Did I send this person the wrong message?

Post Reply New Topic

Back in July of last year, I sent a message to a lady who knew me when I was little (she was a friend of my sister). I asked her if she remembered me, she said that she did, and seemed happy to hear from me. In my response, I mentioned how I played with her hair once when I was about four. I offered her an explanation as to why I was playing with her hair, and here's what I wrote:

...there was a reason I was flipping your hair that one time. On the television, there was an ice cream commercial, and I was getting excited by the ice cream commercial, so I started flipping your hair out oof excitement. Just thought I'd let you know.

Hi.

She may or may not have been offended by your comment.

Sometimes people don't respond to e-mails because they are busy with their own lives. I have gotten in touch with people I used to know and other people I used to know have gotten in touch with me. We will respond to each other cordially, but are not necessarily interested in an extensive conversation/exchange with each other. There is nothing wrong with this - it is just that people are busy with their own lives.

She may have been mildly confused by your quote:

...there was a reason I was flipping your hair that one time. On the television, there was an ice cream commercial, and I was getting excited by the ice cream commercial, so I started flipping your hair out oof excitement. Just thought I'd let you know. Smile



1. She may not remember you playing with her hair. You were four at the time and often very young children (two to five) have specific memories that are very vivid to them - but may not have registered with others. I specifically remember walking across the partially finished living room of my family home when I was two. My grandfather was in attendance as well. I remember this very vividly - but when I bring it up to my parents - they do not remember this specific incidence (heck - it happened 38 years ago LOL!!).

2. You used the term "excited" when you described your feeling of flipping her hair. "Excited" to a four year old means that wonderful feeling when you see ice cream, fire trucks, halloween candy or other things that, well, "excite" a four year old. However.... "excited" to an adult often means sexual arousal. Hence - this lady might have thought that you were sharing this memory to hint at a sexual interest in her. She may not have been particularly "offended" - but just not interested in this type of relationship or discussion and choose not to continue talking.

Personally - I am leaning to the first reason that she didn't continue responding ... she is probably just busy with the particulars of her own life and warmly remembers you, but has no further interest in correspondence.

As for my second point - about the "excited" stuff - don't fret or worry about this. Frankly - it is a bit of a stretch that she would interpret your comment this way - I merely offered this explanation as a possibility. There is no need to re-write the lady and explain "I just wanted to make sure you did not misinterpret what I wrote - I didn't mean "excited" like I am implying that I am aroused - I was just talking about an old memory I have of you when I innocently played with your hair....." - she probably is not dwelling on it and neither should you.

I hope this helps - (or at least did not make everything more confusing...

Maybe she took your words as a tad too familiar? I know that talking about a memory of flipping somebody's hair and actually flipping their hair are very different things, but they put the same kind of image into the recipient's head, so possibly she felt a bit invaded....like somebody said, she might have no recollection of the event. There's possibly a vague sexual connotation to it (for adults).

But not necessarily.....sometimes people just don't have the time to keep up a correspondence with everybody who sends them a message, they might only bother with the ones who they know are on their wavelength

one can't please everybody. the OP should save his energies for people who are actually good to him.

a lot of people just don't have time for extended conversations with strangers. One also wouldn't normally bring up such a detailed/personal topic if they had not met in a long time. People normally start with all the hi/how are you/small talk and then if they get to know each other more personally, they can bring up conversations about these particular little things.

[...there was a reason I was flipping your hair that one time. On the television, there was an ice cream commercial, and I was getting excited by the ice cream commercial, so I started flipping your hair out oof excitement. Just thought I'd let you know. Smile ]


For me it would seem a strange that you would bring up something that long ago. I would not have remembered it. Children always like to play with hair, and I've had a lot of them play with mine when I was holding them.