21 and wanting to start to date- am I pathetic? :-/

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So, I'm 21, about to graduate college and never really dated before. I just haven't had the urge to before. Any words of wisdom to share?

I'm nearly 23 and have never been on a date, or had sex, or had a girlfriend and all the rest of it.

Find people you like and take it from there. If they seem too pushy, say confidently that you're not interested.

Not pathetic, just not interested until now.

However, your exact timing may be a bit tough. Many recent college grads find that their social life diminishes compared to life on campus. Once away from the large pool of peers, young people simply meet fewer datable singles.

Don't automaticly assume that something's wrong with you if it takes longer to start dating than it seems it should. Not a reflection on you, it's just tougher demographics.

First, you are not pathetic.

Second, protecting your body is more important than protecting your feelings, so...

Take lessons in self-defense.

Never get so drunk that you can be talked into going anywhere and doing anything.

Before going out, get the full name, address, phone number and place of business (if any) of your date, and share that information with a trusted friend. If you can get the addresses of where your date will be taking you, leave those with your friend as well.

When on the date, have a "check-in" call - someone to call you just to verify that you are still alive.

Never, ever take your eyes off what you are drinking. If you do, order another drink, especially if you suspect that someone may have tampered with your drink.

Call your "check-in" when you get home.

These will do for a start.

Seconded



In addition to advice above, I advise being picky regarding who you date or show reciprocal interest in. This will hopefully help prevent predators from seeing you as an easy target

Don't worry about not having dated by 21. I had a period of time when I was about that age and my friends were starting to get married that I had issues about never having the guts to ask someone out on a date. Since I'm a Christian, I eventually just put my dating life (or lack thereof) in God's hands, my state of mind being "Just give Him all your problems, well I've got a doozy for You." (I know you probably weren't looking for a religious based answer, but this was my experience for better or worse)

Now I'm 30 and STILL have never been on a date. By now, most of my friends have married/gotten engaged (including my two younger cousins) and a good number of them have kids. But I've gotten over that episode in my life where I was so desparate to make something happen that it just sent me into despair. Sure I'd still would like to know what it's like to go out with someone special, but I don't dwell on it anymore to the point where it runs my life. If it's in the cards to find the special someone, but I don't meet her for another 5-10 years, then that's just how it is. I hope that helps you in some way.

Thanks for all the advice guys. I'll def take it to heart. I just need to develop a litle more confidence in myself first and then I should be good to go. . I mean, I just need to take notice of guys that might be interested in me. I kinda just brush it off because of the lack of confidence issue

Don't look for a date, look for a friend.

If you're looking for a date, as a guy I can tell you there are a few billion men out there who will pretend to be interested just to get some action. Maybe that's all you want, but I doubt it.

No, I don't think so. It's actually better to think about dating later in life because relationships seem to mean a lot more after high school.

I agree with parrow, look for a friend.
Then you can start thinking about love and dating and such later on.
The downside of that is of course that it requires you to [be willing to] sacrifice the friendship in order to gain something greater.
But then again, you need friendship in order to be in a relationship with someone (usually).

I'm 23 and I've only ever had one girlfriend. So you're not alone.

And there are a lot of guys, even on here, who would be in their number. Myself included. So it is best to think more carefully about what you want.

As for myself, I'm not exactly sure yet: I'm rather confused by it all.

Those who start dating to fit in usually have to compromise in relationships. By waiting until you're ready, you'll have better luck finding someone more mature and committed. You did the right thing, and people who judge you negatively probably are the ones hopping from relationship to relationship.

I would much rather wait until I was 20 or even 30 and look for what I want, than start dating now (when I'm not ready) and put up with some loser who I don't really like.

Dating can be tough. And it is really hard to meet the right person. Even for those who are "smooth" at dating, they can find themselves in a million dates and a ton of relationships, but finding the right person is still tough. Words of advice, try dating around, try to figure out what you might want in a person/relationship. For me, I found it does help to be good friends with the demographic you may want to date to figure out what you like and dont like about that particular demographic. As well, sometimes good friendships can lead into relationships.

I think you are more than courageous to start with dating now, but only do it if you feel like you really want to do it, and not because you feel like you should because society expects you to. Just be sure not to wait too long if you truly want it. The more time passes, the more likely you will come to a point where you will deem yourself "too old to be starting something". Take a negative example in me: I just turned 25, and this for me was the turning point where I officially labeled myself to be too old to start dating. I'd say give it a try!