?

I HATE conflict-seeking people, and I think this is all this person is. She's just looking to squabble. How do I respond to such person? Besides just saying, "This is just being contentious for contentiousness' sake. Stop it, please"? At the moment, I'm thinking simply to not respond at all, although I am concerned if I don't respond, she'll just use that in the forum against me: "Hey, I emailed you before and you did not respond. Why are you not willing to explain your positions?" You know, that kind of crap.

Anyone have any strategies for dealing with unreasonable, conflict-seeking idiots? I mean, beyond simply calling them out on their conflict-seeking behavior?



BluePuppy
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17 Jan 2011, 9:10 am

Don't feed the animals. Instead of a contentious reply politely explain everything again in different words, and refer her back to that if she keeps prodding.



Sallamandrina
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17 Jan 2011, 9:21 am

My question is how can you disagree with something you don't understand? :?

Can you ask a mod there maybe to assist you with something like "let's just agree to disagree and move on"? (assuming you're not sure how to do it yourself without feeding the conflict - I probably wouldn't)


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leejosepho
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17 Jan 2011, 9:32 am

BluePuppy wrote:
... politely explain everything again in different words ...

Agreed. That e-mail might have actually meant something like this:

Quote:
"I wanted to say first that I [have never before heard a report such as yours, and I am actually very curious about it even though I have been pre-conditioned to instead simply] disagree with your comment in such-such thread. I don't understand what you mean by X, Y and Z, even though I am sure I disagree with all of it [simply because it is completely new to me]. Please explain what you meant. You said apples could be red, but I have oranges, and they are not red. Please give me examples to support your claim that apples could be red. I am asking because, while I disagree with everything you said, I don't understand what I am disagreeing with, so please explain."


Help him or her come to understand.


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sartresue
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17 Jan 2011, 12:23 pm

Mercurial wrote:
So, I get an email from someone in another forum that basically says:

Quote:
"I wanted to say first that I disagree with your comment in such-such thread. I don't understand what you mean by X, Y and Z, even though I am sure I disagree with all of it. Please explain what you meant. You said apples could be red, but I have oranges, and they are not red. Please give me examples to support your claim that apples could be red. I am asking because, while I disagree with everything you said, I don't understand what I am disagreeing with, so please explain."


Seriously. This is NOT a mocking hyperbole of what this person's email said. It's almost word for word in fact. :roll: How the bleep can I respond to this without sounding like a condescending as*hole myself? And why do people think merely being contentious is some sort of valid argument in itself?

I HATE conflict-seeking people, and I think this is all this person is. She's just looking to squabble. How do I respond to such person? Besides just saying, "This is just being contentious for contentiousness' sake. Stop it, please"? At the moment, I'm thinking simply to not respond at all, although I am concerned if I don't respond, she'll just use that in the forum against me: "Hey, I emailed you before and you did not respond. Why are you not willing to explain your positions?" You know, that kind of crap.

Anyone have any strategies for dealing with unreasonable, conflict-seeking idiots? I mean, beyond simply calling them out on their conflict-seeking behavior?


Ill-Literate topic

This is how my youngest argues with me sometimes. :wink:

It is mumbling, random, incoherant and makes little grammatical sense. Does not compute. :P

I would communicate this politely to the person in question via e-mail. Either then she will rephrase or ignore, and then the problem is solved. 8)


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MidlifeAspie
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17 Jan 2011, 12:36 pm

I would delete the email and not give it another thought.



Mindslave
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17 Jan 2011, 12:53 pm

Mercurial wrote:
So, I get an email from someone in another forum that basically says:

Quote:
"I wanted to say first that I disagree with your comment in such-such thread. I don't understand what you mean by X, Y and Z, even though I am sure I disagree with all of it. Please explain what you meant. You said apples could be red, but I have oranges, and they are not red. Please give me examples to support your claim that apples could be red. I am asking because, while I disagree with everything you said, I don't understand what I am disagreeing with, so please explain."


Seriously. This is NOT a mocking hyperbole of what this person's email said. It's almost word for word in fact. :roll: How the bleep can I respond to this without sounding like a condescending as*hole myself? And why do people think merely being contentious is some sort of valid argument in itself?

I HATE conflict-seeking people, and I think this is all this person is. She's just looking to squabble. How do I respond to such person? Besides just saying, "This is just being contentious for contentiousness' sake. Stop it, please"? At the moment, I'm thinking simply to not respond at all, although I am concerned if I don't respond, she'll just use that in the forum against me: "Hey, I emailed you before and you did not respond. Why are you not willing to explain your positions?" You know, that kind of crap.

Anyone have any strategies for dealing with unreasonable, conflict-seeking idiots? I mean, beyond simply calling them out on their conflict-seeking behavior?


I've gotten this type of thing before, this exact type of thing. Basically, the other person thinks that opinion is fact. Nothing you can say will help her come to an understanding. I've tried this before, and nothing works. (Well, I've gotten it to work before, but you have to agree with the other person more than you do yourself, while at the same time maintaining your point...sort of. It's too much work and stress, and certainly not worth it after 5 exchanges, which is probably what it will take) So just ignore it. If you do, the other person won't message you again, probably because she thinks she has won the argument by default. If she does message you again, then...well, just message her back and tell you you like egg salad, and see what she says. Then after a stupid response, tell her what your favorite TV show is, and why it's great. I've done that before, and the responses I got were hilarious.

And if she does "call you out in the forum" maybe explain to her that your positions are self explanatory, and as such are beyond her comprehensions. The square root of 9 is 3, and that does not require an explanation. Or inform her that steak is best seasoned with salt and garlic pepper and teriyaki marinade, and that you are hungry at the moment.



mightypen515
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31 Jan 2011, 9:20 pm

Okay, um...what the hell?
I'm just shaking my head, not understanding her statement at all.
Am I taking her statement too literally?
Isn't it common knowledge that an apple can be red?
Or yellow, or green? Granny Smith's are green. Fuji's are...yellow? What are the red ones called?
Hell is she talking about oranges for??????
8O
She sounds like a troll.