A Peer making excuses

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I had recently gotten in touch with a girl who I had a falling out with a long time ago. Long story short, she hurt me so bad that I never really forgave her. This girl has been known to show acts of passive aggressive behavior in blowing me off every time I have tried to contact her. So, long story short, I have been in counseling talking about her and I decided that I wanted to reconcile with her about why she chose to reject me the way she did. I sent her one e-mail asking her why but she never responded so I sent her another one stating that I really felt that she wasn't interested in me and that it was clear that she didn't like me. However, she wrote back acting like she really didn't care.

"I'm sorry, but I have this job and it keeps me really busy. I will call you in a few days." She often says things like this to me if I try to tell her how I feel. It's like she brushes me off. How many of you have dealt with people like her?

Yeah, my former maid-of-honor. She was supposedly a good friend but had moved to NJ. Anyway, I was in FL (we both knew each other in PA) so there'd be distance, anyhow. I asked her to be my maid-of-honor and she happily accepted, and in that phone call, she seemed to understand what that role involved.

She started ignoring my emails about planning the wedding, she never gave me any ideas on what kind of dress she would like nor her price range so I didn't choose something that would inconvenience her. She gave me feedback on NOTHING. She never returned my calls. I knew she was in college full-time but she wasn't working (I had kids and a job to tend to) so I didn't understand why she couldn't take some time to give me any answers at all.

Six months of this went on and I'm nearing my wedding date with absolutely no help or progress on the MOH front. My other bridesmaid is wondering what the hell is going on. I sent this MOH an email, saying, "I need you to make a decision on whether or not you really want to be my Maid of Honor. If you do not have opinions on anything about the wedding, that's fine but there are somethings that you need to decide as the MOH. You need to communicate with me and I've not heard a word from you at all for six months." A week passed with NO response. I emailed again, "Nevermind. I have decided that I do not want you to be my Maid of Honor. Unfortunately, due to the way you've handled this matter over these past months, I no longer want you to be my friend." She told every mutual acquaintance that I was harassing her with an endless stream of incoherent and over-emotional emails. WHAT?! She then proceeded to go on the internet (livejournal) and bash my wedding on all the communities I was on until she was banned by those community moderators. It was heartbreakingly infantile.

I named my other bridesmaid (someone that I met through Livejournal and hadn't even met in real life until she showed up to help prep for the wedding!) my MOH and she was an incredible help to me... everything you'd imagine a MOH should be and everything you'd imagine a FRIEND should be. We've only gotten closer since then. She's like a sister to me.

Some people just aren't worth your time. Save your time for the people who are more than worth it.

As far as I know, this one doesn't go around and accuse me of harassing her for being over emotional. However, she is very passive aggressive like the way your so-called friend was to you. For example, one-time she agreed to sleep over and I had called to confirm it with her on the day that she was coming. However, her mother picked up the phone and pretty much made and excuse for her that she was putting her make up on and that it was my responsibility to call back in 15 minutes. Long story short, I follow through but no one answers and I wait an hour later, and her mother again picks up the phone and tells me that she had just dropped her off to get together with her boyfriend. I was pretty mad at her for a good three months. This was a long time ago. It's been years since this game but it's like she really hasn't grown up or let alone changed. Like I told her in my last e-mail, it seemed that she didn't really like me and I was fine with that because I had just turned cold with her. Yet, when she wrote back, she sent me this short e-mail saying that she was busy and would call her in a few days. I knew that was phoney and unlikely that she will ever grow up to be a good friend.

I really wouldn't waste my time on someone like that. My friends want to spend time with me. Anyone who is actually your friend would want to spend time with you.

I am not offended at all because this is someone who you don't expect much from and since I have made a lot of new connections it's fine. With ex-friend, she has some low self-esteem and it's very important to have a guy on her arms or she isn't happy. I got kicked when she started dating when she meant to world to me. However, she started showing early signs of disinterest with me two years before she pushed me away.