so i recently started a new job, albeit a job where i have no prior experience in it. i was really taken by the presentation of the managers and decided as i had been given a laid off notice from my previous employer almost 2 months ago that it would be better to just take the job (well one of 2 jobs offered) and not take the chance of being unemployed for who knows how long. so one thing that rubbed the wrong way on the very first day of signing papers and watching completely pointless fake training videos, another manager (not the one who hired me) starts to question me on my lack of experience in the field and says something like "so mike says you have no experience in this, whats up with that, man?" at first i was taken aback and thought to myself "what the f**k am i being interviewed on the first day?" after i already accepted the job. so i answer the question without much hesistation throwing on my interview mindset and it seems to please his curiosity. however another part of me wanted to say something like "well if you and mike seem to disagree on my ability to do this job, then you two should have come to an agreement and if there was any reservation, you should not have offered me the job at all. because it seems that if i dont have open confidence from one of my managers, how do you expect me to be willing work for you even on the first day? it just doesnt make much sense to offer a job and then immediately question your new employee's ability to perform even on the very first day." but i just kept my mouth shut and acted like it didnt bother me.
and i will say from even when this manager was at the group interview/presentation he seemed to be a very angry, non smiling, very uptight individual who had a big stick up his ass. but i felt well he is just being professional and so forth, so i just brushed it off. however even on the first day of the job, where there is a total of 30 mostly 20's to late 30s men employed there, this manager gets easily upset and makes very condescending/unappreciative/profanity filled remarks even with an employee of his is asking for something to perform the tasks of the job. which to me, as a new employee, if that is how he treats the seasoned employees on the job and this is just the way he talks to people, it makes it very hard for me to respect someone's word and direction if all they do is cuss at their employees and act like its no big f*****g deal. to me, it just seems to signal a very unprofessional, disorganized, unhappy place to work at and frankly, at my age, i dont need the extra stress/distraction of having to deal with a manager who is out of control and has very little professional/personal regard/instinct for his employees right off the bat.
now on to the part of not undestanding the conversations with men, so on this first day, after a few hours of training, a big group of 20 of us go out for lunch at a local hooters restaurant. and since i havent had much time to even say hi to these guys, i decide to try to strike up conversations and ask questions like "so how long have you worked here?" and "what do you like best about the job?" and "prior to working here, did you have any experience in this field?" and i try this with about 3 to 4 guys who were sitting around me at various times. in the mean time, as im trying to be one of the guys, and listen in to their conversations and make casual observations/viewpoints about their list of the following topics...well since we were at a hooters restaurant, obviously the conversations did include all the attractive waitresses and how so and so is so hot and sexy and doing the standard googly-eye stare thing at all these women. and so i do my part of that. other topics included of course f*****g sports...like fishing and golf and pro basketball, which i infact have very little knowledge/but can be persuaded to watch a game albeit without the normal conversational non-sequiter remarks regarding an athlete's percentages on some s**t and how f*****g awesome so and so is at the game and all other sports related remarks to fill the silence. so im listening to these conversations, and all these men, who yes i know have worked with eachother at least a year or so, all seem to have an intuitive understanding of their remarks whether they were being sarcastic, serious, random, matter of factly, and even with remarks that probably didnt contain more than 8 words total at a time. and they are laughing and enjoying themselves and seem to be distracted with all this "great" conversation....where as i sitting there just f*****g confused and quiet. yes i know the point can be made that these topics were not of my interest and therefore i just had to sit there and grin it and laugh like a fake as*hole, whereas whenever i tried to be open and interested to my questions about them, i was somehow just ignored and our conversations ended abruptly over the period of a good hour and a half. so as i read on articles about starting a new job and following the tips of me being the one to introduce myself and ask questions about others, and generally be a nice open fun guy, regardless, it seemed to me i just fell on my face before i even opened my f*****g mouth.
and i also sense that this environment will not be good for me since im not one to easily make friends and just be more relaxed with people, especially with other men, and be on the same page with others. so i guess im just ranting about our common hell of trying to deal with the world in their way and not making too many faux-pas where i'll be set out to the pasture as the guy who is nice and all and does his work but other than that nobody at the workplace really cares much for him and then be stuck in any type of personal/professional growth for the coming time ahead. it sucks. i wish i could just switch it off and be "normal" and be a shining example of nt normality. but i cant.
17 Apr 2011, 10:14 am
