I'm terrible at connecting with people

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I find myself actually wanting a deep connection with someone. Not in a romantic sense... I have my husband for that. I mean I want a good friend I don't only talk to when they contact me.

I've never really felt this urge before, so I'm clueless as to how to go about it. Do I select an acquaintance of mine and try to get closer? Do I look for someone new? Also, will I have to get over my aversion of the phone to fulfill this?

If you live close to the person, no phone necessarily required!

My "close connections" with people have tended to be intense but short-lived. I'd like them to be long-lived though.

If you have an acquaintance/friend in mind you really would like to be closer to, by all means I'd suggest trying to get closer to them! Like by inviting them over to do some activity together as a pair that you need to work closely together on. Your own little secret club of 2. It depends on your interests I guess but maybe entering some sort of team contest? I don't know!

I'd be your friend but odds are we don't live close. Also you'd probably find me too boring and hard to get to know.People have told me before I'm very hard to get to know. Prob. cause I instinctively try to blend into the wallpaper out of social anxiety.

Anyway, I sincerely wish you good luck with this!

Edited to add: this was the post that made me a Phoenix at long last! Not that anyone cares!

I live in Silicon Valley. lol

I don't have a particular friend in mind. I mean, there's one I wouldn't mind being closer with, but he seems interested in... other things... and like I said before I have my husband for that sort of thing.

I'm apparently a hard person to get to know as well.

I'm going to a party later this month. I'm not sure that's the best place to find someone, though. Most will be drunk, and I generally end up hiding in a bedroom or on the deck (wherever there's the least amount of people...) within a very short time of arriving.

Me too, Tea. I might add something proper later, but just me too for now.

I used to go to college out there (before I pretty much failed out) so many an acquaintance of mine lives or returns often to that area and I keep in touch with some of them over Facebook. It's the most magical place in the U.S. as far as I'm concerned!

Yeah, I know what you mean about parties. Maybe you'll meet someone who's less wild and more attuned to your wavelength there, though!

Anyway, the invitation is open to contact me anytime. That's exactly what I've always looked for and never felt I found in a friend, the ability to call them whenever and not feel like I was bothering them but that they actually would be happy to hear from me. And vice versa.

I'm looking for someone close to me, but I'm open to someone further away.

I have the same dilemma right now, but the trouble is that I'm not patient enough to make it work, at least at the moment. I know that in order to get that deep connection, I would have to find someone new, and it takes time, and right now I feel like the walls are closing in on me, so meeting people seems to be out of the question. Sometimes I wish people were as good as I am at looking into the soul. That would make meeting people so much easier.

I'm a very patient person.

Nobody here has any kind of advice for me?

I'm kinda in the same boat. So no not really. But if you stumble across any do share.

Well actually no to be fair I always manage to find one person at different points in my life who happens to fill the role your kinda alluding too although with me it perhaps interprets slightly differently. I think its harder to find such people when your in a relationship in some respects. I quite suck at the balancing a social life outside of a relationship act so i kinda need to figure this out myself..

Sorry to be absolutely no help what so ever

Even when I was single I had nobody like that. Thanks for at least replying, though. lol

Who did you connect with then? Did you not have friends or people you hanged out with? Or was it just a mass of aquaintances and shallow friendships? Or are you infact crazy cat lady from the simpsons who managed to get hitched to a human as well?

I'd say I had acquaintances. A few I considered a friend, but the relationship lacked a real connection. It was all shallow things like "music friend", "car friend", "anime friend"... etc.

Some might say this makes me shallow, but I honestly just didn't care enough to get to know them better than that. I was usually off in my own little world either writing, drawing, reading, or studying up on my latest obsession.

I suppose I just couldn't be bothered.

correct me if i am off-base, but it seems like maybe it might be hard for you to really trust people? i remember you saying something along those lines on the forum before. perhaps you will need to find ways to bring your guard down in order to really connect on a deeper level.

i have a theory that it's through sharing the dark and secret and emotional things inside ourselves that we really form true friendships. sharing activities and stuff is a great starting point, and happy emotions can offer a sense of belonging, but really exposing something from deep inside can bring people to a place of real friendship.

i initially make friends fairly easily because i am really trusting and willing to risk a lot, but i can't keep them very well. but that's a topic for another thread, maybe.

If you have any kind of hobby or interest in something that is not a typical "special interest" where no interactions with other are even necessary, try looking around a bit in those kinds of areas. Volunteer work at a "soup kitchen" or regular visits to a library where you might begin to notice another "regular" there might be good places to begin. "Friends are people who enjoy doing the same things", I have been told, and today I can say I do actually have at least one true friend.

I don't have trust issues. I just don't know how to share the deep emotional stuff. I barely manage that with my husband.