Stupid gossiping people! Facebook drama. Help!

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I'm mad. I'm acting like I'm not mad but I'm mad. My husband is upset so I have to act like it's no big deal to calm him down. And it's all so freakin' infantile.

Anyway, so an acquaintance... This wasn't a friend. This was more someone who used to work for my husband who continues to look up to him and adore him. I posted an article on my Facebook about someone getting fired for something that was obviously a known violation of their ability to work. There's some question for whether or not the person who was fired really understood what he was doing. This acquaintance responds to the story with sympathetic views toward people who subscribe to the subject's ideology... which you'll have to take my word for it that it was a very controversial thing to say, especially since she went on to use a racial slur toward an unrelated group of people. So, to avoid a big fight from me addressing her comment or from a bunch of people on my Facebook jumping all over her, I unfriended her from my Facebook and deleted her comment. Problem solved, right?

Then she runs to a mutual friend (who I'd actually unfriended earlier because all he does is play games and post status messages in all caps about preserving the Pledge of Allegiance) and posts on his wall about how much of a close-minded jerk I am. People who don't even know me console her, of course, because I must be a truly horrible person, obviously. I find out about it because my husband, her (and this friend's) former boss, sees her post about HIS WIFE. He's upset. I don't need him upset because he's still recovering from surgery and I just want him to relax and rest and heal. He tells me he's disappointed in her choices and unfriends her.

It's freakin' Facebook. It's so not a big deal. Her comment wasn't the first one I've ever deleted. My oldest son is on Facebook and can see my wall so sometimes I have to censor friends who get a little R-rated in their jokes. So, this time, I created space between her crazy ideas and my Facebook wall. So what! Get over it.

I feel bad that by posting here I'm basically doing the same thing to her that she did to me (except I'm smart enough to put it somewhere that her husband won't see it). It's just such infantile crap to deal with and I don't know it's upsetting to me but it is and I'm mad. I messaged her to tell her that my husband was upset. I used his words "disappointed in her choices" just to stab in some guilt and asked that she not bring negativity on my family during this busy and difficult time. From her response, the guilt trip worked but she hasn't deleted her gossip.

I have got to learn to let this crap go!! ! Letting it get under my skin is just BS.

[quote="wefunction"
It's freakin' Facebook. It's so not a big deal. [/quote]

couldn't have said it better myself... honestly it sounds like your ex friend needs to realize you girls aren't in high school anymore

That was really immature of her (whining to your husband), IMO. It sounds like you've already handled it, but if you tell her your husband has just had surgery and doesn't need to be stressed, hopefully she's mature enough to leave him alone.

Well, sod her. Your husband's deleted her too, so she's no route back. Let her stew and leech sympathy behind your backs- so long as it can't affect you (she's an ex-colleague, right?)

You can post a status change if you want "guys, just to clear the water- I'll be deleting anyone who leaves racist comments from now on", but it's really not that big a deal

But I know the feeling- I get really worked up over small things too- I find distracting myself works well (going for a walk etc) and reminding myself that I'll soon be 'meh' about it too.

FYI: if you click the little x next to someone's post, you can "hide" them from your feed...it's like unfriending them except they never know. You can also create lists to segregate your own content from various friends.

Facebook= High school revisited. Whos got the most friends, whos got the best gossip, who has the best picture(s) and on and on. All I ever hear from my wife is "did you see what so and so posted on so and sos wall?". It can be useful and I use it to keep up with distant family and 2 or 3 close friends but in my experience it can quickly turn into grade 10 all over.

Thanks for the support and perspective. Stupid Facebook.

Things I have done:

1) I have my wall as friends commenting only, not friends of friends, and if I have a friend who will possibly cause trouble I would block them from commenting on the wall or delete any problem comments and take it up with them via private message.

2) I am careful only to friend people I feel I can trust, and if I friend someone who is a bit more of a distant acquaintance, I up the privacy settings on them.

3) I have explored all the privacy settings in great detail and customised them as to how I would want. Here is an interesting article...

http://www.allfacebook.com/facebook-privacy-2009-02

http://www.allfacebook.com/facebook-privacy-new-2009-12

Probably I might be shooting myself in the foot as less people can view or comment on my page, but that is how I like it.

Not if those are the people you trust and want to connect with. Thank you for the links. I'm definitely going to follow your lead. It seems like the best thing to do.

^ Yeah, I have only been on Facebook for a few days and there has already been tagged drunken photos of me from the past appearing on my page, lol, I realised the more I learn about privacy the better, as not all contacts are understanding about drunken photos.