Hard work faking a shallow persona?

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After I get done with certain friends, it feels like I'm unsatisfied. I never feel totally comfortable, because I can't just be myself. I appreciate the company, and it's healthy to be with people, but it's so fake and put on.

My first question would be: do you feel or have ever felt comfortable hanging out with other people? If the answer is yes, then you shold take some distance from thses "friends". If the answer is no, then you probably have not developed any close friendship. We usually cannot just be "ourselves" around other people, unless we have developed a strong/trusting relationship, and that takes time. I have several friends (4 to be exact), but I only feel completely comfortable with one of them. The other three still need work.

I can't keep friends in real life unless I pretend to be someone else.

I have to take issue with the initial proposition that all friendship involves faking to impress shallow people.

First, it presupposes that aspies are deep. I'll save you the trouble: they aren't any deeper than anyone else. Read the endless "I can't get a girlfriend" threads. Few of those are the products of deep insight.

Second, it presupposes that NTs aren't deep. That requires ignoring huge swathes of human achievement.

Frankly, I think you're not defining the depth of human experience with any degree of real world experience when you presuppose that you must fake a persona to impress shallow people. That or you are surrounded by the largest pool of malignant narcissists on the planet. In which case, you should stop working in the financial industry.

Aspies tend to not give humanity a fair shake. Start taking an interest in other people. Start taking an interest in what turns them on, even if you don't understand it. The human race -- even the NTs -- is waiting to surprise you. But, you have to stop trying to impress them and start just listening to what does excite them.

A good way to think of it is the old rule that travelers are taught about going to France.

The rule with the French is that you must attempt to speak some French if you wish to have a friendly interaction. They demand a "bonsoir". They respect a "Quelles bieres avez-vouz?" They understand when you breakdown completely and just blurt out what will become your most rehearsed French phrase: "Pardon. Je parle un petit peut de francais. Parlez-vouz anglais?"

If you jump right to "Parlez-vouz anglais?" without even attempting the rest of the effort, the French will f*****g hate you. Or worse, if you don't even do that and instead just say "Do you speak English?", at which point you might as well just scream "Speak English, y'all motherf***ers, cause I needs me some MCDonald's up in this b***h!"

Most human beings respect the effort to relate. But, it also requires the desire to relate. It requires an interest in trying to fit in and a willingness to fail, repeatedly and brutally, at new things.

You have to go into their world on their terms. And it;s not about faking it. It's about taking an interest in them and making an effort to see their humanity as they express it through their desires, their wants and their interests.

Is it really healthy to be around people who you constantly have to put on a fake persona around?
And aren't friends those people who you can act like yourself around?

I have categories of people for several gaps to fill in my life:
1) people for physical company when I don't want to go someplace alone, or to prove that I do have people that want to spend time with me
2) people I can connect with on emotional and intellectual and all other levels and that understand me and still accept of even appreciate me for who I am.
Sometimes you can have BOTH in 1 person. But it doesn't happen very often.

I only have 1 person that I know in real life and that I can tell 'some' things to about my internal life. The other 2 real people don't know a lot about what is really going on inside. My mum doesn't know what I think about most of the time. She doesn't know about aspergers, my depression, my thoughts..

The thing is found out through the years is that you have to try and tell them what things matter to you, and what is going on in your head. If you do it little by little, you can observe their reaction to it. Do they completely ignore it or have a negative reaction ? Then they are not really happy with who you really are; I suggest you look for other people. Some do appreciate hearing you have deeper thoughts or that you are not always happy with life, and will open up to you too.

People act different for a variety of different situations. There's nothing "fake" about that.

You wouldn't go to a church and make sport of swearing just because you feel it's more important to be "authentic". Whatever "authentic" that even is.

I'm a land mammal. So the next time I'm in ten feet of water I should refuse to tread water or swim, because it just wouldn't be authentic, right? No. Different situations come with different requirements.