Social mistake; Can I fix it after the fact?

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I recently attended a gathering at someone's house for a baby that had just been baptized. I got married very recently (about a month and a half ago). At the get together there was a woman who is friends with some of the people who were invited to the wedding. She was not invited to the wedding. I did not know her very well; I had only met her a few times. The host of the get together was unable to go to the wedding due to an illness and asked me a few questions about the wedding. I tried not to talk about it too much but the subject did come up.

I sensed something was not quite right when I sat down at a table with some people who were invited and the woman who was not invited. So I asked the lady who gave me a ride if she thought the other woman was offended by not being invited to the wedding. I don't know this woman who wasn't invited; I had only met her a handful of times at the rare social gatherings I attend. It turned out that the friend of the woman who was not invited made a big deal out of it and thought it would be awkward for me to go to the movies with them afterwards since her friend was not invited to the wedding. Now I realize that the subject of my wedding had come up at a fortieth birthday party I went to (again, a rare social invitation). The friend of the woman who was not invited brought he subject up. I am disappointed because I thought that I would be able to be a part of that group of friends but apparently that's not going to work. Is it too late to apologize for talking about the wedding in front of someone who was not invited? I feel so stupid and I don't know if this situation can be fixed or not.

I've found that some social mistakes require time. You obviously can't go back and change the fact that this woman wasn't invited to your wedding. Maybe there's a way to remedy the situation but I don't know what it is

She really made the mistake by bringing up the wedding in front of her friend. You would have had to have an artful level of social skills, like that sometimes shown in movies, to redirect. The fact that you ask this question, observed this situation, made this post, well, you might have patchy social skills, like I do, like many of us do. And that is perfectly okay. You have social skills in some areas, you are actively learning and adding social skills in other areas.

If she was only an acquaintance, why does she care so much? The fact that they didn't want you to go to the movies with them because of it seems more than a little unkind.

From my perspective, I would say that you haven't made a mistake.

AS,
I agree with the previous poster about someone being cold towards you about not being invited to a wedding who you don't know. I would think the normal NT thing to do is understand that you don't know here and so she wouldn't be invited. I think they are blowing this issue way out of proportion an over a movie too. This sounds like social drama, and you need to stay away from people and situations like that and think about your real friends who matter. You also didn't do anything wrong in talking about a wedding. That was their problem and not yours, good grief. It also sounds like this is another excuse to gossip and try and act like a couple of high school clicks.

Which goes to show that 'normal' people have patchy social skills, too.

Now, about the wedding itself, I guess some peole have the kind of small town, invite everyone in the town approach. And if that's the way they want to do it, that's fine. But this is your wedding, and you and your spouse get to choose how you want to do it.

Did you do anything on purpose to hurt another?

No.At least what you wrote sounded very innocent to me. You were in no way trying
to hurt the ones invited or not invited to any wedding. You were answering questions
having conversations that were not intended to hurt. You do not sound like someone trying
to hurt another.

From my perspective, You did nothing wrong!

And if someone is going to exclude you for a mis-understanding or an accidental conversation
about a wedding they did not attend, maybe they need to drift away for a little while.
They do not deserve your kindness.

Miyah said it perfectly " I think they are blowing this issue way out of proportion."

It is hard when we are lonely we tolerate poor behavior but you did nothing wrong. Let this
pass and know you are a good person. These hens will find a new target to be mad at
and will want you invited to the next shower event. Give them space and time. Hold your
head up high, you did nothing wrong.

Be good to you. Be the friend to yourself you wish they would be to you.
~mm

They don't sound like the kind of friends I'd want to have. Why should you have to invite anyone to YOUR wedding that you don't really know? That's just sillyness and drama-queenery.

I agree. Just ignore what happened. It was not a serious mistake. Come to think of it, it was not a mistake at all. You're free to invite whomever you want to your wedding, and you are free to talk about your wedding to people. I hardly think a woman who doesn't really know you would expect to be invited to your wedding, by the way. Just forget what happened. It really shouldn't be a problem. If friends of yours bring up the topic of your wedding in front of people who were not invited, just go ahead and talk about your wedding all you want. Do not feel bad, awkward or ashamed of that. You've no reason to be.

The social blunder was not yours. It was your wedding, and you had the right to invite (or not invite) whomever you pleased, for whatever reason you chose. The social blunder was that of the woman who has spoken poorly of you. The correct procedure would have been, when she noticed her friend was not invited, to ask if you if she could bring her as a guest - not to wait until after the wedding and then speak ill of you. That is very poor social skills.

Give it time and be open and friendly to everyone in the group. Over time, they will realize that your intentions toward others are genuine and will see that this other woman's are not so much.

What a b***h! Sorry, but that was completely not her place to decide. Maybe I'm judging too quickly, but she sounds like someone who likes to stir trouble.

Were you invited to the baby shower before or after your wedding? If it was after, then I wouldn't feel guilty at all. You might want to be sensitive about it (which you were; your friend was the one who put her foot in it) but other than that, give it time and she'll get over it. She'll have her hands more than full for the next few months anyway.

Maybe organise your own group night out some day and be sure to invite this woman along too; that'll clear some of the bad blood if there is any.

The prevalent NT mood is one of feeling mildly offended by someone or something. What that someone or something is is largely incidental.

(NB: I use NT as an adjective, not a noun!)

ALWAYS ASK THE HOST/HOSTESS BEFORE JUST INVITING PEOPLE!!

yes, right there, what Malisha said. You said you barely know her and have only met a few times. She should not have expected to be invited to the wedding of someone she's only met a few times. Miss Manners absolutely would tell her that. Any etiquette expert would tell her that. Weddings are incredibly personal events. My wedding included our families and only our closest friends.



again, right there, what quesonrias said. Your acquaintance was the one who committed the social blunder. She's being...she's being weird! Why would she speak ill of someone she barely knows because that someone didn't invite her to a very personal event that takes months of planning? For real. If she expected to be invited to your wedding just because she happens to have met you a few times...she's expecting diamonds to fall in her lap, or cash to come flying out of her behind. She sounds like a whiner, and a boor.
Oh! but...hang around her a little, just in case. When the diamonds fall, you might be able to catch one. When the cash comes flying out, make sure you have some gloves on.