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lonelyperson
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27 Feb 2011, 4:47 pm

Hello friends!

I'm new to the forum and wanted to share one of my problems I've been going through for a long time and I just don't know what I should do. I also apologize because my English is not better.

Okay friends let me start. I don't have friends and I have no Idea how to work on it.
I've been living with a perfect family, I never had to go through any financial problems. My family loves me. I am proud to have such a great people in my family such as my uncles, my siblings and my parents and cousins.

I used to go the school back home and due to not good in studies I used to get bad grades and used to fail a class.
I've started failing from grade 3, I never had friends, then I started getting bad grades from grade 4 to grade 7 and at the same time I never had a good friend but one friend I used to talk to but I always lost my friends.

then when later on when I was 12, me and my family find out that I had a whole in my heart so I went to America and I had an operation and came back to join my school and started feeling a bit lonely, I was not allowed to play anything at Gym and was told I should go easy on myself for 8months or less.

So every time I used to have Gym, I used to sit in the corner watch people playing basketball and stuff. so I started loosing connection with social life and I started loosing interest in such kind of games such as Cricket, BasketBall or soccer.

When everyone same age as mine used to hang out outside, I used to sit home and watch t.v. Then I came to Canada and then every time I used to make friends, even though I tried to fit in I always used to loose them. I never had a fight with a friend but I just started loosing them.

There was a Day where I used to hang out with them all the time and enjoy and there was also the time where when I always see them around I feel awkward.

Then there was something really awesome happened in my life, A Girl came into my life and I gave all of my time to her, she was the best thing that ever happened to me, It was my first time some girl really liked me and I was on seven cloud, I started avoiding my friends because they used to do stuff I never liked, such as "going to clubbing", "smoking" or "spending heck of money" and "trash talking about girlfriend".

I wanted to be honest towards the girl I loved and wanted to make her the happiest girl on earth. The girl was everytime to me, a friend and an Idiol. We are still together. but her family is being really mean to her and we haven't met for almost one year but we do talk but she always have to leave because her family doesn't allow us together.

NOW I am in College, I don't have friends. I just don't know how to talk to people. I am really weak in studies and I have no Idea how to do it.
I used to have 2 or 3 friends at College but they used to tell me to skip every time I used to hang out. It always happened when I had a class and they don't, it was never the other way around.

I am a nobody, I feel like a looser.
I work now and I tried to socialize by fitting again once again but I sometimes don't work properly or taking some time so I got scold by people over there and they make fun of me all the time.

My uncle is now in Canada and living with us but he noticed and said, "you don't have friends" as a joke which is true.
I don't get a call from a friend unless they want to loan money from me".

I started making stories about me going out with friends and I go somewhere and sit there for hours so I can go back home and talk about how much fun I had with friends..

how long do I have to do this, what am I doing wrong.
how come everyone have so many friends and I don't have a single friend.



eddie82
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27 Feb 2011, 6:34 pm

You aren't doing anything wrong. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself to be a social butterfly. I was the same way and it nearly drove me crazy before I knew about AS. Nowadays, I just embrace my special interests and I let the social aspect of my life unfold on its own. I think you may benefit from an Aspie meet-up group. But again, the harder you try and the more pressure you place on yourself and blame yourself, the harder it will become. Most of us here are just plain different, in a good way and are misunderstood by the so called "normal" people. Its easier said than done but stay positive.


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lonelyperson
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27 Feb 2011, 8:07 pm

eddie82 wrote:
You aren't doing anything wrong. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself to be a social butterfly. I was the same way and it nearly drove me crazy before I knew about AS. Nowadays, I just embrace my special interests and I let the social aspect of my life unfold on its own. I think you may benefit from an Aspie meet-up group. But again, the harder you try and the more pressure you place on yourself and blame yourself, the harder it will become. Most of us here are just plain different, in a good way and are misunderstood by the so called "normal" people. Its easier said than done but stay positive.


Hey!
thanks for the reply.
but I really don't want to feel negative about me but I sometimes blame my heart problem that I had and I also believe I have learning disorder but I don't know how I talk about it with people about this.



eddie82
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27 Feb 2011, 10:47 pm

Believe it or not I have 3 different heart murmurs including mitral valve prolapse. I had to have surgery to help take some pressure off of my heart. My MD said that the heart issue only complicated my anxiety, so I know where you are coming from.


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Idiotchief
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28 Feb 2011, 10:36 pm

Listen to eddie mate. Acceptance is the way to a happy life. So accept yourself. And most people don't have a lot of friends. They have a lot of people they say hi to in the halls so they can seem like they have friends. It's self delusion.

As for the girl... Elope. My parents hate my gf's too. Sadily i'm not looking for a stepford wife. Your not being with her parents just her.


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