Unwritten Social Rules -- Written

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Ok, since Magneto's Social Rules Redefined thread wasn't the place for it, I'm starting a new thread for everyone to write the unwritten social rules that we learned the hard way!

Everyone, try to come up with more of 'em!

trying to add all the ones people have to the main list... is gettin' late, will do more tomorrow.

1. Do you want to _______?" is a command to do that thing.

2. When a salesperson says "How are you?" - they mean "Do you want to buy something, or are you likely to pinch our stuff?"

1. If someone looks at your food and says "Yum, that looks so good!" they're not making a comment, they want you to give them food.

2. When people make comments like "Nice weather today" they expect a response.

3. If sombody says something like "I had the craziest dream last night" you're supposed to ask them about it.

4. Just because someone asks for your honest opinion and insists that you please be totally honest doesn't mean they won't be pissed off if you say something negative.

5. Don't look at your watch when you're in the middle of a conversation because people will think you're bored, even if you really just like knowing what time it is.

6. When somebody asks you a yes/no question during a conversation, the conversation will usually go better if you elaborate a little instead of just answering yes or no.

7. Don't fold your arms when you're talking to someone because it indicates hostility, even if you're not feeling hostile at all and are just more comfortable that way.

1. When someone threatens to take an overdose, do not give them the pills and say "Either do it, or stop whining about it".

2. If someone has tears running down their face, do not enquire as to what they are feeling. Always assume they are unhappy, because they will be offended that you need to ask.

3. Unless an individual is talking about something superficial, they are lying.

4. Do not laugh at other people's misfortunes even if you find it funny.

5. What is acceptable to laugh at during a cartoon is not necessarily acceptable to laugh at in real life.

6. Do not laugh at funerals.

7. Do not play tag/games at funerals.

8. When someone says "I think i have bruised my arm", they are not asking you to induce pain from said area to make sure it is a bruise. They are stating that they have hurt themselves.

9. When someone asks you how they look, do not reply "pale, fat, lethargic, tired.... etc.

10. Do not state how others are feeling, they will take offense even if your statement is correct.

The original comments that sparked this thread:

Sometimes "May I help You?" means "Who are you and what the hell are you doing here?"

In is indeed funny to watch the confusion on the salespersons face when you truthfully answer that you are actually not feeling that well and are in a lousy mood....

I think that the "Hawaya" stuff is just an empty friendliness gesture that holds no meaning even for NT people.

At parties when people ask how you are, the answer seems to require to be 'good' or else you get odd expressions.

Not sure why people state 'good morning' every morning in the office. Sometimes I do mumble that I decide that for myself.

Did notice though that if you tell the direct manager what you are planning to do this day that this manager is pleased with you despite you doing something totally different. Feels like a trick but it seems to work really well. No more difficult dealings with that manager after I started doing that.

Unwritten social rules i have learnt in my 24 years of life, hmmmmm...

1. When someone threatens to take an overdose, do not give them the pills and say "Either do it, or stop whining about it".

2. If someone has tears running down their face, do not enquire as to what they are feeling. Always assume they are unhappy, because they will be offended that you need to ask.

3. Unless an individual is talking about something superficial, they are lying.

4. Do not laugh at other people's misfortunes even if you find it funny.

5. What is acceptable to laugh at during a cartoon is not necessarily acceptable to laugh at in real life.

6. Do not laugh at funerals.

7. Do not play tag/games at funerals.

8. When someone says "I think i have bruised my arm", they are not asking you to induce pain from said area to make sure it is a bruise. They are stating that they have hurt themselves.

9. When someone asks you how they look, do not reply "pale, fat, lethargic, tired.... etc.

10. Do not state how others are feeling, they will take offense even if your statement is correct.

Ok, I think I"m going to split the original into sections for "major" and "minor" social rules... a top one for more generalized, and one after that for a list of specific situations that may or may not translate into others, could be slightly humorous, or may not be controllable.

Actually, after I posted that I realized I should have been more specific but by then my little boy was on the computer. I meant if you are on someones property and they are not sure whether you are up to no good.

when someone asks "do you want to go for a drink?" the "going for a drink" part itself is not important rather than hanging out and catching up with that person. Hope that makes sense.

1. If someone looks at your food and says "Yum, that looks so good!" they're not making a comment, they want you to give them food.

2. When people make comments like "Nice weather today" they expect a response.

3. If sombody says something like "I had the craziest dream last night" you're supposed to ask them about it.

4. Just because someone asks for your honest opinion and insists that you please be totally honest doesn't mean they won't be pissed off if you say something negative.

5. Don't look at your watch when you're in the middle of a conversation because people will think you're bored, even if you really just like knowing what time it is.

6. When somebody asks you a yes/no question during a conversation, the conversation will usually go better if you elaborate a little instead of just answering yes or no.

7. Don't fold your arms when you're talking to someone because it indicates hostility, even if you're not feeling hostile at all and are just more comfortable that way.


Maggiedoll, I had the same problem with "Do you want to ____?" My parents are pretty much incapable of giving direct commands, they always phrase things like that. It took me a long time to figure out that they were not asking a legitimate question, they were telling me to do something.

Oh, I didn't know what Magneto was asking. I took it to mean 'what have you learned the hard way, so we may compare notes and compile a makeshift list of guidelines.'

I find NT people will say things while really meaning others, and they assume you are aware of that.

Sephiroth, I meant this thread for just listing the stuff we've found out the hard way. There's plenty of discussing the weirdnesses of what's meant vs. what's said, but I made this thread for just like a reference of what others have learned about what NTs expect when they say or do something. Whether or not you follow it, think it's stupid, or follow it even though it's stupid.. is good to know have a nice list that says what we've learned they mean.

27.6 When chatting in groups, think of a story ahead of time, that takes maybe 15- 20 seconds to relay, that is roughly on topic. When the person to your left stops talking, move your hand, palm upward and take a audible breath (this tells the group that you are about to talk), and tell your story for 20 seconds. Do not expect questions or interactions about story (unless it is scandalous). Then someone else will talk. Think of your next story and repeat ad-nauseam. NT's seem to like spending time like this.

My stepmom is an NT, but yet when at their house, when at the dinner table, she'd eat off everyone else's plate but her own..:/

If someone's choice of clothes/makeup/whatever their wearing looks terrible, don't tell them. It isn't constructive criticism unless they specifically ask you for your opinion.