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Aspinator
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12 Jun 2011, 4:35 am

I heard a very good explanation of why someone with Aspergers has a difficult time with communicating with others. The majority of people with Aspergers have higher intelligence than most people and find it hard to communicate with someone who is lower functioning on the intelligence scale. The majority of people are not going to like us for this reason. There is a verse from the song "Momma's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys" that says: Them that don't know him don't like him and them that do sometimes don't know how to take him; he's not wrong, he's just different. Instead of us trying to conform to a NT world to which we will never fit in, we need to focus on our strengths (mainly our intelligence). We lack the gift of gab but most intelligent people do. These are just some of my thoughts I wanted to share. If anyone else has any different ideas or comments, please post.



Franma
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12 Jun 2011, 8:06 am

Aspinator wrote:
I heard a very good explanation of why someone with Aspergers has a difficult time with communicating with others. The majority of people with Aspergers have higher intelligence than most people and find it hard to communicate with someone who is lower functioning on the intelligence scale. The majority of people are not going to like us for this reason. There is a verse from the song "Momma's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys" that says: Them that don't know him don't like him and them that do sometimes don't know how to take him; he's not wrong, he's just different. Instead of us trying to conform to a NT world to which we will never fit in, we need to focus on our strengths (mainly our intelligence). We lack the gift of gab but most intelligent people do. These are just some of my thoughts I wanted to share. If anyone else has any different ideas or comments, please post.


I have agreed with that statement wholeheartedly for my whole life. Before I knew about ASD at all, this is what I thought was "wrong with me". I knew I thought faster than others, saw more detail and connections than others and had a higher IQ. I believed this difference to be why we did not share any interests, they could not see what I see, and I couldn't simplify it enough to explain it to them so mostly I just don't talk to most people. I don't share any of their interests and there just isn't anything to talk about most of the time anyway. Since I discovered ASD, I have been rethinking it and am trying to sort through 50 years of what may have been living in somewhat of a mis-perception. Now I am thinking that I missed something in the equation. As much as I think faster etc, it is one dimensional thought that is all IQ and very little EQ. I was having just as much slowness with respect to the value of EQ as they have with IQ. It turns out that I may have a lot to learn too. I am kind of discovering that the EQ is the glue that allows people of varying intelligence to connect to each other. It seems to provide a level setting of sorts for a conversation where both parties feel safe to communicate. To this end, I have been trying to soften my speech and approach with people and be more welcoming of their thoughts even when it makes me feel impatient and have been having some slight success. While I still wouldn't want to spend hours with most people, I find I can alienate fewer people at work using these improved techniques and they are more likely to co-operate with me. What I previously saw as their inability to understand may have been partially my inability to frame it in a language they could understand and in my not taking the time to find out what that language is by chit chatting to determine the level of language required. Overall, I am finding that the chit chat has less to do with the content of the chit chat and more to do with finding a way to communicate effectively with the other individual. It's been my experience in life , so far, that my intelligence can only get me so far. I need the co-operation of other people to be employed and feed my family. It has been really helpful to me to read other people's thoughts on WP and discover new ways of looking at things. I've never felt like there was anyone to discuss things with before and now there are thousands of people who "get it". It is from reading here on WP that I made this recent change to my thinking.


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"It seems that for success in science and art, a dash of autism is essential." Hans Asperger

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Miyah
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12 Jun 2011, 11:55 am

I do notice that I enjoy engaging in the ology classes and sometimes going outside the box and lesson plan of my college professors who have had to tell me to stick to certain questions being asked.

I also notice that I seem to come up with different explanations of what and why something or someone might quack or look the way they do.

For instance, I took a psych of animal behavior course last year for fall semester and happened to like to ask all kinds of questions to my professor. Another time, I suggested that maybe the female lions are designed to hunt because they don't have manes and so it makes them more aerodynamic.



MollyTroubletail
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12 Jun 2011, 12:47 pm

I find it easy and relaxing to talk to stupid people, so long as they are good-natured and calm. Down Syndrome people make especially charming companions because we can do arts and crafts all day or just go look at ants, and they won't be thinking of reasons why I'm not good enough. I only have problems with mean and judgmental people, regardless of their level of intelligence.



Ai_Ling
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12 Jun 2011, 3:29 pm

I dont agree with your statement for the most part.
1) Its true that most aspies have IQs that are above average. But most aspies arent geniuses. We likely can find NTs who have similar IQ and intelligence. We can probably find people who have similar interests as we do, unless our interests are very unusual. That just might not be what an NT wants to talk about all the time. Talking in a dry monotone voice on and on about your interest is not always the most appealing to most NTs.
2) We all different types of intelligence. The way you put it is simply a very conceded way which I dont agree with at all. Honestly your just bitter being rejected by NTs. I dont support conceit at all no matter what the circumstances are. Your just stooping as low or even lower to what NTs have been doing to you your whole life.
3) When you say lower functioning? From my limited knowledge of other aspies, most of them cant take care of themselves very well and becoming independent is a struggle. That is what functioning is measuring, your abilities to take care of yourself and become independent. You cant say aspies are higher functioning when we need NTs to do things for us.