But you're good at socializing....

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On the 19th I had an evaluation, though I'm still waiting for the results. I've mentioned this to a few people (family and such). I'm getting really tired of hearing them nonchalantly dismissing the possibility that I have Asperger's. They tell me how I'm fine with socializing and I'm nothing like soandso who has Asperger's.

Seriously? I guess because I don't freak out in crowds, they think I don't have difficulties. I'm good enough with one on one, but add more people and I get progressively more withdrawn. I'm also pretty good at slipping away unnoticed. Basically, I don't make a scene. But inside I'm anxious, uncomfortable, and trying desperately to figure out what's appropriate to say and do. It's frustrating to realize that those that I'm closest too, don't get me at all.

I'm not really going to rant about lumping all Asperger's into one mold. I think that covers it enough.

this is typical behaviour, you know. the same way you can't relate to NT people. It's a two way avenue.

this is one aspect that sucks about the deal.

Don't ever expect NTs to understand. They believe your natural intuition in social situations will kick in just like thiers does.

I personally get sick of all the "get your feet wet" advice. Like if I introduce myself and make small talk, everything else later on will magically fall into place. It hasn't and it never will.

I still feel the same way as OP does, and have had a very social life. Social but full of inner fright and a social clumsiness that is hardly ever noticed because my brain is going at top speed to counter all my blunders succesfully (most of the time). But its truly exhausting!

The thing is, like deadeyexx pointed, it never comes naturaly and small talk is quite the chore! But to add to his point a bit, I'm 43 and after a couple decades of getting my feet wet not knowing I was Aspie, it has become more natural. Like a well trained muscle. As most Aspies, I'm quite clumsy in the physical dept, but I like phisical activity so I go out and do it, knowing that after months of sucking at it (in this case tennis) all of a sudden something makes 'click' in my brain about the dynamics and all of a sudden I play quite decently (if I say so myself).

All this is to say, it does get easier to socialize with NTs, and all the cues we have to follow consciously become easier to grasp the more we put them into practice. That's not to say however that you'll one day feel totaly at ease in a crowded party full of strangers; (Just to think of it makes me shiver, hehehe). But most of the time you'll hardly be noticed for being odd as it happens to the younger Aspies, and that helps a lot when dealing and trying to be friendly in social circumstances, and knowing you dont look that odd takes the edge out of the fear

Now, back to my puzzles

On the first session, bout 40 minutes in with one of my therapists, he told me he didn't think my problems were as big as I thought they were because I was doing such a great job talking with him. The only thing I had said to him the entire time was my name at the beginning of the session.

I don't know why people seem so blind to this, but they are.

I don't mnd being in an area with other people--- even crowds. but i am still in my own little world, so i am not necessarily WITH them. most people will come to ME, and so it makes me feel social... but it is simply me answering questions usually... so i am still lonely. i never seem to feel like them unless i am drunk... and i don't want to have to feel dumb just to fit in.