Post a question about social cues and whatnot

Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

gailryder17
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Apr 2011
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,038
Location: Los Angeles

22 May 2011, 11:16 pm

Here, I will post a question. Then the next poster will answer my question and post his/her own question. Here we go:

Why do NTs hang out with people they don't like?



RaquiGirl
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 159
Location: PDX

22 May 2011, 11:39 pm

Maybe NTs hang out with people they don't like because they feel some sort of obligation to do so? Or perhaps they think that their opinion might change if only they give it more time... sorry, I'm not much help.

My question is: why do NTs think that "little white lies" are acceptable and even expected behavior? This seems to be the case for both the liar and the one being lied to... I think that if someone is going to lie about something stupid like whether or not they like broccoli, it destroys my ability to trust them not to lie about something bigger. But most NTs seem to think that little lies are no big deal. Why is that?


_________________
I'm just like you, only different. AS Dx 11/19/2010
Hat size: US 8


Afr0
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 21 May 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 101

23 May 2011, 8:36 am

RaquiGirl wrote:
My question is: why do NTs think that "little white lies" are acceptable and even expected behavior? This seems to be the case for both the liar and the one being lied to... I think that if someone is going to lie about something stupid like whether or not they like broccoli, it destroys my ability to trust them not to lie about something bigger. But most NTs seem to think that little lies are no big deal. Why is that?


I never really had a problem with white lies from time to time (although I can't remember the last time I told one), and although I'm not NT I think I'm quite 'normal' in this respect. I think most NTs do it to be polite and/or nice (depending on the situation, of course). This might not make sense to you at all, because it's a bit of a paradox, but it is true.
Whether or not you like broccoli was kind of a bad example, but... if people don't like broccoli and they eat it still, it is because they would consider it impolite NOT to eat it (or they're afraid that you would consider it impolite). NTs have social fears too.
A better example (which I've used recently, now that I think about it), is when you're late for work (I work at a small company where I only answer to one guy) because you overslept. I usually say that the bus was delayed (which, by the way, is a plausible situation where I live) because I'm afraid of what would happen if I openly admitted I had overslept (I hate social confrontations, so I'd rather not deal with it), unless I slept for so long that the bus being delayed couldn't possibly be a plausible excuse.
Fortunately I usually come on time, so there's no need to use this white lie too often.

My question...

I don't actually have any question right now but I'll update this post when I do!



RaquiGirl
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 159
Location: PDX

23 May 2011, 12:02 pm

Hmmm... it DOES seem like a paradox to me. A huge one. If I'm late because I overslept, I usually say so and I make it up to my boss by staying late or coming in earlier another day. I guess I've just learned that I'm not a good liar and while I don't tell harsh truths, I don't lie either. I'd rather be vague than make something up. Sometimes if I don't want to say WHY I'm running late, I just text or call my boss to say "I'm running a little late this morning." If he really cared why, he'd ask, but he usually doesn't, so I don't offer a reason. Plus, if he asked me later about the bus schedule or if he mentioned that he hoped the bus wasn't running late this time, or whatever, I'd always feel guilty for lying every time he said it.

Broccoli may have been a lame example, but it was better than the example I wanted to use. Yours was a good one. Thanks.


_________________
I'm just like you, only different. AS Dx 11/19/2010
Hat size: US 8


Afr0
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 21 May 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 101

23 May 2011, 3:27 pm

Yeah well in my example it is more because of a social fear than because of feeling the need to be polite [usually due to a social fear], but what happens stays the same. Reason I don't mind telling a white lie is because it doesn't change the status quo, I'm still going to be late. It isn't as though I wanted to be late.

My question:

Why are NTs so concerned with everyday, trivial matters? I've always been somewhat of a dreamer, and I think this is part of my AD. I'm not really a dreamer just for the sake of being a dreamer, but I've never been concerned with everyday things such as cleaning my room (I'm organized in my own way, I know where things are), washing laundry, paying bills (this is something I've gotten better at), or even taking regular showers (this is also something I've gotten better at... I think I used to have a slight fear of water. I also never liked devoting time to an activity which seemed strictly... unccessary, but I've come to understand there's a rationale behind it).
All of this makes me think it is going to take a while for me to get used to living on my own, but first and foremost they make up the [primary] reason why I don't want a large family (my family is very big, so these sort of things have taken up A LOT of time for my parents).