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Lack of friends is affecting my upcoming wedding

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CupcakeBelle
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06 Apr 2011, 9:11 am

I'm what ya'll like to call a NT.

I'm shy to the point it is physically painfull to go up and talk to people. There is also a large part of the day where I don't want to talk or deal with anyone, I call it my leave me the hell alone time where I'd rather be reading or daydreaming then deal with the world.

It's different at my job because I'm the boss and what I say goes. Personal life is difficult. The few friends I had in highschool have "grown up" dispite that fact that none of them can keep a job or a home or (for the female ones) display any form of domestic skills. I guess "grown up" means drinking, sleeping around and getting busted for pot while crashing on someone's couch.

The guy I'm marrying is older then me by about 6 years. He has no problem with my shyness, he complains about the anti-social ways because he'd like to spend more time with me and I go hide on the computer or in books. He is not like me, he's got tons and tons of friends. Super social and loves people.

Our wedding is 18 months away and the few friends I have don't wish to be apart of it because of the time, effort, and sobriety they would have to put forth. (that hurts. :( ) Never mind the fact that I'm the first person to help them move, or give them a couch to stay on or cook them a meal.

So now I'm faced with the horrible choices of A.) Standing up there alone at my wedding while he has a bestman and five groomsmen. or B.) Force myself to make new friends. Future hubby has already told me that even if I don't have any friends he's not giving up his attendents just so I don't look bad. ( :( )

Option B seems shallow though, making friends now so they can attend my wedding later seems horrible but my family (all of them type A personalities...grr) are hounding me all the time about it. Make friends, meet people, go to the young adults group at church blah blah blah..

What should I do?



purchase
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06 Apr 2011, 9:17 am

Hi CupcakeBelle! This will sound really weird but I love weddings so feel free to invite me! :D I'm guessing you're in the South, I could get there no problem. By the way I'm not sure what the business you're in but if it's cupcakes... I have been thinking about making cupcakes as a business! I probably wouldn't be that great at the baking part but I love decorating.

Anyway you can PM (personal message) me if you want and if you didn't think this was too weird of me. It was pretty weird. Also the offer would not just go for the wedding but for being a friend/person you can count on in general but I think we probably don't live in the same area... but still!



CupcakeBelle
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06 Apr 2011, 9:20 am

purchase wrote:
Hi CupcakeBelle! This will sound really weird but I love weddings so feel free to invite me! :D I'm guessing you're in the South, I could get there no problem. By the way I'm not sure what the business you're in but if it's cupcakes... I have been thinking about making cupcakes as a business! I probably wouldn't be that great at the baking part but I love decorating.

Anyway you can PM (personal message) me if you want and if you didn't think this was too weird of me. It was pretty weird. Also the offer would not just go for the wedding but for being a friend/person you can count on in general but I think we probably don't live in the same area... but still!


I love making cupcakes! I have tons of cupcake pans and all kinds of decorative wrappers and sugars and everything but sadly I'm a testing proctor. :(



emlion
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06 Apr 2011, 9:32 am

Wow. Your friends actually said they wouldn't come to your wedding?



CupcakeBelle
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06 Apr 2011, 9:35 am

emlion wrote:
Wow. Your friends actually said they wouldn't come to your wedding?


Yep...soon as I explained to the girls what a bridesmaid is they flipped over the idea that they would have to buy a dress and help fold invitations and all that jazz. Hell the list I gave them was very very short since I didn't want to burden them, especially the maid of honor, with the traditional list of things.

My mom told me for years that they pretty much just used me and would vanish as soon as they were required to return the favor. Guess she was right.



purchase
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06 Apr 2011, 9:35 am

Testing proctor doesn't sound too bad at all! I mean it sounds a little boring and tedious for you, but hopefully you can do something interesting while the students are taking their tests (I've seen proctors reading novels)?

You could probably make a business out of your love for making cupcakes! The only thing that's stopping me is a) I would need to borrow use of an industrial kitchen, like in a school/church, and I don't even want to think about that and b) I'm not an expert at decorating tool use. I just love creating stuff/decorating stuff and specifically like making cupcakes.

Okay here's another idea, feel free to ignore it if you want, I know it's weird that I'm coming up with these proposals and we don't even know each other. It's how I operate. I am weird. Anyway: we could start a cupcake business! Obviously this would require some logistical planning, but it's an idea that I've had in some shape or form for about a year now and that I keep coming back to.

By the way: I'm shy too. I have about 2 friends I see in real life at the moment by pure luck (them getting back in touch with me). I had none a few months ago.



emlion
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06 Apr 2011, 9:36 am

CupcakeBelle wrote:
emlion wrote:
Wow. Your friends actually said they wouldn't come to your wedding?


Yep...soon as I explained to the girls what a bridesmaid is they flipped over the idea that they would have to buy a dress and help fold invitations and all that jazz. Hell the list I gave them was very very short since I didn't want to burden them, especially the maid of honor, with the traditional list of things.

My mom told me for years that they pretty much just used me and would vanish as soon as they were required to return the favor. Guess she was right.


Looks like she was. :(
That's sad there's people who are willing to use you like that.
Sounds like it's good that you found out, and you're better off without them.

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with not having anyone at my wedding - as long as I had a husband who I loved.



CupcakeBelle
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06 Apr 2011, 9:37 am

purchase wrote:
Testing proctor doesn't sound too bad at all! I mean it sounds a little boring and tedious for you, but hopefully you can do something interesting while the students are taking their tests (I've seen proctors reading novels)?

You could probably make a business out of your love for making cupcakes! The only thing that's stopping me is a) I would need to borrow use of an industrial kitchen, like in a school/church, and I don't even want to think about that and b) I'm not an expert at decorating tool use. I just love creating stuff/decorating stuff and specifically like making cupcakes.

Okay here's another idea, feel free to ignore it if you want, I know it's weird that I'm coming up with these proposals and we don't even know each other. It's how I operate. I am weird. Anyway: we could start a cupcake business! Obviously this would require some logistical planning, but it's an idea that I've had in some shape or form for about a year now and that I keep coming back to.

By the way: I'm shy too. I have about 2 friends I see in real life at the moment by pure luck (them getting back in touch with me). I had none a few months ago.


I've thought of running a cupcake business from home. Every christmas my uncle orders me cakes and sweets from the Swiss Mountain company and I figure if they can ship these huge cakes to people at christmas then I should be able to run a small little business shipping cupcakes.

My only problem is I suck at math so finanically I'd be scared to run a business.



CupcakeBelle
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06 Apr 2011, 9:39 am

emlion wrote:
CupcakeBelle wrote:
emlion wrote:
Wow. Your friends actually said they wouldn't come to your wedding?


Yep...soon as I explained to the girls what a bridesmaid is they flipped over the idea that they would have to buy a dress and help fold invitations and all that jazz. Hell the list I gave them was very very short since I didn't want to burden them, especially the maid of honor, with the traditional list of things.

My mom told me for years that they pretty much just used me and would vanish as soon as they were required to return the favor. Guess she was right.


Looks like she was. :(
That's sad there's people who are willing to use you like that.
Sounds like it's good that you found out, and you're better off without them.

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with not having anyone at my wedding - as long as I had a husband who I loved.


I'd be happy if it was just me and him getting hitched alone in gatlinburg but I couldn't get it to go along with it lol and damn did I try. He views this day as a day to celebrate with family and friends I view it as a day to celebrate with just him. Cause in the end without me and him there wouldn't be a wedding.



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06 Apr 2011, 9:41 am

CupcakeBelle wrote:
emlion wrote:
CupcakeBelle wrote:
emlion wrote:
Wow. Your friends actually said they wouldn't come to your wedding?


Yep...soon as I explained to the girls what a bridesmaid is they flipped over the idea that they would have to buy a dress and help fold invitations and all that jazz. Hell the list I gave them was very very short since I didn't want to burden them, especially the maid of honor, with the traditional list of things.

My mom told me for years that they pretty much just used me and would vanish as soon as they were required to return the favor. Guess she was right.


Looks like she was. :(
That's sad there's people who are willing to use you like that.
Sounds like it's good that you found out, and you're better off without them.

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with not having anyone at my wedding - as long as I had a husband who I loved.


I'd be happy if it was just me and him getting hitched alone in gatlinburg but I couldn't get it to go along with it lol and damn did I try. He views this day as a day to celebrate with family and friends I view it as a day to celebrate with just him. Cause in the end without me and him there wouldn't be a wedding.


Yeah. I can see both points of view.
I suppose you just have to view it as one day and then for the rest of your lives you don't have to worry about it. :D



nunctecognovi
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06 Apr 2011, 9:47 am

why don't you organize a more sober ceremony instead? So your bridesmaids wouldn't have to buy expensive dresses. I don't know why weddings have always to be so over the top.



CupcakeBelle
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06 Apr 2011, 9:49 am

emlion wrote:
Yeah. I can see both points of view.
I suppose you just have to view it as one day and then for the rest of your lives you don't have to worry about it. :D


I'm working on it. :) It's not that I hate people...I just have a dislike of "normal" people. I'm geeky, dorky, weird and make no apology for it. Luckly his some of his friends are like me so that helps.



CupcakeBelle
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06 Apr 2011, 9:51 am

nunctecognovi wrote:
why don't you organize a more sober ceremony instead? So your bridesmaids wouldn't have to buy expensive dresses. I don't know why weddings have always to be so over the top.


When it came to the dresses I told them all they had to do was either show up in dark purple or green. As far as style price and so on it was up to them. I even googled twenty dollar dresses that would have worked really well and gave them copies for ideas. I'm doing this whole wedding on the cheap. I can't even bare to spend money on my own dress I wouldn't ask someone to spend a fortune on theirs.



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06 Apr 2011, 9:53 am

CupcakeBelle wrote:
emlion wrote:
Yeah. I can see both points of view.
I suppose you just have to view it as one day and then for the rest of your lives you don't have to worry about it. :D


I'm working on it. :) It's not that I hate people...I just have a dislike of "normal" people. I'm geeky, dorky, weird and make no apology for it. Luckly his some of his friends are like me so that helps.


Haha, me too.
Quirky is more fun than normal.



CupcakeBelle
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06 Apr 2011, 10:07 am

emlion wrote:
CupcakeBelle wrote:
emlion wrote:
Yeah. I can see both points of view.
I suppose you just have to view it as one day and then for the rest of your lives you don't have to worry about it. :D


I'm working on it. :) It's not that I hate people...I just have a dislike of "normal" people. I'm geeky, dorky, weird and make no apology for it. Luckly his some of his friends are like me so that helps.


Haha, me too.
Quirky is more fun than normal.


That it is. Like I love Halloween here at work because I can acutally be myself and not have to be all stuffy and uptight. Last year I wore black pants and a black short sleeve shirt. My hair was a neon green bob wig. and every inch of my skin that wasn't coverd by clothing was painted in random shapes and designs.



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06 Apr 2011, 10:08 am

I think that Purchase had a good idea. You can find your bridesmaids in WP. If you are going to marry anywhere near Paris I will help you.
PS: I am quite weird too, I hope you won't mind.