What helps you feel closer to other people?

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kittie
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06 Jun 2011, 1:14 pm

I know I don't have as much of a social life as 'normal' people, by a longshot. So what do you do that helps you feel closer to other people (instead of the typical "Go out, socialise, come back, go out and socialise again, etc, etc")?

For me, when I write, dance or practice drama etc, any 'arty personal expression' kind of thing, I always feel amazingly close to other people, or when I'm watching a TV show I like. And although I hate to admit it, when I'm on forums (like this one!) or when I look at the FB pages of people I respect...



bradt4evr
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06 Jun 2011, 3:17 pm

Im pretty much the same way as you, also what makes me feel closer to my friends is when we tell each other something about ourselves no one else knows, see this makes me feel closer to them because they know you in a way no one else in the world does.



SyphonFilter
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06 Jun 2011, 8:22 pm

I feel closer to people who share my special interests. Though perhaps that can be said about anyone, Aspie or not.



CockneyRebel
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06 Jun 2011, 8:44 pm

Being a part of my clubhouse and a free exercise class makes me feel closer to people.


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katzefrau
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06 Jun 2011, 10:15 pm

sharing interests with them is the only thing that comes close


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Fnord
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06 Jun 2011, 10:18 pm

Agony and Ecstacy.

The former through shared misery, and the latter through sexual intercourse.



wefunction
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06 Jun 2011, 10:54 pm

That's a good question. I spend time with a lot of people doing a lot of different things but I only actually feel close to them if I'm close to them... there's got to be another way to say that... Okay...

If I talk with someone about their experiences, their preferences, their opinions... any insight into them as individuals... and bonus if they reciprocate interest, that makes me feel closer to someone. And it doesn't have to be literal talking. It can be email or facebook, but one-on-one is key to that.

If I'm in the presence of someone, I can feel closer to them. I get a sense of who they are, what they smell like, what they sound like, how they say things, how they laugh, how they smile, how they make eye contact with me... all those things matter to me. I get to know them as a functioning individual.

I hope that makes some sense and doesn't sound too weird.



Afr0
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07 Jun 2011, 3:36 am

Hm.
Usually, that someone is interested in what I have to say, can level with me and view me as an equal. It probably doesn't take a lot to make someone feel close to me, as I have a fairly low self-esteem.
It always helps if you're a woman, as women have proven especially tough for me, as far as bonding with them.



keira
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07 Jun 2011, 5:15 am

The time I spend with a person. It's very hard for me to let someone close. It takes time and usually it takes a lot of it. Some mutual interests help. It's also better if I find the other person interesting which in my case means that he/she must be a little bit weird as well. Anyway, closeness only comes with time.



crouton
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09 Jun 2011, 8:20 am

I feel closer to people through conversation, rather than through shared activities. Generally, I'm able to establish a bond with people if they appreciate my sense of humour, if they're very open about themselves and what they think, and if they show an understanding when I tell them about my experiences.



tangomike
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09 Jun 2011, 10:04 am

I feel closer to people through conversation too...people who share my views on the world, people and also share interests like American football, music, the ocean, instruments.



wefunction
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09 Jun 2011, 10:28 am

The actual closest I've ever felt with someone didn't involve any talking or sex. We were sitting on the beach at night, facing the blackness of the ocean. At night you can't see the ocean or anything on it. It's all darkness. The sand is cool and the sounds are amplified because there is no day to distract your hearing. I was leaning back against him, his arms were wrapped around me, his long legs bordering my sides, and his chin rested on my shoulder with his rhythmic warm breath near my ear. The roaring of the ocean, the darkness of the night, the cool of the sand, the smell of the notes created when his cologne mingled with the salty air, and the comfort of his warm body was so perfectly calming. I guess there's something special about inviting someone into your calm, into what brings you peace, and if they add to that peace, it makes them just as special. That was a moment when nothing else in the world existed or mattered.



jrjones9933
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09 Jun 2011, 10:59 am

Sitting quietly together, observing something subtle that other people don't notice, shared disclosure, and getting drunk or stoned together can make me feel closer with someone. Also, team lifting a heavy object seems to require a lot of nonverbal communication, so we'll learn some of each others signals and build trust.


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pree10shun
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09 Jun 2011, 5:00 pm

Yes, conversation and communication in any relationship can bring people closer.

I like talking about things that excite me and discuss them with my close friends. Initially it was almost always me dominating the conversations but my best friend taught me to listen to what she had to say whether or not she was right. That's when I started to actually understand her and a bond formed.

What I can't stand is people who are dishonest. My aunt tells me if want people around you, you should not let their dishonesty get to you. No ones perfect. Let them know you know it but tolerate them. Maybe I can deal with people better now but there are only a few I connect with.

If I am speaking to strangers I usually try finding a common ground to keep the conversation going. I am usually talkative if I am in the mood for it.

Another thing I can't do is console people who are sad..though I feel sad & sorry for them.



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10 Jun 2011, 10:47 am

Conversation and non-judgemental acceptance. I have a friend that has accepted me for me, that I can just chat to for hours without fear of being judged - because although she mightn't understand the way I'm wired sometimes, she's open minded enough to accept that that's how I am. It's quite nice really.



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10 Jun 2011, 10:54 am

In a photo?

Image