She really doesn't like me

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There's a lady at church. She's one of the few women near my age and she's a mom with a lot of kids. She really doesn't like me. I have no idea why. She's civil to me. When we're left in a room alone, it's the kind of awkward that comes when you're stuck in a room with someone you don't want to talk to. I don't think she's said anything about me to people because the awkwardness is just around her with me. She's friendly to everyone else, including my husband. So I don't get it. I must've said something or maybe I missed something she said and she thought I was snobby and didn't like her... sometimes that happens. I took my husband aside at a church-based social function last evening and said, "She really doesn't like me." in a half-amused voice. I'm not taking it personal, I'm not offended, but I just can't figure out why. He told me later that it may just take more time, more social functions, and she'll loosen up and realize I'm cool. And I guess that's about all there is to it.

If I get sick of it, I'm not above asking her, "You act like you don't like me. That's the vibe I get. Have I done something to offend you? Why don't you like me?" but someone can get really freaked out by that kind of directness, so I try not to bottom line it for people when I can avoid it.

In the meanwhile, it's like my husband says, just let it go and let her opinion change with more interaction. I may just be one of those people that just rubs her the wrong way without there needing to be an explicit reason. Who knows.

I don't think you like me either.

Actually, Boo, I don't know you to like or dislike you. You're a guy on an internet forum who lives halfway across the world. My default position is to like people since I don't seek out reasons to dislike people. I was told that you were saying some nasty things about me in PM to other people, but that isn't going to stop me from saying what I want to say or telling you not to be bossy when I think you're being bossy. I don't hold grudges. I can disagree with someone and move on.

Is it just the vibe you get from her, or is her body language signalling to you that feeling of dislike from her?
They may be things in her past that remind her of someone she had a bad experience with or she might see things in you that might remind her of herself.

Your husband is right in saying to give her time, as in the future for all we know the two of you might be best of friends.
Things change with time

She uses very distinct body language. She's not amused by anything that I say (and this is church so you know I'm on my best behavior). She avoids looking at me, let alone speaking to me. It's very obvious, especially since everybody else likes me.

Well its sounds like she making a judgement call about you based on her own past experience, or gossip about you may of coloured her thinking. If and only if there been any negative gossip about you going around your community.

Personally, I just let her be & move on from it. Done's her behaviour towards you, worry you?

It doesn't worry me. It's just puzzling because I don't know why. I think it's a shame because there are very few women around my age in the church and we're both moms of big families. We have things in common. So who knows. I'll just wait for her to come around. I'm not concerned about anybody gossiping about me in the church. I've been in some doosy churches over the years who are very nasty with the judgments and criticisms but my church does not do that (which is why it's my church). She is, very literally, the only one who does not like me. It's interesting.

My first impression would be jealousy over something..

If you want to accuse me with such thing, prove it, you can PM me.

Maybe she's intimidated by you for some reason.

I didn't accuse you of anything. I shared what I was told. And I thought I was being nice by leveling with you when you tried to make this post about you. This thread wasn't about you and I have no desire to make it about you. Don't bother me.

I don't know. I'm not very outspoken at church. There's not the same kind of people at church as there are here on WP, so I've never had to tell someone not to bother me or that they're ignoring an influence of systematic privilege in their viewpoint. It just doesn't happen there. It could be intimidation or, like Nim said, jealousy, but with the added "for some reason" because she'd be the only one who feels that way. It's a puzzle wrapped in an enigma hidden inside a riddle.

*forget it*

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 01 May 2011, 12:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I expected you to deny what I heard, not validate it, especially since the one who told me is the one you're valiantly defending here and it was weeks before you did what you've admitted. I suppose everything is true then. I don't appreciate my words or intentions being manipulated to conjure false bravado to change the focus of what you've done. It is simply unmannerly. This is more drama than I care for. Don't bother me.

I've never exchanged any PMs at all with that person you're talking about.
Honestly, I don't what you're talking about now.
Bye.

Locked at the request of the OP