Trying Too Hard To Get Approvel

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I was reading an article about not always trying to get approval and that someone can drive some people away. It did acknowledge that there is a difference not seeking approval and actively not seeking it, but the article did not say any detail that is the problem. I need to find out a balance here and to know what is meant and not meant by approval. The more examples I have the better.

I have many undesirable belief many of this is to do with logic and science, I do know that NTs and some Aspies do not want to know about the truth of the universe because it is often politically incorrect and unromantic.

Also I love heavy metal, HorrorCore Rap music to mention a few things, by trying to denounce these thing in order to find someone, am I trying to get other people approval.

Is trying to get other people approve like saying and acting on the belief “Look at me, I am willing to change for you, do I have your approval” or is there more to it then that. Because no woman would know that I like Heavy Metal or HorrorCore Rap they would not associate it with needing approval. Or is there more to it then that?

I want to set up core values beliefs and interest that is more acceptable for NTs and woman. So while they would not be my truth values, I would not appear to be wanting approval from them by trying to be more acceptable.

What you talk about is not necessarily gaining approval, it is more about "Expanding your horizons", with aspergers our interests can become so narrow and exclusive that we become boring because our interests are rathe fixed and unchanging, many of us are satisfied with our small amount of interests and don't derive any kind of enjoyment from anything else, some aspies tend to look down on anything that doesn't interest them and become very rigid, it's ok to bs or pretend you're interested in other things even if you aren't really that enthused. IMHO, though attitude and perspective adjustment is necessary. Expanding your horizons is not seeking approval, its developing yourself into a better human being.

When I read 'seeking approval', my thought was that you feel you need to run things by someone else in order to validate them. Obviously that's not your problem at all - and I think the above poster is right.

Aspie interests can be obsessive. Sometimes you can find people who share those interests - more often you can also drive them away by sticking to safe topics and not being aware of how to reach out to new ones.

While expanding your interests is always good, you should not try to be someone completely different in the meantime. You have the things which you love and anyone you connected with has to respect that as well...otherwise the friendship is built on false foundations.

Apple

Approval seeking. Its a difficult one. Obviously all of us want approval.......we all feel nervous when we feel that folks disapprove........

But its one that is easy to get moving into the realms of annoying people.

Some scenarios.

1) You change/adapt your interests/opinions to fit in with those around you in the hope they will approve and be impressed at the fact you're willing to change for them...
In reality this makes people think you are weak minded and too impressionable if you are that easily swayed by the opinions of others. It also makes people think you're trying to copy them which freaks people out.

2) The Tommy Top it All. Someone tells a story about something that happened to them or they did. You come back with "Oh thats nothing compared to when I........." You think you're just sharing entertaining stories, and also that these bigger and better stories will impress your peers and gain approval. In fact all this does is make people feel that you don't care what they have to say and are simply dismissing everything they have to say and it makes you appear as if you're trying to take over every conversation...............

The best way to gain approval & respect amongst peers and friends is to stick true to your guns. "This is me. This is what I enjoy, these are my opinions. I am open to new experiences and new interests, and expanding my opinions and horizons but I am who I am. Accept me as I am or not at all. ......."
A reliably secure person with their own mind is far more attractive to people than one who displays severe insecurity by caring too much what others think and changing to fit their surroundings...........