Hanging out with people but feeling "low status"

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just thought id make a quick post about something that's been on my mind for a while...

I've started hanging out with these guys my cousin knows over the last few months, (im 18 but their all around 20), we basically just hang around one of their houses for the nite playing on laptops, there's usually about 5 of us. im always there with my cousin cause he's known them since school basically.

initially it was kinda fun, but im starting to feel a bit of an outsider, like i don't feel that integrated in what their doing not because im kinda new, but more that i feel im a kinda person who's jsut easily ignored. e.g. one of them would say "hey i made u all into sim characters" and we would go and gather round their computer screen, but then that guy would say to me "sorry i forgot about you". they'd also tend to go ahead and do things like go out to the store or start a new game, and it feels like i'm expected to follow.

i was goin to go again to one of their gatherings tonite, but i just don't really know if its something worth doing anymore. i mean there's no open hostility directed at me or anything, it all feels freindly, just these little things i've picked up on give me the impression that its simply that i don't give of a "high status" vibe, and since they come off as more socially expereinced in general, they just can't be bothered to fully include in what their doing.

This is the first time i've become aware of this kind of feeling and i'm a bit confused on how to act upon it. do people generally just try and overcome such feelings when getting to know people and become less passive in discussions, try to by a leader rather than a follower and so on? or is it more realistic to look at such events i've written about and realise that your a socially low status person in comparision to them and that its unlikely that they will view you differently no matter what you do?

Whenever I was part of a clique I was usually at the bottom, but i was desperate for friends at the time so i just allowed it, you shouldn't - maybe you can ask your cousin when your alone with him that you feel like a third wheel, not needed and such, and he'll shed some light.

My boyfriend used to belong to this clique in his teens. He seems to think that they are all good friends, but at their reunion I didn't think much of them, nor did I feel that they showed any particular regard to him. The thing that stung me, was when he and I went out for a walk to get away from the noise, and when we returned, they had taken group pictures that didn't include him. I was more upset than he was, since this was their first reunion in many years. They posted the pictures on their FB page.

I have always found that group dynamics escape me, and that things seem to be happening just above my head, so to speak. People bond, find commonalities and I realize that yet again I have been relegated to the edge of the group or else I am treated like an object of pity or amusement.

if you believe your low status then you will carry yourself as low status. If you believe your high status then you'll carry yourself as high status. Only one stopping you from being high status is yourself.

I call BS.

The area i live in is wedged between 2 quite affluent areas with million dollar houses and the likes. I try to socalise with the other mum's in the area at playgroups and stuff but i have always been looked down upon. My experience with mother's group was worse. I was the youngest by over 14years. They would be constantly talking about upgrading their bmw's and whatnot and work and designer clothes ect. I was very obviously from a different class. I still sometimes see one them from across the car park or something, but i would prefer to be a loner then be made to feel less then others.

I think the op, needs to talk to his cousin and find out what is going on and address what seems to be happening. Who knows, they may actually really like him and the op's mind may be making mountains out of molehills. His feelings are very valid though.

the feelings are very recognisable indeed.
a question; does this group know about your AS? if not; consider telling them, it might get you more accepted and the group might even put in effort to actively make you part of desicion making.

this is what happened for me; when i disclosed myself, i got the reaction that everyone just thought i was shy and generally 'ok' with everything; after disclosing i have become a respected member of the group, with a valued opinion.
also, they are now more considerate of my quirks and sensory troubles (they used to think i exaggerated when complaining about the music volume, for example), and they even started relying on my special 'powers'.

all in all; disclosing was a positive experience for me, it improved my life significantly.

thanks izzeme

I was considering disclosing was a bit worried. as i am not diagnosed and i may be totally off. also once the cats outa the bag theres no turning back.

im not sure i was thinking of disclosing just a symptom like saying i have a non verbal LD of i cant do small talk because i think in a deep way which doesn't let me scan my thoughts laterally or something. any thoughts..

as for the feeling like crap... well i went through this feeling my whole high school life. its a tuff one, te benefits are that after a while people will just accept you and a few of them may even become your best friend. If our thinking of calling it quites Probably better to disclose or try to meet some people individually.
its hard to make friends and if you have people you can be around some of them will grow on you.

It sucks but its better to be there (only by a tad) then be at home all day every day contemplating whats the use of life

sure, if you dont feel comfortable enough to go for full disclosure, only showing a few symptoms will also offer benefits, it might even be a good idea to first show the symptoms and only go further when you feel comfortable or even only when the friends ask for a deeper reason behind them...

I agree with Solveig! It doesn't matter how you feel about yourself, if you have blind spots about reading social behavior. I think I am a worthy person, but have been treated like s**t by people who found it easier to marginalize or disrespect me than to accept me. It's only human to want to belong to a group at times.

thanks for responding guys

i agree with Solvejg as well. although carrying urself as low status definatly doesn't help interactions, once i had this revalation about how i'm perceived by these guys its been a bit more difficult to enjoy these gathering.

What Izzeme suggested about disclosinig is interesting, although i don't think its the most appropriate thing to do in my situation, based on what i've described i don't think i've made much of a connection with these guys for it to make much difference. i think the way i feel isn't simply down to the guys jsut thinking i'm overly agreeable and thats it.

What i didn't mention is that my cousin also feels that he's marginalized a bit, although not to the same extent that i am. e.g. one of them is on his university course and they would go out with others to restaraunts, and he would often be left only with the option of sitting with the quieter members of their uni social circle.

I was raised by intellectual millionaire parents, and I can act as snobby and high-status as them if I feel like it, but that never made people treat me like one of them. NT's can detect the most minute difference in how others behave, much like sharks can detect one molecule of blood in a million litres of water.

I think that some people like to have me around to make themselves feel superior. I particularly used to associate with two acquaintances; one who was diagnosed as bipolar, the other I now realise has NPD traits. I believe my desire to socialise has since been overcome by a realised need for my own self-esteem, though I still meet with them occasionally, and play games with them online.