Is there a polite way of telling someone to back off?

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I don't do tact and say what I'm really thinking, which isn't always good.

Basically, one of my friends won't leave me alone. He was moaning a few weeks ago because he hasn't seen me for 2 weeks. I'm lucky if I get to see many of my friends (they live up north) more than once or twice a year.

He also keeps sending messages on FB which either make no sense or are about the same thing again and again about how much he misses me.

Last week, he asked me if I wanted to meet up and I originally said yes. I then told him no because Saturday morning is normally long run day for me and I don't want to get home, jump in the shower, grab something to eat and then rush to meet him. (I ran and got home 30 minutes before we'd planned to meet) There's also the issue of noise.

I don't think he was too happy that I won't be going out tonight. It's not that nice out there weather-wise and I don't want to spend my evening sitting in a noisy pub wondering where the nearest exit is.

He doesn't understand what my problem with noise is. He wasn't happy that we'd both gone to an Autism group meeting and I left early. I left early because it was too noisy and I didn't want sensory overload again.

Is there a polite way of asking him to stop contacting me all the time without offending him? That's my worry. I've done it before with someone else - he wouldn't leave me alone the next time I saw him and then blamed me for his depression.

Just tell him you don't wish to be bothered, the simplest way is just to say "leave me alone". However some people can be persistent and you may have to be firm with him if being polite doesn't work.

Sounds like the boy likes you. That sounds like some pretty bizarre behavior if he only likes you in a platonic sense.

how can you reject him without him feeling rejected?
you can't -he'll feel rejected -because he'll be rejected
no, there is no way to tell him that wont have psycho-emotional impact.

If you want to save his emotions, then go out with him.
if you're not interested in a relationship, then make the outing rather awful for him.

you don't want to go out with him because the outings are rather awful for you (plus other reasons I'm sure, but work with me on this)
do you see what I'm saying?
dress ugly
fart a lot
leave food on your face
wear your stinkiest socks with open shoes, and take your shoes off. a lot.
make him hold your shoes, and socks. during dinner. in his lap.
gently clink your spoon in your coffee endlessly and make sure he notices.
spill it on the front of you and don't care
do things he hates - but do them with him
don't abandon or distance, just be ikky or something.

that's the best I can do.

I usually deal with this kind of thing by doing things like taking a reeeeeeeeeeally long time to reply to messages, replying to messages with really short answers and often saying I'm busy when I'm not. It means I never have to directly reject someone, but eventually the other person gets bored and will just leave you alone. If you don't say a lot and don't want to do much with the guy then he won't be interested in hanging out with you or talking to you. Keep it on your terms. If you don't want to see someone, you don't have to. No-one can make you do anything.

Maybe you could arrange a good time to meet him in your house alone where it is quiet while working on assertive training.

Tell him:
1. I am sorry if I sent you the wrong message at the Asperger support group but I certain levels of noise really bother me. (Give an analogy)
2. Let him know that you are still friends and that you still love him and that there are times where you need your own space
3. Apologize for letting him down after backing out and re-schedule your hang out times. Don't just back out and ignore him or lead him along.

As for him writing you those angry messages, understand that he maybe reading your cues the wrong way and so it might be best to be direct and honest.

Every time he texts you tell him you are busy and that you'll get back to him. Then don't answer texts after you tell him you're busy.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

In my opinion, trying to avoid the person or trying to make your outings more negative by making him uncomfortable will probably not work. Hes probably a pretty intelligent guy and he'll pick up on those signals and making him doubt himself and feel bad without giving him a direct explanation will only make your relationship worse. Instead if possible, try lying about a sudden lifestyle change. Maybe you "found a new job which makes you terribly busy or became addicted to watching tv shows ". Post your new situation on Facebook so that he can see it or try telling him about it "casually" the next time you meet and before he invites you to his annoying outings. The poor fellow will be tricked by this and his mind will rationalize and direct all his anger and frustration towards this external scenario. Sudden new job opportunities and hobbies happen all the time and I find this the easiest way.

In addition to the prior ideas, in such situations I have found it helpful to remember one of the basics from Psych 101:

"Unrewarded behavior eventually extinguishes itself."

Send him some OreOs and tell him the real unvarnished truth in the note.
at least his tummy will be happy. =)

Bet you can't guess I got this idea from Summer_Twilight