Need help communicating

Post Reply New Topic

I really need some help in trying to deal with a situation that may seem trivial to some. Please don't be judgemental and do try to understand that this is very difficult for me. I really need help here.

I have a long time friend who is seriously getting on my nerves. FYI we are both males. Everytime I run into this guy he will ask me a question, such as 'How are you?'. The other day without thinking I just said 'I'm fine' in my normal, deadpan way.

Well, this guy reacts as though I had just made the most hilariously sarcastic remark he had ever heard. He starts laughing and talking about how funny it is that I'm pretending like I'm fine when obviously in my response I'm saying nothing's fine and I'm making a huge joke out of it. All this from my two words! And I'm just flabbergasted, unable to respond in any way. I just sit there.

Now, the specifics of the scenario may change, but EVERY time I talk to this guy sooner or later there is some question that I give the 'wrong' answer to and get this sort of reaction from him. He has apparently decided that I'm a master of clever sarcasm and delight in entertaining him with it. But other times it's just that he will just put the most negative possible interpretation on whatever I say. The fact that he will put such a negative spin on what I say really offends me and I will go around fuming over it for days.

I have no clue how to respond to tell this guy he's completely misreading my meaning. I don't think there's any malicious intent on his part but this happens so frequently that it's got to be dealt with. My one and only way of dealing with situations like this in the past has been to let my anger out and create a huge ugly incident, but I would really like to find a better way. I'd like to keep the few friends I have, if possible.

I feel like I'm being violated here, yet I'm sure this whole situation is just normal NT banter. My thought is that I need to rehearse some stupid little speech to try to get my concerns across to this guy. How embarrassing!

I'd really appreciate any suggestions on how I can communicate my concerns in a way that isn't likely to be misunderstood.

Thanks.

Yeah all he is doing is playfully messing with you. You mentioned having a deadpan voice, so he's taking it as dry humor. Think of a bunch of europeans saying "Joy is but the shadow pain casts" (my apologies to europians). Either you need to express that your telling the truth vocally or though body language and tone.

Don't know how to do that, but what I do do is try to 'brighten' my response by presenting it in sort of an uptempo fashion.

But what I'm wondering is, is there a way to fix this situation when my reply has been misinterpreted?