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kezzieb
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Joined: 23 May 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 51
Location: Southampton, UK

24 May 2011, 6:45 pm

I am currently at university and living in uni accommodation, so I didn't know anyone in my flat before I moved in; which was stressful enough. I struggle interacting with them but if I'm in the kitchen at the same time as someone else I make a point of saying hello and trying to small talk. Today when I was doing the washing up one of my flatmates came into the kitchen to make a drink, I said hi and he just ignored me. I don't know that I've done anything wrong, why would he just ignore me. It's very disheartening, especially when I thought I was progressing with communicating with them, and it completely shot my confidence through. I just wondered if any of you guys had any advice, or maybe some suggestions as to what I might be doing wrong.



loftyD
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Joined: 10 Jun 2010
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24 May 2011, 7:08 pm

Hey, I'm currently at uni too, we had this vile French girl in our flat, she would never really speak to me or anyone but I try not to communicate with them altogether. I have a sex addicted tart opposite me and a Greek who smokes marijuana. When there are people in the kitchen, I don't generally go in...

You're better off not communicating with them if they don't communicate with you.



RainingRoses
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24 May 2011, 8:28 pm

Suggestions? Just do your best to be friendly and reasonably accommodating. That's all anyone can or should ask. If you can keep your side of the street clean, then you have nothing to apologize for, feel awkward about, etc. Maybe you're not the most social person on the planet. Who cares? You're doing your best. If others don't see it and appreciate it, that's their problem.

You may be making a classic mistake, which is comparing your insides to others' outsides. Like in your response to the person who didn't return your "hello." You're having a very complex emotional reaction to what ultimately amounts to very little -- too little, actually, which is the problem. This person did something or didn't do something, and you're confused and seemingly deeply troubled by it. But, you have no idea what was going on inside him at the moment. Maybe he hates you, maybe he has a secret crush on you, maybe his pet bird just died ... whatever. All that counts is that you did the right thing. That's what you can control, and you did a fine job. You can't control the response, so you have to let that go. (Well, I guess you don't have to, but you'll live more sanely if you do.)

You sound like a very nice person to live with; I'd be satisfied with that if I were you. Not many people can say that!



jrjones9933
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Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 55
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24 May 2011, 9:00 pm

I can offer only one tip, which I learned the hard way. If you need your space, set your boundaries early and calmly before they drive you to do so. It only gets harder to explain the more they get set in their ways, and they probably won't know they're violating your space unless you tell them.

You're washing up, that makes you cool in my book! More experience will reveal their character.


_________________
"I find that the best way [to increase self-confidence] is to lie to yourself about who you are, what you've done, and where you're going." - Richard Ayoade


kezzieb
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Joined: 23 May 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 51
Location: Southampton, UK

25 May 2011, 4:45 am

Thank you everyone for the encouragement. It's really frustrating when you try hard and then it gets thrown back in your face. But I'm feeling better now. Thanks.