How do I convince her?

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I'm 22 years old and my mom treats me like I am five. I mean yeah, I know I'm autistic, that I have ADHD, mild intellectual/developmental disability, learning disability and severe anxiety but its not like I act out every five seconds. I've done well with my behavior and with interaction.

I'm going to be going to an anime con this weekend and I told her I wanted to be able to be on my own and maybe she could kind of stand by somewhere that she could see me. But she has to be at my side 24/7. She won't let me take a little time on my own to practice social skills or talk with others. I can do things myself while being at an anime con. I know if something bad happens that the event manager will help me.

Yet she treats me like I'm five because she thinks that I can't do things on my own. She has to be right next to me as if I'm on some invisible leash so I don't do anything I'm not supposed to.

Thing is, in places like Wal-mart or the grocery store... she could care less if I go off myself. But at an anime convention she has to stick to me like glue. I don't mind having her support but I just feel like being at this anime con is what helps me gain all of the things I lack... yet she doesn't want to let me try. D:

I've even told her this many times but she INSISTS she has to be with me because I'm not capable of being alone. Why is it so much different than being in wal-mart? I've done well the second year at the anime con without any problems... except for a couple minor crying spells that I had but other than that, I never had any trouble. I'm usually really high-functioning and can do things normally without even needing help. I mean I have trouble with verbal expression but I can still use verbal skills. I say hi to people, talk to people yet having my mom there makes me feel like I'm five and can't go anywhere without her.

How do you think I should convince her? I mean she won't let me show her how I can do this myself. I know it probably won't help those who don't really socialize but maybe a few people who still try could?

1 just lose her in the masses
2 get mad and tell her to leave you alone

A lot of times people don't listen to reasonable suggestions just because of the calm emotional state that comes with how you say it. It sucks that you have to get mad to get a point across, and it sucks even more that words make less of an impact then getting mad most of the time.

I think your mom is only doing this because you are not setting up clear boundaries, you are letting her cross your lines by being too nice for her.

Internet double post fail.

Last edited by proxybear on 28 Sep 2011, 1:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

You're 22 years old, an adult basically.

You have the right to decide things yourself. If you don't want her with you then say so with a serious voice. If she says "no, you cannot go by yourself", then tell her that you are an adult and make your own decisions.

She is probably just trying to protect you, but going about it the wrong way. Prove to her that you can go by yourself by going by yourself.

I do that and she just makes a bigger scene over it. If I lose her in masses, then she goes into a panic about me being 'missing'. She falls under PDD-NOS since she is normally social yet has trouble keeping friends. She's undiagnosed but she does have those symptoms... so it gets really annoying. We always collide with each other in terms of traits and stuff. She's more angry and somewhat aggressive when it comes to anger management and yelling... (not in an abuse sense but more outburst wise) and I'm more emotional breakdown/meltdown prone.

Thing is I still handle my anger better than her. I have better coping skills and I know what I am doing. I know in a way she does have to be with me but the whole reason I am so socially/emotionally attached to my parents is because they baby me. My dad is more reasonable.

Like when I go see my psychiatrist, he always asks me if I want to go in myself today but I usually don't. I mean I'd much rather my dad be with me then my mom. The only thing with my dad being with me is he can't stand or walk around for long periods of time because of tendonitis and arthritis... so its harder for him to be around me.

That doesn't do any good either. She knows how my disabilities are that sometimes she over worries about the chances of me melting down or having trouble with communication and verbal expression.

I may be an adult but there are still reasons why I have to be treated like a child. I'm not very expressive verbally so it makes it harder for me to really get her to understand more and handing her a sheet of paper explaining it then she just gets upset by it.

I can't always use the 'I'm an adult' rule on her because she knows that even though I am physically an adult... she knows that the way my mind works I have the mind of an under age person. It varies a lot depending on the situations I am in and whatever.

I don't mean like spending my whole time alone but maybe just going around the vendor hall myself, asking questions, stuff like that and well... socializing... and maybe she could wait by the door off to the side when I do. As long as I know my surroundings and what I am doing, I'm not just going to drop into a fetal position and start screaming bloody murder. She thinks that's the kind of thing that will happen.

Mothers are like that. She loves you, and this is a way how she is showing it.

It might be helpful if you were able to talk to her and convince her, that it would be good for you to have time on your own there.

If she does not listen to you, then do you have a common friend or a family member that she respects?

Maybe you can work out a compromise of some kind like maybe you'll walk around with her in the morning and have lunch - but then you have the afternoon to yourself?

How about actually showing her this thread.

I know you said that writing it down on a paper was bad, but here she can really see what you feel and the opinions of others.

My mom would still just get kind of upset by it. I talked to my dad about it so he said he might convince her.

MudandStars; I would but she has a point about me not being COMPLETELY alone. I mean she is right when she needs to be with me. What I meant to say was I just don't want her being beside me to the point where she needs to hold my hand all the time. But she can be at a distance where she can wait or sit down somewhere. She's a always talker so its not like she'd get bored.

Mom needs to be told "tough s**t".

Getting your dad to help is a really good idea.

He'd better put in a good effort! I hate it when my dad caves in to whatever my mom wants pretty easily. I would go back to your dad and make him realise that this is very important to you and that you need a chance to explore things for yourself.

That's a hard one, I agree it would be good for you to explore by yourself. I was going to suggest you get your psychiatrist to talk to her, but if your dad can do it, so much the better. You sound like you know your limits very well. A little independence would go a long way.