Bullies

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What do you think is the best way for a person wih Aspergers to deal with or avoid being bullied?

Last edited by macvincent on 07 Aug 2004, 11:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Don't try to deal with them; just ignore them and try to avoid finding them.

Stand tall, hold your head up and walk with a long stride.

The biggest mistake I made in Junior High school was always keeping my head down at the ground in the hallways. Also don't look at anyone for any longer than a quick glance. Staring at a bully as they walk down the hallway is a dead give away to everyone else that it's open season on you.

Have some speech/voice therapy, the characteristic 'weak' AS voice invites bullying or ridicule.

okay, was not very good at this at school...but safety in numbers. just try to avoid the people & situations where you know there is likely to be trouble. making friends or allies with some of the older kids can help, let them 'take you under their wing' you'll still be considered weird, but the bullies think twice!

I am the Mum of a 7 year old Aspie and recently purchased a book titled "Bullies are a pain in the brain". Some of the suggestions are as follows:
Learning Self Defence is a good way to protect yourself, and gain confidence. You will not only learn to defend yourself, but you will gain the confidence not to fight...
Dont be afraid to tell an adult, but do it in private.
Take a deep breath, look them in the eye, and say in your firmest voice "Dont do that" or "leave me alone"...then walk away.
Sometimes humor may help. If a bully threatens to beat you up, say "I'll save you the trouble. Ill go straight home and beat myself up".
Good luck

Don't make it worth-while for a bully to beat you up. Find out why he is doing it, and make the reason not work anymore.

I hate to say it, but most of the responses here aren't really going to help do much of anything except perhaps lower your self-esteem.

The only way to deal with bullies is to learn to stand up for yourself. Don't fall into believing the crap that bullies tell you- you are better than them, and the more they try and make you feel stupid, the more you will realise that they themselves are the ones who are stupid.

Basically you are just going to keep getting bullied until you learn: Don't take s%#& from anyone.
I'm not saying try and fight them or anything, but if they do try and beat you up- don't let them enjoy it by cowering and whimpering, give as good as you get!

Don't provoke bullies, but if they bully you, don't fall for it- its their weakness not yours.

A good film I'd recommend you watch is "Cool Hand Luke" with Paul Newman.

Not taking crap is one thing, actually being able to do something about is another. Getting the upper edge on a bully is a monumental task for anyone let alone any of us, since bullies are experts at intimidation, and it's hard to get them to back down.

In my situation, all the people who bullied me were people I would have never stood a chance against in any kind of fight. I was weak, clumsy, and uncordinated when compared to others. Plus the bullies were never above retaliatory sneak attacks, and always traveled in groups, which made standing up to them even more of a problem.

On top of that, in most school settings, the victim who fights back usually gets punished worse than the agressor. At least it was in my school district. It's a cruel double standard that has to be ended.

Trying to beat a bully at his own game sounds tempting and may be the best over soultion, but in reality it's one of the least practical.

I don't think any of us are trying to sound negative, but the truth can be harsh. For me at least, getting thru a day with out getting tripped, punched, or shoved, was a self-esteem builder in itself.

Sometimes the worst bully could be a parent. I don't want to get into that all over again. I've ranted on about it enough on the General Disscussion Board.

IMHO Self Esteem is over-rated.

I'm not saying to try and fight, I'm just saying don't let them enjoy it- they get their pleasure from dominating people. Refuse to be dominated.
I'm not a good fighter- I'd get the crap kicked out of me in pretty much any fight. It doesn't mean I have to stand there and let it happen.

Nobody is going to give you any respect unless you respect yourself first. If you just give in to what other people say and do to you, then you're basically saying "Yes, I agree with you- I am a loser." You should listen to what other people are saying or doing to you, and then say to yourself- "Wait a minute, no-one has the right to say that about me/treat me like that!"
Then do something about it.

But the $64,000 question is how? I went through my entire public school career trying to solve that question.

And I never suceeded at solving that question. And as a result I suffered big time.

Well there is no answer- its a question that a lot of people (myself included) have to keep asking themselves, and appropriate action to take really does depend on the situation at hand.
My point however is not so much about a be it and end all solution to bullying, but more the sort of mindset that one should aim towards in order to lessen its effects and perhaps point in the right direction.

There's never going to be a straight solution, its always going to be on a case by case basis- however things can improve, its just more of a case of changing your view on it: how you see yourself and how you see others.

Sorry, I know this sounds like nonsense babble but it makes sense in my head. Sorta.

All I'm saying is that you can't change the bullies (and even if you do, there will always be more), but you CAN change yourself and how you react to them.
If all else fails, then just walk around singing "Can't touch this!" in your head- that should put you in the appropriate frame of mind!

I have thought about this thread long and hard at work last night. I was determined to come up with some kind of answer. Often answers are best found in the least likely places. And as I pondered last night, it struck me that about a month ago, an incident that happened at work had given me a subtle, yet obvious clue as to what a good all-around answer would be to the problem of bulling. Refer to this thread that I posted about a month ago

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... opic&t=362

If I had tried to take on my boss alone, I would have been crushed by him. But with the aid of others, I was able to ward him off. It's now been almost a month and I haven't had any more problems with him bulling me at work

Which leads me to my simple answer:
Strength in numbers... One bully might pick on you, but one will be less likely to pick on three or four of you. When ever your in a situation where you think a bully could come after you, try to be around a few other people who stand up for you when push comes to shove.

I'm sure not all of you will agree with this, but this is the best I can do.