Fear of Shutting Down

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Okay, so I'm involved in a roleplay group. I have a friend who introduced me to the group, and he's a member of the group. During the next session, for the first time, while I'll (maybe?) be there, he won't be (He's busy). No problem, right? Wrong. Now, I don't want to go either. Although I'm the first one to say that everyone in the group is very agreeable and nice, anytime I'm alone with them, without my friend, I shut down. I just sort of bury myself in a book and try to talk as little as possible and/or isolate myself. I've been trying to picture probable situations, and here's what I've come up with:

The group is made up of me, my (male) friend, one other girl, and two other, older guys. If it's the two guys and the girl, I feel like there's a decent shot I'll be okay. When I try to visualize that situation, there isn't that much nervousness. However, if I try to picture the situation with just the two guys (which is likely - the girl isn't the most regular attendee, and I never know if she's attending or not until the day of), I can already feel myself starting to panic and shut down.

I don't feel that if I talk to my friend about it, he'll understand, and I'm worried that I'll piss him off. He's good friends with the whole group, and I'm worried that he'll take it as an attack on the guys' character, which it's not! Although we have similar interests, our personalities are very different, and he's much more extroverted than I am. I don't really think he gets the idea that I'm more worried about a reaction that I'm worried that I'll have than anything that the guys might do.

Right now, I'm debating trying to come up with somewhere else to be, so that I can miss the session too.

Any advice would be helpful.

EDIT: Oh, and before anyone asks, I'm definitely not attracted to either of the guys. I'm actually ace. But I've had bad social experiences with guys (girls too, but less bad) in the past. That + the fact that I don't have any contact with these guys outside the roleplay group, + the fact that I've freaked out around them before and I think it took them a while to decide that I'm not a complete head case = MORE panic.

This sounds like a tough situation. You describe social anxiety, and I suffer from it even in my own home. Until recently, I would starve myself because I was just too afraid to go down to the kitchen when other people were in that area.

Overall, it is best to face our fears if possible--to push ourselves outside the comfort zone. When this happens, we enter a new realm of confidence with ourselves and certain social situations become easier for us.

To be honest, a roleplay group sounds like a lot of fun. It would be a darn shame if you had to miss out on the fun. However, ultimately, this all comes down to can you make yourself go outside the comfort zone. I do see what you are saying about shutting down. If that happens perhaps say that you need to use the restroom and just take some time for yourself to compose yourself.

But, if you think this is just too much too handle then you can either tell your friend the truth (and, I don't think he will be upset), or make up a story.

Anyway, this is a complex subject. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you have fun at the group.

How long have you been in the a roleplay group? if not that long it is understandble to not want to be alone with two older guys. It sounds like you enjoy going so Try. dont think of it as you going think of the person you are playing. Think of the other girl as going and have a back up if she does not. It could be as simple as setting your cell it go off and it being a call you need to go pick up a different friend or your mom wants you to come home because that one friend she has just stopped by out of the blue and really wants to see how you have grown.

It's been for a decent amount of time at this point. Once a week, about a semester. Maybe a little less, if you count breaks (Fall and Winter). Thank you very much for the advice. Maybe I'll try going.