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mesona
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15 Jan 2011, 5:12 pm

I met this cool girl about five months ago. We talk every night online. We always make plans to hang(movie malls and such) yet we hanged only once(she for some reason had her little brother and a random friend come with er). Any time i try to make plans with her something always happens. She is either busy with School, family or a different friend (I am understand life happens) but the last month she was out of class but every time I tired to get her to hang out with me she changed the subject. Last night she told me she was so bored the past month because she had nothing to do and told me"let's hang soon" I got upset with her(she goes back to school on 18 and is busy this weekend) and told her "I am really getting the feeling you don't want to hang but just to talk about hanging out" and she blow up at me. She was upset I called her a lair and kept asking why would she say we would hang soon if she did not mean it. She said I was never clear on wanting to meet or asked her enough times to be Serious. Also two weeks ago I found out her age and told her I was happy she was over 21 (I thought she was 19) because she said she got drunk on new years and she got upset I did not tell her I did not like her underage drinking(which she did not do) and I should like her for her and I should have told her when she told me she was drunk not way later(she called it being open) and than Monday of this week I make a joke about her being old as me when a library opens by her(inside joke) and she got odd because turns out she will be as old as me at the end of the month. In March there is an anime con she keeps asking me to come to but she does not care if I go or not.

Does she want to be my friend or is she leading me on for some reason? She keeps telling me to trust her and she does not feel she blows me off but she hides her life from me and never try's to hang with me or even ims me first.


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Lene
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15 Jan 2011, 6:02 pm

It sounds as if she may see you as an online friend only (i.e. someone to chat to on the computer but not someone to physically hang out with).

It's a bit unfair that she got angry at you when you pointed out that she never kept her word. If I were you I'd either just ignore those 'plans' when she mentions them again, or try to have a conversation about them. It may be that she's afraid of losing you as a friend if she just admits that she wants the friendship to be online only (which happens sometimes).

(as for meeting you with the brother and friend, that was probably just for safety; it's always a good idea to meet a stranger off the internet wih company)



mesona
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15 Jan 2011, 6:20 pm

Wow. 75 views and one post.

I also asked her if I was just a chat friend. she says I am not.

she said I pick the time and place and she will set it up. I did ignore it saying I had plans. (plus she made this offer after our fight) she said it was all just a misunderrstanding.


as for her bring her brother to the mall. we met at a con first so its not meeting off the net.


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BlueMage
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15 Jan 2011, 6:44 pm

She's not into you.

If a girl ever talks to you about how bored she is, that's a red flag right there. If she was really interested she would be trying to impress you, and talking about how bored one is just makes them seem like a boring and depressing person.



mesona
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21 Jan 2011, 4:03 pm

Update. S
he said she was sorry and was really upset she upset me. So I took her up on the offer to hang. we were going to see a movie by her (she lives an hour away so we were going to meet in the middle) but I let it slip ONE TIME that it was a far drive for me so she moved it closer to me saying "its to far for you. I wont let you drive that far for me. I dont want you holding this over my head" but the pleace she picked has nothing to do(its a hotel area no jokes please. Its where we first met at a con) for coffee. Beisdes when she does things I do not understand (like asking me what my dream date is and my dream girl and not telling me hers) She is cool and I have a crush on her(She knows it because I asked her out) I do not kow how to read her. she is busy with class and I heard she had made some bad picks in boyfriends in the past. I am at a loss on what to do or say to get out of the friends zone but not push her into something she does not like. she knows I have aspergerss(bad day and bad drinking) and seems okay with it but..


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Chronos
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23 Jan 2011, 10:24 pm

It might be possible that this girl as AS as well, and you indeed aren't being clear enough with her.

Be direct in the language you use when trying to arrange plans with her. Don't say "maybe we can hang out" and leave it all "up in the air". If you were asking her to the movies, for example, don't say "Maybe we can see a movie this weekend" as that might not be concrete enough for her even if she says "sure"

After she agrees to the plans, set the time, and date.

"Ok, how about Saturday at 7pm?" If she agrees then confirm. "So I'll see you Saturday at 7pm. Do you want me to pick you up?"

In other words, make sure both of you are aware that this is a set thing. No just a casual "maybe we will, maybe we won't" type thing.

It might also be that she likes you as a friend but doesn't want to date you and isn't sure if she should proceed with the relationship. If that's the case, you need to decide what your feelings are towards her and then clarify them to her. If being friends only is ok, then you should tell her that.