No opportunities to practice?

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Anyone else lack opportunities to practice social skills?

I'm going to lectures, no one sitting beside me...going home surfing the net all day.

I wonder the same.

It seems to me that joining clubs or actively choosing to sit next to other people (and talk to them), is not practice, but the real thing. I am put off from attempting the real thing often because I feel I haven't had practice.

Its strange to me that there isn't a good computer program for practicing social exchange. There are some good enough chess computer programs, so why not another complicated game with plenty of rules able to be put into code? It could have a simulated person which you had to talk to and give decent responses, and it would be timed, so you'd have to work up your response speed. And it could even use audio and mic so that you get practice actually speaking things such as "hello, how are you today?"

I bet there is a program somewhere. Maybe only the worst of the worst get the help, get access to it, and we're left to live in some kind of zombie state of aidless social torment.

Yup.

I'm unemployed, my opportunities for practising social skills are;
a. boyfriend - talking to one person all the time doesn't really help with social skills.
b. college - everyone in class ignores me and excludes me from the group work that accounts for 98% of the class.
c. job centre - job centre staff aren't people, and thus their social skills are worse than mine.
d. staff at local store - who probably think I'm strange and/or stalking them as a result.

People will always suggest clubs - not sure where in the world such people live in that there is an abundance in active interesting clubs to join when you're an adult, I live in a major city and short of sports clubs there is not much going. Even if you find a club to join the same problem arises in that you can go and try to socialise but often because of your poor social skills people will choose to ignore or exclude you, once that happens their mind is made-up about you and it is all the more difficult to try to join them. Still worth looking out for.

In summer time you do have the chance to sit out in public areas and there are normally small local events to go to where you can practice small-talk - we have a local green festival here which is normally quite good to chat to people, I think small festivals or places with information stalls/offices can be useful as long as you know how not to wear out your welcome. Local bars or libraries can be handy, not so much for talking to strangers, but getting a regular conversation going with the staff. Still, slim pickings.

Social interaction online can help as far as I'm concerned - chatting on MSN, on forums like this, on online games like online poker (the free games - I'm not encouraging gambling in order to make friends) - it's still a bit of social interaction. I know I am terrible talking to people online these days, but a few years back I used to chat to loads of people via ICQ (I miss the days of random people just IMing you on ICQ or MSN to chat) and made a few friends. You might want to try chatting to people via web cam to get some face-to-face time to make it more true to life, or if you have no one to chat to via webcam try 'roulette chat'. Online socialisation can lead to real-life socialising too, just be careful of course!

Aspie or autistic groups - I'm due to go to one on Wednesday, my first ever, this is set-up by NAS specifically as a social group to help people on the spectrum who have trouble socialising, you may have one where you live which may be handy for you. Look out for informal get together's on Meetup.com or forums like this - maybe try to arrange a get together of your own on this forum?

Look out for non-AS/ASD meetups too, for example if you're into a specific game, hobby, etc. there may be local meetups so there is an chance there to make new friends and socialise. When our local rock club closed down I started an online group which ended-up becoming a real life meeting once a month too, in turn resulting in some long-term friendships.

It's all easier said than done of course, but some ideas may be doable for you

Opportunities to practice social skills are everywhere.

Examples:

- Grocery shopping. It happens to me all the time that whilst standing in line people start talking to me, or I start talking to them. It's amazing for practicing small talk. A slow moving line, funny little kids, realizing the one before/after you in line also bought only a pizza; they're amazing conversation starters.

- Dog parks. Even when you don't own a dog, dog parks are full of people who love to talk. Discuss dogs, your favorite breeds, their funny behavior, the sad/awesome/funny stories. If you have a dog, try making a conversation with someone who just walked into the park; it's fun do walk together and your dog also gets some socializing. (Or your friends'/neighbors'/parents' dog)

- Stores that specialize in one thing. Book stores, game stores, antique stores. Whatever your interest may be, you can find someone there to talk to about it.

- Libraries. If you like reading, go into the library and ask someone who looks like he/she loves reading to recommend you some books. If you meet this person again, you have some ground to start a conversation. ("Hey there, weren't you the one who recommend *book* to me? *wait for answer* *start discussing book*)

- Kids playgrounds. Children accept strangers better. Find a comfortable bench and have something to read with you. Depending on your age and the situation, you can:
a) Talk to their parents. Parents love talking about their children.
b) Play along with the kids. This works when you're not old enough to have kids yourself.
c) Observe them from behind your book/newspaper/magazine. They're kids, they're also learning social skills. You may actually pick up a thing or two.


I can imagine these things come of as scary and the real thing. If that's the case, you could maybe ask a NT friend/family member to help you. Explain your situation and that you're trying to improve your social skills. You need to be able to deal with criticism. Ask them what they think that your biggest problems are. Write them down. These may be things like: Talking too fast, talking too monotone, talking too loud, responding too late or early, finishing someone's sentences, saying too much, saying too little. It doesn't matter. When you're talking to someone, even if it's just your parents, siblings or teacher, look if you can recognize the things you wrote down.
This strategy actually helped me a lot. If I find myself going on and on about the same thing, talking way too fast and being too loud in all my enthusiasm, I finish my sentence, take a breath and ask the other a small-talk question like "So, and how was your day?"

I think that joining an interest group of some sort would be a good place to start as at least then you have something to talk about. Also it won't matter so much if you are afraid of not doing a good job of interacting as you don't have to be invited and popular if it is a public group. If you go along and just try to relax and don't do anything that people could consider obnoxious like swear or take your trousers off, then they will let you come back .

Perhaps try the meetup website to find an interest group (www.meetup.com). I joined a book club from it so I could try interacting with people a little bit more. It was ok because if you had read the book you were prepared for it and it wasn't as nerve wracking as just going to meet a bunch of total strangers with nothing to use as a "prop".
In this case the book was the prop. The book was interesting and we had a quite enjoyable discussion about it. The meeting was at a cafe so if I started feeling nervous I would just excuse myself and go to the counter to order something or get a glass of water.

Before going, it is best to plan an "out", just in case it is too overwhelming. So you can say "I might have to leave early for such and such".