How can I keep this from happening again?

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nintendogurl1990
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04 Jun 2011, 10:08 am

OK so I had a friend who I've lost because I was too pushy on her. She didn't respond to any of my emails or Facebook messages so I just kept sending her more and more until she just blocked me. She later told me that I was forcing a friendship on her. But I wasn't trying to force anything on her. I just wanted to see how she was doing because I haven't seen her in a long time. Now our friendship is ruined and it's all my fault because I just kept sending her to many messages and emails. But she didn't even respond to the first one, so how was I supposed to know what she wanted? What can I do to make sure this situation doesn't happen again so I can keep friends and not scare them away?



LostAlien
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04 Jun 2011, 11:47 am

I wouldn't have seen that that was what she wanted either.

I think it's possible that she may be blaming you for something that was her fault. Some people ignore messages to give a hint that they don't want to be friends or date another person anymore, when you persisted trying to be friends (without knowing about the way some mean people hint), she wanted to stop the messages and so used them as an excuse shifting the blame to you.

An exception would be if you messaged without waiting for a response, more than one message every two or three days without response can be over persistant for some people


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hartzofspace
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04 Jun 2011, 12:48 pm

It took me a long time to learn not to pester people. I never could see that this was how my enthusiasm for friendship was being perceived. I have had people ignore me, then get upset when I persisted in knowing what was wrong. Ironically, I was forced to do this to others on several occasions. They would keep emailing and calling when I was in avoidance mode, and would not respect my right to reply when I was feeling sociable again.
One woman kept sending me emails demanding to know what she had done wrong. The pressure engendered by this was unbelievable! Another would call and just start blabbing without asking if this was a convenient time to call.

I had to learn how to respect boundaries. If I call or email someone, I give it three days before I follow up, and only if it is important. My sister is notorious for ignoring calls, and emails. Once I informed her that I knew that she had other things going on in her life, but that I felt hurt and worried when she ignored me. I have had people ignore me for two weeks and then decided to answer. I guess we have to learn to give people space.

Maybe it is like playing ping pong. :lol: You bat the ball over, and then if they don't bat it back fast enough, you keep sending more balls over until they quit playing all together.


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IntrepidWolf
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08 Jun 2011, 3:16 am

you need to have patience, and a little more experience. Theres always people who "dont need any more friends", forget those people, they are not good friends anyways. Need the patience to pass these faux-friends by and the expierence to learn what a good friend wouldnt do.



Tippyswivjacksn
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08 Jun 2011, 3:15 pm

I used to be that way too, if someone doesn't respond, I think I've done something wrong, never sent out too many messages though, just got pissed off when someone doesn't respond.

My new rule of thumb is, message that person, and then forget that you did, that way you won't keep worrying about whether they answer you back or not and you don't keep hounding them. If they answer you back, that's great but if they don't, then that's okay too, at least you know that maintaining a friendship with you was not their priority and you'll find someone who is more deserving of your attention. Mind you, this is my NEW rule of thumb. I used to get pissed off and think they were mad and just blow that person off completely if they came round again