I'd appreciate help: Group Interactions

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Hello, I'm new to this site (just found it today) and I was wondering if I might find some helpful advice. I'm an eighteen year old male, and although I've always been introverted to a ridiculus extent, I've been functional within society and have done okay. I've also never dealt with a psychologist or therapist of any kind, but a few years ago my father (who is like me) pointed Aspergers out to me and since then I've believed that I have some form of it.

Anyway, I'm not looking to be normal or to have a quality social life, but for the past few months I've been trying to improve on my ability to interract with normal people. For me its somewhat painful to socialize on the small-talk level, so trying to accomplish this has caused me a lot of angst and suffering, but through making so many mistakes I am making gains in my quest .

So far I've actually had some success with speaking to others individually (one on one) and in giving presentations (one to many). However, I'm having a lot of trouble finding a way to interract in the context of a group: for example, if I eat lunch or dinner with four or five other people. When I am in these group situations I fall back to into being a mute, and--as I'm so very aware of--this makes other people extremely uncomfortable. Does anyone have advice specifically about learning how to speak within a group?

If you have something to say that is appropriate to the conversation, then say it.

I wish I could be of more help, but I have that problem, as well. I'm a lazy person and it takes too much effort to talk. If there is a lengthy silence, I might say something, but, if not, I stay quiet.

The only thing which has really worked for me is just to keep spending time with a particular group and to pay attention to the group dynamics. This enabled me to feel more comfortable with them and observe their tendencies in interacting with each other. Once I became familiar with their group conversational style, I could attempt to emulate it. (It helped that I was with people with fairly similar interests and humor.) I gradually worked from being totally silent to occasional interjections to usually being able to converse when the topic interests me and I know the people well. Just take things slowly and down't put too much pressure on yourself.

I'm NT but with social phobia so I've always found group interaction difficult. I don't tend to talk much in group situations till I know the people, but I've found that smiling a lot and nodding and agreeing at appropriate points makes it seem as though I'm interested in the conversation but just naturally quiet. Theoretically this means people aren't put off by my silence. Questions are also good but that depends on context. Right now I'm trying to get to know a group of people at university so I might ask their opinions on something a lecturer said.

It's an incredibly intimidating thing to do!

Thanks for your advice guys. Even if there's no easy answer its still helps to see perspectives of people who are going through something similar.

I don't know if this would help you or anything. But, would like getting your school counselor or something be able to set a group up for you and other people with disabilities or something to start you out. I don't know how well that would help you out. But I'm a junior in college and right now (hopefully) i'm going to be in a group just with people on the spectrum. I'm really excited for it and i can't wait. We'll be dealing with social skills and relationships, and other things. If you were to be in a group of people who you could relate with, maybe that would be a place to start with group interactions and work your way from there.

I've always had difficulty socializing, especially in a group setting. One way I've dealt with it before is to just hang out with people that have the same interests or hobbies as I--I've been in the Creative Writing Club when I was in high school. Another thing that would help is to find a school or program that teaches life skills to people with Aspergers and the like.

Check out the articles section, there's some awesome stuff there, exactly what you're looking for in fact.

I used to be the kid who was made fun of in school by 3-8 kids every hour and therefore acquired the taste of not talking (that equals more humiliation). But when I did talk, I didn’t know what to say or when responding to a topic, I’d give it a bizarre take. Now that I’m at a University, I’m having trouble with talking to people outside of class. I’m tired of only having interaction based on classroom teachings.

Some how, I have floated into a group of students who are “normal” and don’t always talk about literature, poetry, history, music, and philosophy. I’m freaking out because those topics are what blew me in. I am stuck with being quiet, asking yes - no questions (do you like this band, have your read this person) with little feedback, or just staring past them (while I write bits of poetry) in hopes that I may be invisible and not noticed because I’m the odd one who is not talking. When I asked the “leader” of the group (a girl who has captivated me) if she though I was weird, well – she let me have it: I try too hard, I ask too many questions, I get off topic, and I ramble too much about philosophy.

But when I’m at work or drilling with the Army, I’m just the guy who’s loud, weird, obnoxious, smart, funny, original, annoying and straight up bizarre. That’s because they are used to me and I will force them to get used to me because I have to work with them. It’s so different when I’m trying to make friends with a group who has a lot in common with me. Any suggestions?