Higher social skillls = harder to relate to aspies?

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

FlintsDoorknob
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 3 Nov 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 69

24 Mar 2011, 1:24 am

Does anyone else have a pretty good set of social skills, which ironically makes it harder to relate and talk to other people with asperger's? I learned a lot of things out on my own. I would definitively say most of the social quirks are gone, and the ones that remain are at least copable.

I have a problem now where I was involved with group meetings for people around my age with Asperger's and I find it hard to relate to anyone there. I don't go anymore though. Reading through some forums like these can be really impossible. A lot of it is age difference, and sometimes comes across as emotionally immature. There's nothing wrong with that, everyone was like that at one point. But I really have no one to talk to about quirks, who is like minded.

I know a few people online through different forums who have asperger's, but don't really talk about it either.

Am I the only one who feels this way?



Asterisp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 898
Location: Netherlands

24 Mar 2011, 1:45 am

Autism and Aspergers both have broad definitions, so differences in situations and problems should happen. And the populations on different fora can be different. On a dutch forum for autism (Autsider) there are a lot of people without a job, so 80% of the topics do not fit my situation. But there are some topics that are applicable, about social issues and/or regardless of jobs. Those are the ones to read (for me at least). So one time a week I read some topics there, ignoring the rest.

On WP the number of Aspies with similar situations as mine are a lot greater, so I find a lot of topics here that are applicable for me... and I find a lot of useful thoughts and advice. Maybe you should learn to find the appropriate topics or just look further for a forum that fits you situation more.

IRL I was in some help group at one time and it was useful at that time, but it was not a good place to talk about certain problems. So I was happy when the season was over. But I learned to talk things over with some good friends or my parents. It is not always satisfactory but it has to do for now.



LuxoJr
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 391
Location: a dance party on the moon

24 Mar 2011, 2:00 am

Hehehe. I have passed as a neurotypical the past 3 years.
A very WEIRD neurotypical.
No of course you are not the only one, nor am I, or anyone else on this forum either. There are plenty of autistics out there who feel this way, and some find it easier while others find it a bit worrying.
I can't really agree with the whol emotional immaturity thing because I am one of those people :P but as for being autistic, yes there is/are another person/other people out there who are basically neurotypical with really bad quirks. It tends to balance out the *spectrum* more, though.


_________________
We could sail on a pancake sail ship in an ocean of chocolate. And if it sinks we could hitch a ride on a ratatouille rocket.


quaker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Aug 2010
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 563
Location: London

24 Mar 2011, 2:23 am

Perhaps, and I use this word cautiously, most AS support groups and ACTIVE users of AS web forums are more held back from the imprisoning aspects of their autism than you are?

Perhaps you are more right-brained and more sensing than many here. Many folks with HFA can be extremely sensing and pick up on NVC and social communication.

What are you like with NT chit chat and social stuff, do you feel you are a little bit slower in those circles?



CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

28 Mar 2011, 5:40 am

FlintsDoorknob wrote:
I have a problem now where I was involved with group meetings for people around my age with Asperger's and I find it hard to relate to anyone there.
?


I felt this way when I attended a group for people with AS and HFA. They were more interested in their gameboys and PSPs than anything. But I don't feel that way with people on WP.



bumble
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Mar 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,073

28 Mar 2011, 7:11 am

I am neurotypical as far as I know and am diagnosed with social anxiety, anxiety, depression and agoraphobia but in my experience thus far, I find it easier to relate to people with Asperger's etc than I do other neurotypicals. I am considered odd to other neurotypicals and they rarely understand me. I seem to live in a world of my own, but it's a world I understand, I don't understand the social world of other neurotypicals however.

I am very academically bright and excelled but seem to be both emotionally immature and lacking in social intelligence. I have tried to learn things such as body language for example, and although I can memorise the theory and what different poses could mean, when it comes to actually being able to interpret them in the moment I still get confused as sometimes a position can mean more than one thing in different contexts. What I can't do is utilise the theory practically, so I constantly remain confused when socialising and stick to learned scripts that I have memorised lol. I can mask my social inability to a degree but not enough for me to be able to function well socially. It usually goes horribly wrong *ahem* and I am presently unable to work due to my social problems.



CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

28 Mar 2011, 10:17 am

bumble wrote:
I am neurotypical as far as I know and am diagnosed with social anxiety, anxiety, depression and agoraphobia but in my experience thus far, I find it easier to relate to people with Asperger's etc than I do other neurotypicals. I am considered odd to other neurotypicals and they rarely understand me. I seem to live in a world of my own, but it's a world I understand, I don't understand the social world of other neurotypicals however.

I am very academically bright and excelled but seem to be both emotionally immature and lacking in social intelligence. I have tried to learn things such as body language for example, and although I can memorise the theory and what different poses could mean, when it comes to actually being able to interpret them in the moment I still get confused as sometimes a position can mean more than one thing in different contexts. What I can't do is utilise the theory practically, so I constantly remain confused when socialising and stick to learned scripts that I have memorised lol. I can mask my social inability to a degree but not enough for me to be able to function well socially. It usually goes horribly wrong *ahem* and I am presently unable to work due to my social problems.


You almost fit the bill.



Ai_Ling
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,891

28 Mar 2011, 3:12 pm

I think Ive gotten to the point in my life where Im part aspie, part NT. Because Im still aspie, there are things that I can still relate to other aspies about which is what I use the forums for. For me reading these boards and thinking about other peoples situations and how they should best deal with things helps me figure things out even if I cant relate fully. I use my NT side and attempt to relate to my NT friends which all except for 1 of my real life friends are NT. But I do get the feeling at times, I cant relate fully to anyone.



wefunction
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,486

28 Mar 2011, 4:04 pm

I still relate a lot to aspies but I do not agree with the self-defeatist aspergers-makes-things-impossible attitude that some aspies have developed as a justification to give up when things get difficult. I wouldn't agree with that quitter attitude in anybody so that's just my personality. Overall, I relate to other aspies, especially my 5th grade son.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,579
Location: the island of defective toy santas

28 Mar 2011, 11:39 pm

i get the impression from having read WP posts for the past several years, that many of the higher-functioning types seem to have not much use for those beneath them in cognitive functioning level. this saddens me. :(



CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

29 Mar 2011, 12:37 am

auntblabby wrote:
i get the impression from having read WP posts for the past several years, that many of the higher-functioning types seem to have not much use for those beneath them in cognitive functioning level. this saddens me. :(


It saddens me too. It's like everyone secretly yearns to be NT, and closer we are determined who we give our time of day to. I don't see myself like that, though.



quaker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Aug 2010
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 563
Location: London

29 Mar 2011, 1:27 am

Maybe that is one of the disabling aspects of being 'high-functioning'......too much head and to little heart. (or an inability to get into the emotional realm and communicate it's language)

Much of my work over the years has been spent working with 'low functioning' people in the spectrum and not in the spectrum and they have taught me more about love and beauty than anyone or anything.



rf
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 38

31 Mar 2011, 10:32 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
It saddens me too. It's like everyone secretly yearns to be NT, and closer we are determined who we give our time of day to. I don't see myself like that, though.
Much to my own disgust, I find myself looking down on spectroids with worse social skills than my own. In fact, I think I'm harder on them than my NT family. Two thoughts on why that might be:

First, those folks are breaking rules I worked long and hard to figure out. In a childish way, that offends me, much the way that someone running a red light offends me.

Second, I'm pretty sure there's an element of fear and embarrassment; the stuff that annoys me most is the stuff that reminds me of myself -- especially former versions of myself (and versions of myself that I fight daily to hold at bay).

That makes me a self-hating aspie, doesn't it? Dang.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,579
Location: the island of defective toy santas

01 Apr 2011, 3:35 am

rf wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
It saddens me too. It's like everyone secretly yearns to be NT, and closer we are determined who we give our time of day to. I don't see myself like that, though.
Much to my own disgust, I find myself looking down on spectroids with worse social skills than my own. In fact, I think I'm harder on them than my NT family. Two thoughts on why that might be:

First, those folks are breaking rules I worked long and hard to figure out. In a childish way, that offends me, much the way that someone running a red light offends me. Second, I'm pretty sure there's an element of fear and embarrassment; the stuff that annoys me most is the stuff that reminds me of myself -- especially former versions of myself (and versions of myself that I fight daily to hold at bay). That makes me a self-hating aspie, doesn't it? Dang.


would that more folk [whatever their spectrum location] had your level of self-knowledge. most folk can't think into their own motivations deeply enough to understand that what they hate is largely what they fear of themselves.



CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

05 Apr 2011, 2:15 pm

auntblabby wrote:
rf wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
It saddens me too. It's like everyone secretly yearns to be NT, and closer we are determined who we give our time of day to. I don't see myself like that, though.
Much to my own disgust, I find myself looking down on spectroids with worse social skills than my own. In fact, I think I'm harder on them than my NT family. Two thoughts on why that might be:

First, those folks are breaking rules I worked long and hard to figure out. In a childish way, that offends me, much the way that someone running a red light offends me. Second, I'm pretty sure there's an element of fear and embarrassment; the stuff that annoys me most is the stuff that reminds me of myself -- especially former versions of myself (and versions of myself that I fight daily to hold at bay). That makes me a self-hating aspie, doesn't it? Dang.


would that more folk [whatever their spectrum location] had your level of self-knowledge. most folk can't think into their own motivations deeply enough to understand that what they hate is largely what they fear of themselves.


I think one of my special talents is discerning between genuine distain, and when somebody just sees something in someone else they see in themselves. It's strangely obvious.

But I kinda relate to rf. I do draw the line at some point. I worked hard to get where I'm at, so I deserve to be with people who aren't going to embarrass the hell out of me, and themselves whether they know it or not.



Cyanide
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,003
Location: The Pacific Northwest

07 Apr 2011, 3:43 pm

I don't really relate to a lot of people in general, whether AS or NT. The only people I ever end up making friends with fall into some weird "in between" space. I'm not as "autistic" as I used to be, and I have a pretty sarcastic sense of humor... Obviously that falls on deaf ears in a lot of the AS community... I don't hate them for it, though. I just assume that a lot of them were just extremely coddled growing up, so they never had the opportunity to actually learn how to recognize sarcasm and whatnot.