Do you often make bad friends?

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I find a lot of my friends are kinda nutty, have really really dirty homes (I mean obscenely) or have some social problem where they're otherwise normal but have a certain problem that others won't put up with. I won't speak for anyone else, but I think because I have sub par social skills, I end up with the other off-beats in life.

I dont tend to make bad friends in real life, online yes, Ive made my share of "bad" friends. Thats why I had to stop looking for internet friends, they were driving me nuts. Handy thing, if I dont like em, I can cut them off like "that". In real life, some of my friends can be a bit quirky and come across as strange but there not bad people.

depends who you ask

Well, you.

I make two types of "bad" friends:

(1) people most other folks would consider "bad". These are usually the friends I have the longest, since they are quirky, weird and unconventional. They may have habits that differ from the "social norm" considerably. We seem to appreciate each other as individuals and enjoy some of each other's quirks. If the quirks are weird, even to us weirdos, we are I think better able to "live and let live" and tolerate another person who lives so far outside the "social norm"

(2) the other kind of "bad" friend is "bad for me". These are the friends who I invest my heart & soul in only to find that I'm too weird for them later on or there is some basic incompatibility there due to my lack of social ability and my own deviance from social norms. These folks often claim they value individuality at first, but when confronted with it over time, will say I can't be reasoned with and say that I'm just too weird.

So, it seems to be a compatibility issue for me: folks who are "weird" or unconventional in things, even if they don't match my own differences, are often more tolerant of another person's um individuality...

I love weird people.

I used to make "bad friends", in the sense that they didn't really care much about me or treated me like s**t. Now I don't really care about friends that much. My boyfriend is my best friend and has been one of the truest friends I've ever had.

In the past, yes. Most of them were guys who didn't give a crap about who I was and just wanted in my pants.

Now, I have a nice little collective of close friends, and the two guys who do see me in that way love me for who I am.

I have found it difficult to find good friends. I was hoping to find someone special to me, and have 2 or 3 good friends.

I realized that it is much more difficult to find good people than I first thought. My 'friends' stabbed me in the back and the few 'mates' I did have ended up sleeping with the girl I had fallen for...even worse-she phoned them.

I do seem to pick the wrong friends quite often but I usually end up doing this on a clueless basis because their personalities are attractive and share the same interests and personalities as mine. They often seem like good people until I get to know them and find out that these are wild people who take interest for a while and then throw me to the bottom of their lists. The relationship then then ends in a train wreck.

Two factors:

The first is that we often meet someone and like them because they inwardly resemble a current relationship with someone who we had a past relationship even though we are not aware of it. So, we are looking for someone who with similar characteristics to fill the shoes of the the former.

The second has a great to do with the fact that we are afraid that no one is going to accept us because we have Asperger's Syndrome because so many have viewed us as weird.

Wow! Thank you for summing this up so nicely! I just had this happen to me with someone I had thought was a very close friend and was just brutally backstabbed "out of the blue" a month ago. I have been trying to summarize and synthesise what happened, and this paragraph sums it up exactly!!




I only recently took the Aspie Quiz and discovered that I am very likely Aspie. Yet, I have had this "too weird" problem in all my friendships since I was a child. So, from that perspective, I don't think that conscious knowledge of "I'm an Aspie" or "he/she has Asperger's" is always the problem. Sometimes the "weirdness" itself or self-consciousness of "I know other people think I'm weird" is enough to just put people off.

Before, I was afraid no one would accept me from the simple sheer volume of statistical, empirical of past experiences of rejection. Now, I realize that there are reasons behind what has happened all my life and that there are steps I can take to remedy it, as well as scenarios and personality types with which I am hopelessly incompatible and so don't have to take it so personally when those relationships inevitably fail.

At least, now, I can study Aspergers and listen/learn from other Aspies what they have done to cope and therefore improve my social skills. Before I always felt I was just broken, somehow and therefore helpless to change the miserably baffling experience of friendship. Now, I feel proud of how I am because it makes sense and has meaning, I feel empowered because there are things I can do to consciously change my experience and I don't take the whole social mess so seriously any more.