How to get a healthy balance of social interaction

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I would like to find out whether others share my difficulty. I know that it is good for me to have some social interaction outside a work context, but I have always struggled to get the right amount of social interaction. I can often not talk to anyone for an entire weekend or longer. I notice that when I'm on my own for too long, my sleep gets worse. I think this is because talking with people you know and trust can help release any emotional tension that has built up from the more challenging social encounters with strangers, and other challenging situations. I find that if I stay on my own, I'm not able to release this emotional tension so well, and this has to happen in my sleep, causing me to wake up frequently and have 'anxiety dreams'.

I would like to know if anyone else has similar experiences, and if they do, how they try to get the balance right between the need to be alone and then need for friendly social interaction. Obviously the discussion forums at Wrong Planet are one excellent way to communicate. I suppose I'm more interested in face-to-face social interaction. One problem I have is that I'm often afraid to call a friend, because I think that that person is too busy to want to talk to me, or meet up with me. For example, one NT friend that I occasionally arrange to go swimming with and then have a drink afterwards has recently become a father, and he does not seem to be able to spare the time for this activity, which for me was so enjoyable and good for me.

i think im used to not having friends, i mean ever since ive been out of highschool i haven't really gone to anyones house or do whatever it is friends do. and if i ever get a job i can't really see myself making "friends" at work since i have a one track mind, and i won't want to socialize but work. im screwed either way so it doesn't really matter now

When you say you've got a one track mind, what do you mean exactly? Is this a special interest you have? I think it's sad that you think it doesn't really matter. Would you like to have friends?

i would like to have better friends.

my problem isnt so much making friends. its KEEPING them, and taking a friendship to the next level.


i have a crippling fear of rejection.

This must be frustrating for you. I hope you don't mind me asking what happens to the friends you make. What do you think makes it difficult for you to keep and develop friendships, and what do you think is the cause of your fear of rejection? I too have similar problems. I suspect that I don't put enough effort in showing interest for the other person and the friendship, and eventually the person stops contacting me. I enjoy the company of many people at the time we're together, but I seem to forget these plesasant feelings when the person has gone away, and this means that it's my special interests that are the focus of my attention when I'm on my own, and not these people. I wish that I could feel more for my friends. Do your difficulties have anything in common with mine?

I should add that I am getting better at keeping friends, and I think more confidence from knowing myself better has helped. I've arranged a small dinner party for tonight. I'm a bit apprehensive, but I'm also looking forward to having company for a change on a Saturday night. Do you have friends that you could invite around for a drink or a meal? I think friends really appreciate these kinds of things.

Last edited by Steve45 on 09 Sep 2006, 10:38 am, edited 2 times in total.

well yes, i think i just wouldn't make a great friend in real life because i don't really show affection, someone might mistake me for being rude, so i just don't bother with it. would i like friends? meh, maybe. the only way that is going to happen is if i meet someone else with As, because more than likely we will both know were each of us is comming from.

I think your idea of trying to meet people with AS and perhaps with similar interests seems a good one to me. I've come to an identical conclusion. I'm not sure that all friendships require you to show affection, just an interest in, and consideration for the other person. Perhaps like me, you're wondering how the hell you go about meeting someone with a similar level of severity of AS.

I have the same problem, and I have found religious institutions to be a good solution. I can sit among people during the service but not talk to any of them. Usually there is a brief breakfast of coffee hour afterwards, where I can cough up a little bit of conversation. Typically I come away from it with a good feeling of having had some social contact but not too much.

I'm still exploring my spiritual side, and not a regular church-goer. Although I do not regularly attend church, I do sing in a local choir. Like you, I find I can cope with the level of social interaction in the 15 minute coffee break, because the rest of the time involves singing under the control of the choirmaster. I wonder if it's the fact that these activities have some structure that helps us control the level of social interaction. It seems to be easier to communicate to people when you're all engaged in the same activity.

It's good to get involved in clubs - it helps you share an interest.

Although if it wasn't for my Mother always organising outings with friends for me, I would have never got "so far" with my friendships (taking into consideration my AS).